Reaching for Clear Skies

I now remember why I don't hang with those types of people anymore. Its because its annoying being around people who have no consideration of other people. Its annoying being around people who give you shit for caring about something you care about and question you like douche. I don't fancy the way they "have fun", so so so much I can so, but I shall never bother again. I don't give a damn about, "popular people". The quiet, timid people seem to be cooler to associate with. The complete opposite to the "normal" people these days.

Never really been good with dealing with disappointment. Its like being lifted up to cloud nine, then kicked on the face all the way down back to earth (yay). Who enjoys that? It's just that I'm particularly bad at handling it. Doesn't help much that Denne's family is ... how do I say this? They don't take no for an answer. Once they take you somewhere, you're not going home until they say you can. 

Example. Whilst we were at vietnam, they forced us to visit them. I understand that they want to Denne and what not, but they didn't take no for an answer. It was tet and we planned to stay with my family and fully experience the culture. Welp, instead we for-filled their wish and come over. We said we needed to be home at 6 because we had plans. Did that matter? Nope, they didn't give a shit. Instead of taking us home in their car, they took us around town and to a restaurant. Did they give a shit about our opinion and plans? Nope =D not a shit given. This happened every single time that we met them. 

Welp, some of Denne's family from Viet Nam and NSW came up and they decided to go on a road trip. It went from going for 2 days 1 night, to 3 days 2 nights. This was decided while they were making their way to their destination. (yay). Then after they were about to go home, they decided to go to stop at placed... then after that they decided to go eat dinner. 

So instead of seeing him in the afternoon, threes probably not even a chance to see him tonight (yay)

I guess this is mother nature's way of fuckign with me and saying, "bitch, here's your chance to get used to it =D" 

Gomen, kitty was being difficult.

We just resolved one of those big big fights where splitting up wasn't an irrational resolution. All is good and well, but we need to work a bit harder towards each other's quirks and weaknesses. This song really hit home for me. John legend (as always <3 fjhgdksjfgh)! The lyrics really made got me thinking. We both are just ordinary people. We have our ups, we have our downs. We have fears that the other just can't come to understand or a sense of assurance that can seem irrational. We both make mistakes and we both hurt each other more than anyone else in our lives can. At the end of the day, after all the anger, the bitterness and tears subside, we love each other. "we both still got room left to grow", I'll still put you first, and we'll make it work. You're my leo after all. No one can satisfy you more than kitty right? ^^

The day after the fight was over, Denne is going away with his family for 3 or so days. Honestly, it made me feel so anxious. I know I shouldn't be but my past experiences really don't work in my favour do they. After actually thinking about it, its going to be the longest time we are away from each other lol. Coughitsonly3dayscough*

I hope you enjoyed the new fishing gear. You better not waste my money and not get any fish (lol jks). With a hook that big I wouldn't be surprised if you got a freaken shark .-. Don't get dragged in now.

I love you dearly

Men can be quite cruel. Their obliviousness towards everything have the ability hurt to such an extent that they themselve cannot even begin to understand. Well, what can you do about it?

I just can't meet all of your fucking standards. I can't fucking give you what you want of me. I'm fucking sorry that I can't give you perfection even when I strive for it with all my might. 

Welp, that was a waste of time. Instead of waiting at the restaurant I decided to go home by bus to get ready since Denne wanted me to "dress up" and stuff. So went home, showered, shaved, added colour to my hair, the whole package. Did my make up and what not to get ready to go. An hour =D was wasted... Really annoyed to be honest since I put time out to celebrate your 10 months, even though I have 2 exams this weekend. As a matter of fact, I dont even know if I can pass one of them. Welp, time to crawl in a ball on my bed and cry all this shit out so I'm no longer overwhelmed so that I can study and not sleep for a few days =D

Yay to anxiety atttaaaaaaaaaackk .-. fuck you anxiety =D

Its been a while since Hiro died. I find it weird that I still haven't gotten over it yet. Not completely that is. Whenever I think about it, I really did get attached to the little guy really hard and really fast. Jesus that sounded wrong LOL. Here and then I find myself reminiscing about the past. Whenever Hiro comes up, I start remembering everything and I eventually start tearing up. I wish I could go back in time and stopped it from happening. How nice would that be

Welp, Uni has been getting super busy. Everything is so overwhelming that I always feel so lost. Sometimes I just really need a big and long hug. I just continually feel as though I'm not good enough. It's as though I need constant validation. I have this little thing I tend to do... I get overwhelmed, then sit on my bed and cry to myself =D Cry it all out then get back to work. YAY

 I haven't done the things I loved in such a long time. I can't do much at all I feel so suffocated. The other day I saw Anne with a photo of all the new clothes she bought. Its sad to say, but I was a bit envious of her. I haven't gone shopping for myself here in Aus for a while. Been wearing the same old shit every single day. I haven't played pool for almost half a year now. The things I give just to be able to play again. I haven't hung with anyone other than Denne for such a long time. Sometimes I just want to go somewhere. Just fucking somewhere please. I just want to relax so much its insane.

Welp, maybe I should stop complaining. I'm blessed to be able to have a good education anyways. Seems like I gotta say bye to my social life and my sanity for a few years. 

I feel as though I've changed a lot cause of uni Lol. I sometimes wonder why I bother open up to people. So many times that a guy gets all friendly and close, then avoids me when he finds out that I have a boyfriend. At least 10 already. Ain't that nice. When I try and meet up with "Friends
, they always say theyre busy. When I try to find something that fits into both our schedules, they're too lazy.... Thanks mate. Judged badly cause I'm bi. ohhHOHOHOH (imagine in a french type tone LOL) Fuck yourself =D. I'm apparently not a good person because I have "unnaturally" dyed hair, want more piercings and a tattoo. Well you people, go fuck yourselves =D I'll sponsor a dildo for you to do so =)

End of my mid night rant =D

Finally out of my system, yay?