A lot of things have changed quite a bit. The beginning of the year lead to leaps and bounds, hence talking about it in sections would make it much more digestible.

Work: So I went to buy a mouse because my old one wouldn't stop crapping out. Got myself a G502 logitech mouse for super cheap, along with a proper mouse pad. Chatted with the previous manager, one thing lead to another and I grew the balls to ask about getting a job there. Needless to say, I got the fucking job :) Needless to say, I was shitting bricks at every bloody turn. What freaked me out the most was the phone... I HATE phones... but that damn thing rings constantly and I had to just suck it up and (painfully & awkwardly) beast through it. After 2 shifts, a sudden change in managers left me very anxious. I was only technically contracted for the christmas season, and now that the manager changed, I was no longer guaranteed a position after the holidays. The restaurant situation was also very difficult, and mum was stressed af. Needless to say it was a difficult time trying to push through the rest of the year without a cluster fuck of a stumble. After spending time with the grandparents and getting pep talks left and right from both them and Denne, I just shoved my head down and worked as hard as I could. I've worked two jobs for the past 2 months. There are times where I will have two weeks without a break, but my bank account isn't complaining. Even with some impulsive spending, a half week trip to the gold coast and theme parks with the kids, christmas presents etc, I still managed to save an average of $400/w. Finally reached 5k in the savings account for the first time ever. It makes such a huge difference when you're getting paid proper wages. Pretty much the majority of what I make at the new job goes straight into the savings account.

I'm now a permanent member of the team, and I can't deny that it makes me really happy. I like the people that I work with. It feels more like going to see friends more than going to work. My new manager, although kinda freaked me out to begin with, is a great dude. Once I got to understand how he functions, he's a grade A dude, so as every single other person that works at the store. It's great to go to work without crazy hours and constant running. The benefits are fucking great too. There really isnt anything to complain about at all... wait, I'm lying. The POS is H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E. Also, being the area we are situated in... lots of people are crazy, drunk or high off something. But other than that, I'm loving my job. Once I go back to uni, I'm quitting the restaurant to continue with the new job. Going to make saving much easier considering I really only have 2 days on campus.

Hobby: The amount of time I'm spending on games has dramatically reduced. I'm usually working 6-7 days a week, so my brain is in no condition to play dota without being a useless feeding potato. Plus, Denne doesnt play anymore either. Hes playing PUBG only nowadays. It's kinda disappointing, to not be able to play with each other anymore, but the bright side is that we are spending more quality time together. So I'm satisfied in that department. I've picked up cross stitching again and I'm really enjoying it. Started with a small and relatively simple kit. Denne took me to spotlight the other week to buy a embroidery hoop and omfg does it make a difference in the quality of the stitches. There is next to no image distortion :) I'm a happy camper. While we were there, we found aida cloth. The cloth that I chose from the pile turned out to be on clearance for about 10$ rather that >30$, so I obviously jumped on that. I got a WHOLE METRE... No kidding, it's gonna last me FOREEEEVVVEEEEEEEEEEEER. There was also a whole aisle of a shit tonne of colours of DMC embroidery floss. I'm already about half way through this kit. The second I am done, I am gonna look up so patterns on etzy. Going to save so much money on the kits itself. Obviously it's going to cost a decent amount of money to begin collecting the embroidery floss, but it will get to a point where I'm gonna have more than I am missing. THERE ARE SO MANY COLOURS!!!! The whole time Denne was like, "staaph." Haha. I can see why I stopped going to spotlight.... I want EVERYTHING in there. I can see myself ending up being that mum that sews her kids clothes or picking up sewing as a hobby. Talk about old fashion right?

Also, I'm kinda excited to start on a new pattern... to get all them colours :D Probably going to need to find a storage system for the floss. I also want to make an ID chart for the colours as well. Apparently DMC is a big brand for embroidery floss, so find a way to systematically organise them shouldnt be hard :)

New Year Resolution: I really don't like the "new year, new me" bs. Just because a new year came, doesn't mean that you can do a complete 180. You are the way you are because the things you do day to day are habits. Habits doesn't change when the clock ticks 12. This isn't Cinderella lol. My goals for 2018 is to work passionately with projects I am currently engaged in, whether it be at work or at university. I don't want to keep getting lost in anxiety, thinking about how to get to where I want or if I can even get there. I will invest my energy in whatever short term project I am involved in.

Starting in 2018, I want to live my life in accordance to my values. I want to be true to myself rather than trying to make others happy while disregarding what I want in life. The first thing I did with this is telling mum that I'm getting a double helix ear piercing. I've always held back on piercings and tattoos because I didn't want mum to be upset at me, but fuck it. I want to do what makes me happy. Yes, maybe I won't want to keep the piercing for the rest of my life, I might take it out in a few years, or a few decades. But getting the piercing is what I've wanted for the past few years, and it is something I want to do. Soooooooo thats happening some time soon. I have also let my parents know that I am leaving the restaurant. I want to move forward in life. I want to build a future with denne and gain independence. I want to invest in my own property, I want to build something better than what I have, and it's not something I can do at the restaurant.

I also wanted to learn to love myself more. At this point in my life, I have embraced my GAD. My journey with anxiety is like Thomas Sander's journey with Virgil... It's just that GAD doesn't have a name yet haha. I can better appreciate anxiety for what benefits it brings to me, while at the same time manage it better. What I've struggled with more is my body image issues. I have low self esteem when it comes to how I look. I've been unhappy with how I've looked recently after gaining a few kgs since high school. I thought it was just insecurity, but I ended up coming to the conclusion that I was truly unhappy with how I looked. To add to that, my diet was horrible. To improve on that, I've reduced my meal portions rather than going on a strict diet. It doesn't make me happy to eat "healthy" foods and only be restricted to a handful of things. My diet is pretty much the same, only that I eat less, add more veges and fruits as snacks, drink less sugary drinks and drink more water. It's no painful at all. I've gone from 47 to about 44kgs in 2-3 months, purely because i'm eating less shit and keeping hydrated. Another thing in this regard, I've completely stopped wearing contacts. Yes I do wear eyeshadow from the Kat Von D palette, that Denne gave to me for christmas, to contour my eyes a bit. But other than that, no contacts. Anywhere.

Relationship: The dynamic of our relationship has changed a lot. It's hard to explain, but long story short we are working better together as a unit than ever before. We are both more in tuned with each other and are better looking after each other's needs. We are fast approaching 5 years :)

I'm a potato. Working so much lately. I think I just fried my brain haha.