I should introduce Simba someday... but just for today, I'm just going to talk about something I noticed. He is apparently 5 months old. He is a little over 3 kgs and he is definitely not fat... Denne, I think you;re gonna have a pretty large adult cat in a year or a few more months... Bloody hell he is heavy for his age o-o.
My favourite photo of him. He is just so adorable when he is curled up in a little ball like that, GOD. He's quite adorable, but he is currently going through the "kitten crazies" phase and hes driving Denne insane. He is definitely spoilt though
Omg All them feels... Its like a bloody movie. THESE TEARS
I watched the first 10 seconds and I immediately thought, "This video is going to make me cry isnt it..." Yep, it happened, fml. Benji is such a sweetheart, I'm dying. She must have been so, so so so so so so happy. and so blown away. He was so excited about how happy she was that he couldn't sleep after the night happened. How lovable is that. I honestly thought that was so thoughtful of him to do that considering they had just had twins. 1 new born is hard to look after, 2 isn't any better. Its nice to see that he didn't stop putting in effort like most guys would. No wonder they have such a solid relationship.
"I just have one question, how many times did you cry?"
"I think with every note that I read at the venue"
"Really?!"
"Yeah, that's always Benji's goal, to make me cry. I think he thinks that if I don't cry, it's not good enough"
God Damn he sets his standards high O_O Bloody hell. Benji also said something in their vlog they posted a day after the night. It really gave me a lot of food for though.
"A lot of people were commenting, 'you're the best guy, you're the best bf, you're so romantic,' yadi-yadi-yada. It's what I do everyday, that's what's important to me. The once in a while romantic things are great, and obviously Judy is happy. But what I do everyday is gonna ring forever, because that is what will keep her.
He has a really big point. Its about the little extra effort you put in everyday that really matters. Yeah those one off, resource consuming, massive things are amazing, but what is most important is how you treat your significant other everyday. If you think that you're in a more comfortable stage of the relationship and you stop putting effort just because your SO is "yours" , then you may need to re-think your game plan.
It feels as though I've slowly become more and more anti-social, as though I'm retreating back into my shell. I don't really want to associate with people anymore. I'm not sure whether or not its me not wanting to, or me being afraid to. I'm been hurt a lot lately and quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it. Maybe I'm being narcissistic or selfish, I don't know, but who likes being hurt? Its just I'm sick of people being assholes.
I hate it when people use religion, ignorance to be dickheads.
"My religion says that if you're not straight, you're a piece of shit and you're going to hell."
Yay thanx
"I don't know anything about you, but I don't like you. Why? I don't know"
Cough*gofuckyourself*cough
"You won't share your grades with me, you're probably stupid"
I don't like sharing my final grades with people because I don't like the, "I'm better than you" vibe. Whether its coming from me or them. I just don't think its a very nice thing to do.
"You're wearing 'fancier' clothes than me, you're trying to compete with me"
I usually wear what is on top of the pile or whatever I have on hand. I don't bother to "look extra pretty". I just wear what I feel comfortable in.
"You dyed you're hair, you're a rebel gang child and you're trying to get attention"
I dyed my hair as a way to express myself. I don't want attention from it nor do I care for it. I just feel comfortable with my hair like that.
"You're always wearing a pair of beats, you're trying to be cool and look rich"
It's just a pair of bloody headphones... I wear it because I love to listen to music.
"You're trying to get attention from guys because you're always wearing makeup. Always trying so hard"
I wear make-up because I feel comfortable in make up. I have sleeping problems so I always look like the walking dead. All I fucking use is eyeliner to brighten up my complexion ffs.
I've had an ulcer on the gum under my tooth for about 4 days. I just had a look at it today because it started to hurt more. I found out that the two teeth next to the original ulcer tooth each had its own little buddy. So I went to have a look at reasons why your body gives birth to those bloody horrible things. This is what I got.
stress and anxiety - check
hormonal changes - check
considering the fact I've only been on the pill for a few months
5th day of placebo pil
eating certain foods
coffee - A LOT, check
chocolate - check
strawberries - HEAPS, check
peanuts - check
toothpaste additives (sodium lauryl sulphate) - *looks at toothpaste*... check
If you know me, you know I have a bloody horrible sleeping problem. Most of the times, I lay in bed with relaxing sleep music... then BAM! 3 hours later... STILL AWAKE!
