While at work - "Uncle Thinh, are you a jealous person?"

"What do you mean by this?

"Well, I know you guys have been together since you were in your late teens, so I was wondering if you ever got jealous of another guy throughout the years"

"You know... the great thing about your aunt is that she has never given me a reason to be jealous"

I was taken aback for a bit. So while doing miscellaneous things around the restaurant, I thought about what he said and reflected back on my relationship. I'm quite grateful for how my relationship with Denne has matured over the past year. I'm also grateful for how much we both have grown as individuals. Other than the one time in our first year of being together, Denne has not given me another reason to be jealous. 

I used to be incredibly insecure and scared of being cheated on when I learnt about an ex's 'adventures' when he went partying without me. I was told so by people who were close to him and close to me at the time, but I honestly still don't know if things actually happened the way I was told it did. Regardless, at that time, I was incredibly vulnerable, and that information did not help me what so ever. At that point, Denne and I had the first major fight in our relationship. Rather than comforting me after we talked things through, he went to have lunch with someone. Long story short, she told him to break up with me. Especially since she had just split from a long term relationship, she kept seeking comfort in him; asking for him to drop things and come spend time with her out of the blue, or wanting to sleep over his place. Given the circumstances, I think jealousy is quite a reasonable emotional response. 

I can honestly say that after we were able to work it through and come to understand each other's perspectives more, he has never given me the reason to be jealous. He works night shifts, and although it made me anxious to begin with (most probably GAD talking to me) I quickly became accustomed to it; although I will admit that sometimes I do get lonely when we are both busy. I need to be reasonable, and not give in or feed my anxiety by holding Denne too tight just to calm it down. But Denne was also reasonable with me and GAD, in that he would tell me that he got home safe from work, or gave me a heads up that he is going out to the pub with Maria and other co-workers. He came to understand the extent of my GAD, and understood that my intentions were not to keep tabs on where he was, rather it was to calm or prevent my anxious (and sometimes down right obsessive) thought processes. More of 'btw honey, I'm not dead' rather than 'can I do have a drink with my mates?'

After reflecting on it, I came to the realisation that... I no longer have any insecurities of being cheated on anymore. At the end of the day, I have grown because I am more able to recognise when GAD is talking or reacting. Although it will most probably never go away, although it may be a diagnosis that I live with for the rest of my life, I have learnt to manage it. I am now able to flourish, regardless of the mental illness. Denne has grown to be much more responsible, empathetic and aware of other's perspectives. He has become incredibly attentive to my anxiety, being able to spot out when I am struggling and stepping in to help me. He is happy to make up for what I lack in, as much as I am happy to do so too. 

Yes, we are human, we are flawed, we make mistakes. But regardless, I think we all deserve to be with someone who loves us enough to never give us a reason to feel jealous.