I was recommended to see go see Dr Bennett about my escapism and possible anxiety issues. I was told that my symptoms are textbook symptoms of anxiety, but it may also be due to an array of other things. He got me to have a blood test to look at my irons levels. Difficulty sleeping, lack of energy, always feeling tired despite the amount of sleep and difficulty concentrating can be symptoms of low iron levels. Turns out I was as normal as normal can get. There was not a thing out of place, or on the boundaries.

Dr Bennett also got me to do a self-report questionnaire on anxiety, depression and something else ( I forgot what it was). Since I am in the process of studying an extended major in psychology, I've had experience with how these questionnaires work. Ie. how they are structured, how they are scored and how the questions are manipulated in attempts to make the intentions of the questionnaire a bit ambiguous. I've looked really deeply into personality and mental illness type questionnaires because I had to come up with a short questionnaire for an experiment I needed to conduct for an assessment piece in a social psyc course. I saw the headers of the marking scheme and I'm just thinking, "oh shit, I know how this is marked and how it will be interpreted." Without a second thought, the second I saw the marking side, I folded the paper so I could complete the questionnaire without and biases. 

Results suggested that its probably not depression and it may very well be something to do with anxiety. I was asked if any of my family do display any of the same symptoms I've noticed in myself. I do see it in mum. Not as obvious as it is with me, because I assume she has grown to cope with it, but I do see plenty of resemblances. All of that, along with the fact that anxiety is most common in 15 - 25 year old females... yeah. And that is how I am here, pending to go see a psychologist. Yay

I was completely oblivious to it, until I studied mood disorders and anxiety in an introductory psychology class. I ticked off every box in regards to the symptoms as my stomach started to drop lower and lower. I was completely ignorant towards it. 

Honestly though, I'm scared. It's as though I've finally gotten a glimpse of the monster in my closet. And quite frankly, I can't come to terms with how to feel. With that, along with whats happening with grandpa and my studies being so unsure this semester, I feel so lost. Even after the dope as grades I got last semester, it just suddenly feels as though I took a few steps back and lost sight of everything again.



I try to so hard to hide it, like nothing is wrong. The fear of being judged and looked down upon as weak is ridiculous. But really, I just yearn for comfort and reassurance, something that is difficult to come across. I try and keep it to myself, because I think its unfair for me to expect Denne to understand and be able to comfort me when he can't even grasp what and how I'm feeling.