Maybe I don't reply to the thing you ask me when you lose your temper and go ape shit is because every time I open my mouth and explain myself, you lose your head even more and say that I'm even more of a piece of shit because I'm apparently back chatting. However, its humorous that when I stay silent and don't reply like you have advised me to do with dad, you ask me if there is anything between my ears. Maybe I don't reply cause if I open my mouth, you're going to call me even more names. 

Why do I go out so much? Because I CANT TAKE IT. I can't handle all the stress from school and being in a hostile home added all together. Why can't I just finish all my work on the weekdays, so that I can run away for the weekend and be away from the things that make me so stressed that I just sit there due to how overwhelmed I am. I just want to be somewhere away from home on the weekend. I like to go to university open days so that I can see where I can go with my future. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU! You want me to stay in this house every single day. I'm not a dog... I need my space, I need to get rid of this stress. I want to end things on a day to day basis. I want to just get away from everything from a day to day basis. I just want to run away from you who calls me a piece of shit, who doesn't love me for who I am, rather who you want me to be. 

I've been restricted most my life, and I can't take that anymore. I want to be free, I want to be me, I want to reach my dream, not yours. I want to do art, I want to be an interior designer or a fashion designer, but I can't because its not good enough for you. I had to fight for the next best thing, microbiology. You wanted something medical related and there you go. Thats it. 

I'm sorry that I'm a piece of shit to you. I'm sorry that I'm good for nothing. I'm sorry I'm worthless and that I'm not like other people. I'm sorry I'm different. But I am me. I am me who has had enough. I am me who has reached their limit. I who cry everyday after school just to let out the tension just to continue the rest of the day smiling, is in a lot of pain. I don't want to hate you, lot of the times you do so much for me. But its so hard to listen to your mum not accepting you for who you are. I'm no genius... 

Yes I got A's in grade 8 and 9. Its because it was so easy. A large majority of students got A's when they tried and many achieved the same without even trying.  But you don't understand that senior years are different. I try so hard yet you still aren't happy with it. You think I'm not trying and you think that me going out is effecting my grades. If I don't go out and release the stress, I would crack constantly every single day. I would want to just freaken crawl in a while and die. I'm sorry the thing you gave birth to is not good enough for you. But I am nowhere near what you thought I was, I won't get an OP 1-3 like you think, its not easy. I won't be a doctor, a dentist, a lawyer or a surgeon like you wished. I'm just sorry that I am a piece of shit. 

I don't listen to you much anymore because

1. I don't remember what you want me to do, genuinely because I'm so stressed to the point where I don't remember anything unless its very very very important (school things). 

2. I'm sick of being hurt by your words...

3. I accepted that I'm a shit rag, after all the times you've called me names and I refused to accept it, I finally did. Yes, I'm worthless, and everything else you have called me through out my life. I make you "sin" because I'm so horrible that I make you yell and cuss at me. 

Congratulations Mum... You've broken me. My will to do anything is gone. I have no more ambitions... No more power to strive... I know I'm a child that no one would want ^^