Reaching for Clear Skies

We just resolved one of those big big fights where splitting up wasn't an irrational resolution. All is good and well, but we need to work a bit harder towards each other's quirks and weaknesses. This song really hit home for me. John legend (as always <3 fjhgdksjfgh)! The lyrics really made got me thinking. We both are just ordinary people. We have our ups, we have our downs. We have fears that the other just can't come to understand or a sense of assurance that can seem irrational. We both make mistakes and we both hurt each other more than anyone else in our lives can. At the end of the day, after all the anger, the bitterness and tears subside, we love each other. "we both still got room left to grow", I'll still put you first, and we'll make it work. You're my leo after all. No one can satisfy you more than kitty right? ^^

The day after the fight was over, Denne is going away with his family for 3 or so days. Honestly, it made me feel so anxious. I know I shouldn't be but my past experiences really don't work in my favour do they. After actually thinking about it, its going to be the longest time we are away from each other lol. Coughitsonly3dayscough*

I hope you enjoyed the new fishing gear. You better not waste my money and not get any fish (lol jks). With a hook that big I wouldn't be surprised if you got a freaken shark .-. Don't get dragged in now.

I love you dearly

Men can be quite cruel. Their obliviousness towards everything have the ability hurt to such an extent that they themselve cannot even begin to understand. Well, what can you do about it?

I just can't meet all of your fucking standards. I can't fucking give you what you want of me. I'm fucking sorry that I can't give you perfection even when I strive for it with all my might. 

Welp, that was a waste of time. Instead of waiting at the restaurant I decided to go home by bus to get ready since Denne wanted me to "dress up" and stuff. So went home, showered, shaved, added colour to my hair, the whole package. Did my make up and what not to get ready to go. An hour =D was wasted... Really annoyed to be honest since I put time out to celebrate your 10 months, even though I have 2 exams this weekend. As a matter of fact, I dont even know if I can pass one of them. Welp, time to crawl in a ball on my bed and cry all this shit out so I'm no longer overwhelmed so that I can study and not sleep for a few days =D

Yay to anxiety atttaaaaaaaaaackk .-. fuck you anxiety =D

Its been a while since Hiro died. I find it weird that I still haven't gotten over it yet. Not completely that is. Whenever I think about it, I really did get attached to the little guy really hard and really fast. Jesus that sounded wrong LOL. Here and then I find myself reminiscing about the past. Whenever Hiro comes up, I start remembering everything and I eventually start tearing up. I wish I could go back in time and stopped it from happening. How nice would that be

Welp, Uni has been getting super busy. Everything is so overwhelming that I always feel so lost. Sometimes I just really need a big and long hug. I just continually feel as though I'm not good enough. It's as though I need constant validation. I have this little thing I tend to do... I get overwhelmed, then sit on my bed and cry to myself =D Cry it all out then get back to work. YAY

 I haven't done the things I loved in such a long time. I can't do much at all I feel so suffocated. The other day I saw Anne with a photo of all the new clothes she bought. Its sad to say, but I was a bit envious of her. I haven't gone shopping for myself here in Aus for a while. Been wearing the same old shit every single day. I haven't played pool for almost half a year now. The things I give just to be able to play again. I haven't hung with anyone other than Denne for such a long time. Sometimes I just want to go somewhere. Just fucking somewhere please. I just want to relax so much its insane.

Welp, maybe I should stop complaining. I'm blessed to be able to have a good education anyways. Seems like I gotta say bye to my social life and my sanity for a few years. 

I feel as though I've changed a lot cause of uni Lol. I sometimes wonder why I bother open up to people. So many times that a guy gets all friendly and close, then avoids me when he finds out that I have a boyfriend. At least 10 already. Ain't that nice. When I try and meet up with "Friends
, they always say theyre busy. When I try to find something that fits into both our schedules, they're too lazy.... Thanks mate. Judged badly cause I'm bi. ohhHOHOHOH (imagine in a french type tone LOL) Fuck yourself =D. I'm apparently not a good person because I have "unnaturally" dyed hair, want more piercings and a tattoo. Well you people, go fuck yourselves =D I'll sponsor a dildo for you to do so =)

End of my mid night rant =D

Finally out of my system, yay?

Well, I'm back? Its been a while. Lately I have been so busy that it is just cray cray. So, lets have an update. ^^

Well, I've gotten into the university of my dreams. Although it might not mean much to anyone, but I am so happy I got accepted. I bombed grade 12 so bad, and I'm grateful to be where I am. I got accepted into the University of Queensland! YAY. I'm doing a full time bachelor of Science Degree, hoping to major in zoology/ecology and be a field researcher. I've been so damn tired ever since I started.

I've found that I rarely have anytime to do anything other than study. I go to Uni, I study my ass off, and then go home, clean up and help around the house, then study more. Even on days like Monday where I have 2 lectures in the morning (total of 2 hours) and then a 4 hour break until my last lecture at 2pm, I woddle to the Biological Sciences Library to study for that whole break. And even though I do that, when I get home (on monday) I still need to study since I have a 9am-8pm day on tuesdays. Since Tuesdays have 2 practicals, I need to memories things for the prelab tests. So that means...

Breaks = study

Home = study

Weekend = work and study

Bus ride = study or sleep

Eating at Cafeteria = study 

Isn't that beautiful .-.

I've noticed that I've been drinking a LOT of English breakfast tea lately. Not to mention a decent amount of coffee and red bull. Though they aren't anywhere near as much. I even asked dad to spare me some coffee cups so that I can drink some on the morning on the bus .-. 

I've also been listening to a LOT of Yiruma lately! Its nice study music =D

Welp, anywho, back to study.

Thats an small update, I got pre-tutorial work to do for tmrw.