Sometimes I feel as though emotions are such a useless thing. No matter how good you feel about something in the beginning, its eventually just going to come and punch you in the face over and over again. Sometimes I feel as though I'm a fool. Even though I've felt the shittiest feelings from a relationship before, I'm allowing myself to be exposed to it again. I can't really blame him though can I? He just doesn't know better, nor does he understand how it feels. There's nothing I can really do about it either. Even if I tell him, words alone won't be enough for him to understand. Its like an expecting mother asking her mum how it felt to give birth. She can describe it, she can show it and she can express it, however, the expecting mother can never actually grasp the concept until she actually goes through labor and give life to her child herself. 

Not being able to fully understand is just 1 problem, the other one would be if he actually accepts it. If he actually acknowledge it or not is a whole-nother story. Its hard to acknowledge something you yourself cannot comprehend. Its hard to dictate whether something is rational or not, without the experience yourself. How to solve this problem? The only way is to let him experience it. But nope, cruel as fuck. 

Sooooo... what now? The answer is: "No bloody idea". What am I meant to do now? Do I listen to what she said? Just break it up because its obvious we just can't understand each other on this aspect? What she said hurt, it really fucking hurt. You can't seem to understand how it feels and you casually spend time with her, doing things together with her that I can't do with you, and asking her to go shopping with you behind my back. What am I meant to do? Am I being irrational? Am I not meant to feel this? Am I being irrational when I do whatever I possibly can to fix things whenever you feel insecure or jealous? Should I also ignore how you feel about it and just pretend nothing happened? Should I continue on with my day as though you hadn't felt completely shit about something?

You thought that the way I talked to people was flirtatious. I make the point that I talk to people exactly the same way as I did when we first met (we had no interest in each other what so ever). You still felt shitty so I do whatever I can to change it to the point where both you and I can be happy.

What do you want me to do? Pretend that its not hurting and just cry to myself? Or just try and kill all my emotions as a whole? It doesn't seem like talking to you makes a difference. It either does nothing at all, or it slowly turns into an argument.

I don't even know anymore. I feel so worn out about these things that I'm becoming more sensitive to the little things. Sigh. What to do? I'm lost.