Silent Tears
That moment when you realised that you're either going to stay up all night with empty tears falling down you're face or cry yourself to sleep once again.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Slow Dancing
The class is strong in this one.
I am a weird child. I personally love, let me repeat that
LOVE
slow dancing. Its just been one of those things that has always really interested me and makes me real happy. That moment when the boyfriend still remembers the dances from school. Dancing in his living room! So so much class, despite the fact that he was only wearing his briefs, but close enough LOL.
Safe Haven
I become so exhausted, warn out and stressed out every single day after school. To the point where I become overwhelmed every afternoon. At the end of the week I feel like I would just slump down and turn into a derp shell. ._.
But whenever I'm with my boyfriend, all my worries seem to just magically fade away. Sometimes I just wish that he would come over everyday, or even better, live with me. I love the times where he just comes over randomly. He'd make me shit myself no matter what way he comes in. After the shock, all I can do is smile.
Welcome Home ^^
おかえり
Okaeri
I'm Home
ただいま
TadaimaAll my troubles, all my worries and all my fears just wash away the second we embrace. The feeling is so amazing. Just the thought that his presence could so easily ease me is mind blowing. Sometimes I just sit there and think, "I'd love it if we could live together, or if I could see him everyday."
Being in his presence is like being in a safe haven. There's nothing that can sway me. I can calmly study as I can see him right there. How amazing life would be if that wish can come true. Having the man I love the most with me everyday. Even if it was only for a few short hours everyday, I'd be content.
Every week I must wait, til the end where I can finally return to my safe haven for just a day. To be in his arms. Without worries and without doubts, just us in a room together, uninterrupted. Laying in bed talking, play chess, wrestling and just enjoying ourselves.
Hahas, I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'm so brain dead. I'll end it here.
I can't wait to return to my Safe Haven
I love you
愛してるよ
Aishiteru
This photo reminds me of him so much that its not even funny <3
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Dear My Asian Mum
First of all, Pink has helped me through so much. This so is what helped me through times like this. So here you go. Too bad no mother fucker thinks so though. Someone told me I was once, and oh they fuck me over too. (Y)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You ask me what have you done to make me stay silent when you lecture me, and you ask me what you did for me to "turn into such a piece of shit"?
Maybe I don't reply to the thing you ask me when you lose your temper and go ape shit is because every time I open my mouth and explain myself, you lose your head even more and say that I'm even more of a piece of shit because I'm apparently back chatting. However, its humorous that when I stay silent and don't reply like you have advised me to do with dad, you ask me if there is anything between my ears. Maybe I don't reply cause if I open my mouth, you're going to call me even more names.
Why do I go out so much? Because I CANT TAKE IT. I can't handle all the stress from school and being in a hostile home added all together. Why can't I just finish all my work on the weekdays, so that I can run away for the weekend and be away from the things that make me so stressed that I just sit there due to how overwhelmed I am. I just want to be somewhere away from home on the weekend. I like to go to university open days so that I can see where I can go with my future. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU! You want me to stay in this house every single day. I'm not a dog... I need my space, I need to get rid of this stress. I want to end things on a day to day basis. I want to just get away from everything from a day to day basis. I just want to run away from you who calls me a piece of shit, who doesn't love me for who I am, rather who you want me to be.
I've been restricted most my life, and I can't take that anymore. I want to be free, I want to be me, I want to reach my dream, not yours. I want to do art, I want to be an interior designer or a fashion designer, but I can't because its not good enough for you. I had to fight for the next best thing, microbiology. You wanted something medical related and there you go. Thats it.
I'm sorry that I'm a piece of shit to you. I'm sorry that I'm good for nothing. I'm sorry I'm worthless and that I'm not like other people. I'm sorry I'm different. But I am me. I am me who has had enough. I am me who has reached their limit. I who cry everyday after school just to let out the tension just to continue the rest of the day smiling, is in a lot of pain. I don't want to hate you, lot of the times you do so much for me. But its so hard to listen to your mum not accepting you for who you are. I'm no genius...
Yes I got A's in grade 8 and 9. Its because it was so easy. A large majority of students got A's when they tried and many achieved the same without even trying. But you don't understand that senior years are different. I try so hard yet you still aren't happy with it. You think I'm not trying and you think that me going out is effecting my grades. If I don't go out and release the stress, I would crack constantly every single day. I would want to just freaken crawl in a while and die. I'm sorry the thing you gave birth to is not good enough for you. But I am nowhere near what you thought I was, I won't get an OP 1-3 like you think, its not easy. I won't be a doctor, a dentist, a lawyer or a surgeon like you wished. I'm just sorry that I am a piece of shit.
I don't listen to you much anymore because
1. I don't remember what you want me to do, genuinely because I'm so stressed to the point where I don't remember anything unless its very very very important (school things).
2. I'm sick of being hurt by your words...
3. I accepted that I'm a shit rag, after all the times you've called me names and I refused to accept it, I finally did. Yes, I'm worthless, and everything else you have called me through out my life. I make you "sin" because I'm so horrible that I make you yell and cuss at me.
Congratulations Mum... You've broken me. My will to do anything is gone. I have no more ambitions... No more power to strive... I know I'm a child that no one would want ^^
When Anxiety Hits
This is basically what happens when a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very small case of anxiety hits. When its at its easiest to deal with, all that happens is turning into a potato. Even though you know you got shit you have to do, and if you don't do it, you're fucked, you can't find anything in yourself to move from that aldjkfhgkjdfhglkdafjhgalkjdfnvIOSAEUNRVOIWEUNF state. The kill me now moment (Y)
Sunday, July 28, 2013
"I Can't Resist Your Scent"
First, here's a nice as song I found today on YouTube
Sex ain't better than love.
------
Anywho, I made my boyfriend this teddy bear for his birthday.
That was one time consuming project. Buying the fur cost a fair bit, along with the polar fleece for the feet and hands, not to mention accessories like the pink husky for the paw and the ribbons For the bow and collar. It look a long time looking for a pattern and modifying it too. But all the effort was worth it! Now it's forever in the corner of his bed.
I made sure that the teddy smelt similar to me before giving it to him. Now he keeps smelling the little guy and hugging it here and there. I think it's so adorable. I'm so happy that he likes it.
"It smells exactly like you!.. It has about of sweetness to it, smells so sweet and fluffy and isivfiodcoshfo"
Hahas he makes me so incredibly happy.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Pimpin' Mah Shiet
Oh well this baby should be fine for now lol. This shit is pretty trippy though!
Also, ITS FRIDAY TOMORROW!!! Its been soo soooo soooooo long since I had a legitimate netball game or sports in general. Last two weeks of term two no netball because of QCS people and their useless talks, and first two weeks of term three no play because the courts wasn't done yet. ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!! FINISH THE FUCKING COURTS ALREADY I WANT TO PLAY SOME SPORTS!!! khwksjukj,yskhaj. Going all out tomorrow! All out it is!
Talking about sports and exercise, tomorrow I must tell the story of weak as mother fuckers doing the shittiest sit ups and push ups on earth... Little bitches stop being so cocky when your ass can't even do w legitimate sit up. zzzzz
Night night, miss Denne
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