People seem to think that arguments are apart of all relationship. You can't have a relationship without arguments and fights. That's a pretty fucking messed up view you have there. 

Arguments happen, when one person is addressing that they are being hurt by the other party, but neither one of the parties are willing to compromise. The party doing the hurting is not willing to accept what they are doing is wrong, in turn ignoring that regardless of fault, the blaming party is still hurt. Don't get me wrong, the blaming party can also be instigating the fight by something as simple as not accepting a genuine apology, or being unwilling to properly communicate why they are hurt. I see the harmony in a relationship is a delicate balancing act, like those you see in the circus where a person is on a unicycle, holding a long pole, peddling on a tightrope. The efforts of each side must be at an equilibrium, much like the weight on each side of the tightrope artist. When either one of the sides puts less effort in, takes the other for granted, get too comfortable, the balance of the relationship will tilt to the side. If this continues, the relationship is just going to slowly spiral into it's inevitable end.  

The only reason there are arguments and fights in a relationship is because both parties are not equally willing to sit down and listen to each other feel. If both parties were willing to discuss issues, willing to wholeheartedly listen to the complain of the other and accept that what they did hurt their partner, then there will be no need for fights. No fights and conflicts would ever exist, of both parties are willing to compromise and work together as a team, rather than as two separate entities. When one person lives for themselves more than for the other person, the relationship is going to be full of conflicts. When in an argument, you think, I didn't do anything wrong, I feel horrible, I don't want to deal with this, you're only thinking of yourself. You're not thinking about your partner, nor are you thinking about your relationship. In that moment, when things are bad, all you think about is yourself. 

When you are on the receiving end of an complain or an angry/crying spouse, what you should be thinking is, Why is he/she hurt?, What can I do to make it better?. Is he/she getting the treatment that they deserve? I need to make sure that my partner feels that their feelings are valid. There is nothing that you can do worse than make someone feel as though their feelings are invalid. Even if the feelings may be irrational, it doesn't change the fact that they are still experiencing those negative emotions. Fixing irrational responses come later, what needs to be done now is for you the be a proper spouse, and comfort your partner for hurting them. 

"It's not rocket surgery or brain science." - Swoozie

Arguments belong in academic papers, not relationships.