When
you're independent, you either make it on your own, or you fuck up on
your own. Either you reach success with the hard work you yourself
invested in, or you die by fucking yourself over. Everything that
happens to you is mainly your own doing. If you lose motivation, its
because you aren't strong enough to keep it. If you don't complete
something important, its because you can't or you're just lazy. Your
downfall and success is entirely up to you.
When
you're dependent, you reach success in the arms of your friends,
however when you fuck up, you can also fuck up in their arms. You being
to blame and point. You trusted. Trusted too much and you get a slap to
the face. Then whose fault is it? Is it yours or the ones you trusted
in? Things just become so messy when you are dependent, even though it
brings you so much joy and makes your life so much easier.
Why
not just be independent? Why not have no need in other people? Why
don't you throw away your need for people like your significant other
and dear friends? You can achieve happiness with or without them.
I
guess my answer to all of that is, "I'm scared of the feeling fading".
After everything that happened in my life, I rarely trust. I want to be
around people or around my art. However I don't want to trust them. I'd
always be on my own, but never alone, and things where good that way, as
I didn't care what people did to me because it didn't matter. Cancel
plans last minute when I'm already there waiting for you? Whatever, yo
don't mean shit, so it doesn't matter, hit up another friend and the day
goes on. Now that there are important people in my life, I'm reverting
back to being dependent. Although there are times where I'm extremely
happy because of the way they are there for me and what not. But when
things change a bit, it hurts more than it should. I just want to revert
back into the person that didn't give a single fuck what people did to
me. I just want to revert back to that independent side, that is strong
and can handle myself. I hate being hurt by those I hold deep. It hurts
more than it ever should.
V1: I guess I never saw it comin', I was in my zone being on my own but never single and alone I was so convinced I would never love again a hopeless romantic at a dead end
I dated different girls but I knew it wasn't fair cause I'd put them beside youand see how they compare I'd bring myself to do it but I wouldn't follow through cause when you went away, my heart followed you
you left me with some baggages I couldn't unpack now it's hard for me to love somebody else and trust backI even thought maybe I should move outta town far from everything that drags me down
but it's all the same, no matter where I go my life was like a re-run, the show was getting old but right before everything fell and hit the ground I met a girl that flipped me upside down
Chorus:She made it easier to love she's the reason why I left my past in the dust so long love, you ain't gotta worry 'bout me I'm ready to let you be and let you free
She made it easier to go she's the reason why that I finally got control so long love, she has something that was never in you I finally found a girl that's better than you
V2: Instead of piecing it together I finally found a girl that made me sleep a little better she know me so well as if she read through all the letters of my heart I kept it locked up but I guess I've been robbed
you took a part of me and you never gave it back but now I found somebody that'll fill the missing half when she came around, she brought along "hope" and my heart that followed you came back home
Im giving her my trust, I ain't scared of being hurt cause what she does for me is speaking louder than her words and even though the past ain't erased she's the one that takes it all away she's my escape
she gives me reasons to believe again I ain't thinkin about the "woulda", "coulda", "might of been's" 'cause when you left I lost myself in the past but I met a girl that brought me back
Chorus: She made it easier to love she's the reason why I left my past in the dust so long love, you ain't gotta worry 'bout me I'm ready to let you be and let you free
She made it easier to go she's the reason why that I finally got control so long love, she has something that was never in you I finally found a girl that's better than you
Ahem, where do I start?..
First off, we are in the 21st Century, not the 20th. Times change and things change along with time. I respect your old as fuck rules, but no need to fucking push them on me. I don't slut around or party and drink like there's no tomorrow. I study my ass off to achieve the crap that YOU want me to achieve, not what I want to. I'm sick of your violent and just down right nasty way of raising kids. Calling names, hitting and putting down your kids is just mother fucking bull shit.
Yeah, I got a boyfriend, and I'm happy with the way things are. I know I'm in grade 12, but apparently to you people think that its a crime to be dating. Like seriously what the mother fucking fuck? I don't rape my boyfriends face in front of you. All I fucking do is just SIT ON, NEAR, OR NEXT TO HIM. Calm you fucking fake as tits. I'm just so sick of you dictating my life, to the point where I just don't give a single fuck anymore.
