I can't please you.
Asian parents do not make the kindest parents, nor do they make the most considerate and open minded people. My dad is homophobic. Although he doesn't say, "you can't be gay" to random people he doesn't know, he will say some of the most fucked up things about people of the LGBTQ+ (which I am apart of, woooh) community that blows my mind. Things are his way or the highway. Both my parents, are unable to control their emotions. What a surprise I have issues with that. The difference is with them, whenever they feel any type of anger or negative emotion, their child becomes their emotional punching bag. When something is wrong in their day or in their life, they bash on their child, trying to vent out the frustration they feel. They demand respect from you, regardless of how they treat you.
Their perspective is THE RIGHT perspective. They know best, regardless of their education. They know best, regardless of whatever any expert (who have spent their whole lives in their field) say. They know best, regardless of what decades of literature has said about any topic. They can say the sky is pink, sharks fly, water burns, and dogs hoot, regardless of anything you present them with, because they have 'lived more' and hence 'they know'. Even if you're a doctor, they know more than you, because what you do is 'just theory', and their experience is real.
YOU CANNOT REASON WITH THEM. They are intolerant to anything that does not conform to their biases. Conformation bias is rampant amongst asian parents.
They get mad at you, for something that happened in that moment, and blame you for always doing it. I haven't played games for weeks on end, concentrating on my studies, and getting good fucking grades at that. I'm most definitely gonna get my first 7 at university this semester. I go to university from Tuesday to Thursday, leaving my house before 9 and coming home around 7pm. I come home, rest while eating dinner and showering, before going back to studying again until 11 or 12pm. I work on Fridays and Saturdays until 3. I rest a bit, nap, have dinner, freshen up, then right back to studying. Sunday is my day off, to spend with denne and to have a bit of a fucking break. Then Monday, I prepare for the week to start all over again. I just finished 3-4 constant weeks of that, and just finished all my assessments, with the exception of two exams that will happen in 2 weeks.
Feeling burnt out, I played games yesterday and today. Today, mum called and wanted me to do things. I told her I'd do it after I finish my game. You can't leave in the middle of a DOTA game without getting penalised. Then she hits me with a, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS PLAY GAMES. THATS ALL YOU CARE ABOUT."
Wot?
She hangs up. I called her back to tell her that I've been working very hard for weeks and did not play any games at all. I only started to play again yesterday and today. I also didn't say no to doing the chore, I said I'd do it after this game, so I don't understand why she was upset. She then replied, "ok ok, you're right. I can't believe you call me back for that." Even more mad than before. It's the type of reply where you agree that they're right, without changing your mind, just for them to fuck off. Like, "ok ok whatever. I'm wrong, you're right. You're always right. HAPPY?!?!"
It's something she does when she is wrong. Deep down she know she's wrong. But she is the mum, and I need to listen and follow no matter right or wrong.
At this point in my life, I've come to the conclusion that I can never keep my mum happy for a prolong period of time. That is, unless I bow my head down and conform to the mold or image she has for me. They are never happy with me, unless I fit their image of the perfect child. Submissive, resilient to everything negative, accepting of anything demanded of me, able to achieve anything self for me, able to drop anything at any given moment to please their desires no matter how fleeting.
I'm none of that. I am not submissive, and have my own personality. I am not resilient, as I am an anxious person. I will not stand for unjust criticisms. I will not accept anything demanded of me, because that was how I become anxious to begin with. I am a person of reason. I am my own person, with my own hopes, my own dreams and my own desires. I will not pertain to your mold, and if that makes you unhappy with me, then I'm sorry. I can't do anything about that.
I'm paving a path towards where I want to go. To a future I see for myself, for what I see as success. Success has never been about the prestigious job, the 6 figure salary, or the luxury possessions. Success is happiness, and happiness is attainable without riches.
My path will never be straight, it will be full of twists and turns. There will be setbacks, there will be times where I will go backwards, but that is how I will grow and experience the world. I am no longer a child you are able to mold. I'm molding myself into who and what I want to be, and I will never apologise for it.
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In hindsight, yes I do understand that asian parents generally can only show their love throw acts of service and with financial support. That is how the culture is. Money was a hard thing to make, so they want you have absolutely no trouble with finances at all. Hence the prestigious job, making a shit tonne of money etc. However, they expect too much. I will live a comfortable life in Australia, on the average wage. They are blind sighted by their wish for their child to live an easier life, and forget about everything else. They have this idea of what a person without any financial struggles looks it, and they want you to be like that. Again, every single day, I want to be nothing else other than a better version of who I was yesterday. I will not conform to something I am not. And I will never apologise for that.
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