There is this thing within relationships that really gets me into a jumble. 

"Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky."

Aka, give your spouse what you give without asking for anything back. I feel as though it won't work out, unless the two people are on the same level. I believe that you should always give without asking anything in return. But when you're living with the specific person every single day and when you do all these things for this specific person, yet you don't receive back, it can hurt. It is fucking hard. No matter how I try and think about it, relationships always end sup being a give and take thing. It always comes down to this; It doesn't need to be a 50/50 give and receive ratio. But it can't also be something ridiculous like a 10/90 thing either. 

I find that it is an incredibly difficult thing to expect your spouse not to want/demand in return if you yourself don't actively try and treat her back for the effort he/she gives you. It may not even be their fault that they don't actively do so. They might of never been in such a relationship before. They might have never been put into a situation where they need to also tend to the needs of another individual. It can just be pure absentmindedness or even inexperience, rather than neglect. 

I feel that understanding that is the first step to getting somewhere. You can't just be constantly doing things for them and have them just chill, because burn out is a pretty common thing. You can't expect that from your spouse either. It isn't like, 'he's/she's washing up the dishes, oh isn't that nice,' and proceed to bum out. No matter how patient they are, they didn't get into a relationship with out to be your mother or your father. They fell in love with you for a good amount of things. They fell in love with you because of intimacy, because of effort, because of quality time etc. What the fuck do you think is going to happen when all that shit is gone? If your time, effort, expressions and attentiveness drops from a 9 to a 2, how the fuck are they meant to be satisfied. 

But at the same time... "DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK"

It's easily said and sounds perfect. Some people I've had conversations with say that that is how it should be and that is how they are. But when I give them a situation where they are giving 9 parts and their spouse is giving 1 part. They all don't like the idea of it. They wouldn't be happy with that. I don't know anyone who would.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!! It's selfish to want something back, and if you do something to get something in return, then that isn't a good motive to have when doing a good deed. 

So what would you do in this situation? 

Do you;

1. Suck it up and deal with it

2. Talk about it and tell them you want more (directly)

3. Beat around the bush?

Like seriously, what do you do? Number one should never be an option and number three is just a waste of time. But number two has its difficulties too due to many factors, whether is you not being able to keep your cool, your spouse taking it defensively, your spouse being inconsistent, bad communication and a fucktone of other things that can just make it all into one big, long, dragged out fight which can foster bitterness and spite between the two individuals. 

Hence, I find this extremely difficult. I question myself whether I should just take what I am given. If I should lessen the things I do, or if I should just continue to with things are they are. I'm so on the fence with an issue that is so common in relationships... its stupid. I guess that means a lot more growing up to do

My general outlook is, "Both parties must put a good amount of effort into satisfying the needs of the other and show them that they are loved in their own love language, but at the same time they also need to understand that they are in deed another individual. Hence, as much as you need to tend to their needs, you also need to let go, so that both parties can do and enjoy their own thing in their own time." A lot easier said than done. Again, good in theory, but applying it is another story.

-Just needed to put my wondering thoughts down-

(I wonder too many times, too often, too long)