Resentment is toxic no matter what the situation is. I now have this deep-seated hatred towards him. I'm just so angry and gutted I still don't know how to feel or how to begin dealing with those feelings. We are currently looking for a new home for Bolt. A situation got out of hand and we are no longer permitted to keep Bolt. 

I hate him so fucking much, for allowing things to get to this point, despite being warned multiple times. I hate him so much for putting so little effort. I hate him so much for putting in so little time. I hate him so fucking much, for taking our baby for granted and only start to love him properly when he needs to be gone. I hate his attitude towards life. I hate how little motivation he has to do get up and do something. I hate how much he has allowed something like a fucking computer game take over his life. I hate how he puts so much effort into online games, while he puts so little into the people and animals that love him. I hate how he claims to put so much effort and that he feels exhausted from doing so, where really most of it was spent somewhere else. 

I hate

That no matter how much he says he loves me

I cant see it through his actions

I have done more than enough to show you that I love you. I stayed committed and loyal to you, giving you time and patience through your hard times. I have supported you with whatever it is that you wanted and never forced to into something you didn't want. I've always had your best interest in mind. I tell you what I need and don't make you play guessing games. I give you everything that you need, whether it be time to do your hobbies or cooking you a full course meal whenever you want it. I tend to your every need, because I just want to see you feel cherished and happy. I always blamed myself for the first two years.

"It's probably because I don't cherish him enough"

"Its probably because I haven't done enough to show him that I love him"

"Maybe I just don't deserve it.

"Am I being too impatient with him?"

"Is he acting like this because I demand too much?"

"Am I Not Good Enough?"

After losing bolt... I can't believe that anymore. I can't convince myself that its an problem with me anymore. And hence all the pent up emotions, the hatred and the anger has been released. Now, all I think is,

"Why would you treat us like this"

"I thought you loved us"

"Why would you shatter out hearts if you really loved us"

"What is it about us, that you would rather spend more time on games than us"

"Why"

--------------------- End ----------------------

Bolt