He's my biggest source of happiness while you are my biggest source of stress and hurt. So go fuck yourself and your stupid as conservative views. Asian parents just don't know when to stop, and they wonder why they have such shit relationships with their kids and why their kids seems to hate them.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my parents. I loved them so much, yet they hurt me to the point where I just don't care anymore. At least my heart tries not to in order to stop myself from going insane. I'm not going to blame you for being what made me into this mess, I'm not going to blame you for who I turned out. I blame myself for being too weak and not being able to handle what you say like those genius Asian kids that got to the top of the hill when it comes to success. At least they can handle what their parents say and do to them. But quite frankly I'm not like that. I know you would have been happier with a child like that rather than me. I already accepted that years ago.
I ain't no genius, I ain't that strong. I rebel to get away from you people who are meant to protect me the most, yet hurt me more than anyone else has ever.
I'm sitting here on my bed with my boyfriend curling around me half asleep. Just wanted to blog this moment cause its just so cute. my boyfriend is just laying here and gnawing softly on my knuckles. He started to develop the habit a month or so back and its something he really enjoys doing now.
Lol now he fell asleep on my hand xD so so cute. Thank god I learnt to type fast with one hand. I love being able too turn my head a bit and see that face fast asleep, while hugging my arm and rubbing my hands on his cheeks. My simple source of happiness~ =3
Happiness is like Dandelions, it's everywhere, you just need to find it.
Sometimes men make me wake the fuck even more than girls do. Girls make me what the fuck with the shirts that has half their titties hanging out and all, or dresses that looks like their ass cheeks are going to pop out if they bent down and what not. Don't get me wrong, girls can be fucking beautiful creatures, and I will admit that I like taking peeks at boobies too, but wow girl.The Imma wear super revealing clothes whilst having the "respect my mind" mentality. Like... WTF
Anywho, men sometimes makes me wtf too. Like seriously dude, how do you expect your gf to open up to you about her insecurities or what bothers her, if absolutely nothing is going to happen. This is to a number of people. Your girl is dying down with her relationship with her best friend that so happens to be a dude, in order to make you less worried/jealous. She tries to be considerate towards you, not making a fuss over you talking to your ex or someone you have had history with, yet you push the boundaries and go out of your way to do things. How the fuck is she not meant to be hurt in one way or another? Common
You of all people should know your girl, inside and out. You should know her history as much as she knows yours. From the history or how shes been treated, how shes been broken or hurt, not to mention what she directly tells you, you should be able to understand when shes hurt by things, and when things need to be changed. No girl is going to stay with a new dude if she experiences the same or similar bad shit that she did with an old guy. Shes not going to stay if she cries herself to sleep still. If she does, she hella loves you, its either that or shes been hurt so much that it doesn't even matter anymore. Either way, if you really love her, you would do something about it.
I got into the habit of wishing on 11:11. I’ve been getting
more and more selfish when it comes to wishes. I have always wished, “I wish for name.to be happy no matter what happens
in their life.” It was the same whether I was with Lan or with Denne. But
now, the more time I spend with Denne, the more I begin to wish things like “I wish I can be with Denne forever. I wish I
can make him happy for the rest of our lives.”
The more time we spend together, the more I want to be with
him, the more I fear of what we have falling apart. I’m damaged as fuck and
scared as fuck, however, I still couldn’t stop myself from falling for him and
continue falling even deeper. Although I know the risks, although I’ve already
experienced the pain from such events, I can’t help but want to love him.
This cat is like me when I play around with Denne.. LOL
My boyfriend is HORRIBLE at keep secrets. This is what he wrote while I was asleep today.
"yo, i decided to write this while you ww\ere sleeping cause
yeah.Going to bury it in here
somewhere and youll find it someday or ill tell you cause im mean like that ;p
i love you heaps and im not going to let go of that hand.
Not much to say cause youre vvaking up bye xoxo"
