I don't know if this is a resolution, or something that is designed to get back at him and show him how it feels to be put into my situation, but...

From here, I will longer change things, or try and change things as they are addressed. I will do as I please so that I won't expect him to act accordingly towards my discomforts and insecurities. Everything that I've done until how, I will not maintain the way I talk to my friends and talk like I always do. Because I am not trying so hard to talk normally(in a way that he says is "flirtatious") to my friends, I won't expect him to do anything towards my discomforts. If he addresses something that makes him feel negatively, I won't address it unless it is worth my time, or if it seems understandable from my point of view. 

This is how things have been for me lately, maybe its time that I treat him the same way? Or am I being too childish? Is enduring it the "mature" way of handling this? I feel as though I'm becoming more and more empty inside. Guess I'm going to have to say hello to a good old friend again hey.

I'm a fucking moron when it comes to dating...I feel as though I do things that no one else is willing to do. My SO becomes the number one priority. Whenever jealousy arises, I do everything I possibly can to change it.

Why are you feeling this way?

What makes you feel uncomfortable?

How can I help this?

What can I do to make you feel more secure?
How can I show you that I love you more than anything? 

I'll do anything to make you happy.




That is all I think about. I hate the feeling of being the the grasps of the green eyed monster. I know how it feels to be hurt by my SO because they don't care about how uncomfortable I feel about something. I instinctively comfort them like a bloody idiot.

Why is it ok for others to completely ignore my insecurities or my discomfort, but it is douchey of me to do so? Why is it ok for my partners to ignore how horrible I am feeling about 1 specific person  who has really hurt me when it isn't ok for me to talk normally to acquaintance. Seriously, what the fuck do you want me to do? Its either I ignore how you feel like how you do to me, or I try my best to make it better for you. Am I not meant to give a shit? Or do I compromise?

Acquaintance > SO
Maybe thats the new thing.

I'm probably not made for youth relationships. Nor am I made for human interactions ...
or this world in general.

I'm not worth anyone's time anyways

Recently, I've come to really dislike the presence of a certain someone a lot more than usual. I've been having an internal battle with myself, trying to find myself emotionally and spiritually since I haven't been liking who I am. It feels as though I've been trying to blend in with people, picking up other people's traits (mostly bad so it seems). Trying to fit into society seems like something that is impossible for me to do. 

Lately, I've been getting so angry at the fact that people can get away with doing such douchey things. People who talk shit about their apparent "best friends" then turn around and smile like nothing happened, people who cancels last minute because they "cbf" to do something and then give other people shit when they need to cancel because they genuinely needed to do something., people who give people shit for doing something that they themselves do as well, slut shaming without knowing the situation and people who advise someone to give up on an aspect of their life without knowing anything about the situation. 

I don't know why I went there, but back on topic. This one person advised my SO to break things off during the period of our relationship where we discover the "not so best side" of each other. (Usually when you start a relationship, you show your best face to increase your chances of being together. Once time passes, everything about yourself start to show. All your bad habits and all of the parts of yourself that is really shitty. You start to finding things that you disagree with and find really hard to compromise).  I felt extremely angry about it. This person had nothing to do with the relationship, nor did they have much to do with either my SO or I. This person wasn't really apart of any our lives, and even when we tried to include them in our lives, we either get no replies or an extraordinarily late reply. I was infuriated because she had the audacity to tell someone that it would be best to break up a relationship, without a clue in the world what is happening between the couple. 

When I think about it,  I guess the fact that I was already having  a hard time with the relationship made me start to hate them rather than thinking that they are delusional or pretentious. I feel as though its a irrational hate. Honestly, the only reason I feel that is because I've been unstable. I feel as though I should be more considerate towards the person because they had just gone through a break up of a long term relationship. I can't decide whether or not it is a good enough reason to warrant their actions as "ok". Or maybe I'm just being too sensitive. I probably wouldn't have minded if the person actually understood what was going on, or is someone that one of us dmn with. Its just the fact that they don't know jack shit made me really angry.

 I don't know what I wanted from this post. Its probably just me trying to make it feel as though there is someone that understands how it feels or that someone is listening to my problems. But oh well

Another reason for you to think I'm a D-bag (y) yay.