I kinda want to try and implement a new schedule to help me get my shit together. Planning to wake up at the same general time everyday. Ideally, I want to get up at 9am. However, chances are I won't be able to do that straight up. I'm going to give myself to 9.45am to wake up. After waking up, brushing my teeth and all that morning doodad, I'm going to do some for of exercise for a minimum of 20 minutes and then complete my morning routine with a shower.
Now, lets see how long I can last.
"I bet you you won't last very long .-."
(Disclaimer: this is not something that Denne said, its just something that I think he's gonna say. Assumption based on past experiences)
I've been feeling really unmotivated lately. Its kinda shitty waking up in the morning. Well, its hard to even wake up tbh. The alarm on my laptop doesn't wake me up anymore. So I end up waking up late. By the time I get up, I missed a lecture or two. Considering that during weeks 1 and 2, I only have 4 days of university with a maximum of 3 lectures a day, I'm left wondering;
"Should I get up and start getting ready?"
An internal battle starts in my head,
"Ah.. but I gotta do my make up ..."
"Nah its ok, I can do it in 15 mins and leave"
"But I can only make it to one lecture... it takes 1h30mins to get there and back.. I'd be on the bus more than I'd be on campus..."
When I was searching for an image, this one really spoke out to me. Doesn't necessarily reflect on the post.
Its been a few days since we resolved the big fight we have been having. Without going into too much detail about the actual fight itself, I guess I'll just post about the resolve.
Many times, both of us honestly wanted to end it. We kept fighting and getting angry towards why the other is acting the way they are, with minimal efforts being invested in finding out the reason why. It was more:
"why the fuck are you doing this,"
Answer
, "what the absolute fuck?"
Rather than being what it should be. I'm no "pro" at relationships. Heck, I find it hard to control my emotions harder than anything else. Anxiety is a crippling bitch in relationships. I cry easily and I am a person who becomes insecure very easily if you push the right buttons. Yes, the only other relationship I was in, I was in for 3 years. HOWEVER, what I exited that relationship with was fears, insecurities, anxiety, uneasiness towards parties and knowing 'the signs'. Not many things that builds well on myself as a person. I'm not meaning to bash on my ex, its just that that relationship ended horribly and I did not take it very well. Some aspects I was left with, I am still trying to learn to overcome today.
Sometimes I find it hard to overcome things when I can't find any sympathy from my SO. I was angry at him for not being able to show any empathy and for not understanding how I felt. He was angry that I was feeling the way I did and he just couldn't understand why I was so angry. It just kept cycling, and each cycle bought upon more anger and spite towards each other. BOOM, months later, we had a series of fights that made both of us contemplate whether or not this person really was for us.
It boiled up to the point where he shouted, "If I'm hurting you so much, then why do you even stay with me?" I felt as though that was where things took a turn for the best.
"Its because I fucking love you. I've really wanted to just leave you because I feel as though I've lost my importance to you. I just want to leave because it feels as though I prioritize you over everything, when I am only just an option to you. But I stay because I FUCKING love you. I don't know why and it drives me insane. But even through all the hardship, I still express my love for you. I don't know what more I can do to show you that you're everything to me. I do everything for you, I cater to you in every way, whether its getting your favourite types of lingerie to spice things up in bed, or fetching you anything you want and feeding you while you play games. I get you whatever you please, whether its a food that you're craving, or a game that you really want. I only make $10 an hour and I only work 1 day on average, yet I still help you with money problems every since you quit your job. I work whole days, just to get you something for your birthday that I know you would really enjoy. I go anywhere with you, even when I'm not that interested. Just like fishing, I just go because I know its something you love to do. I don't mind just playing around for hours until the early hours of the next day, as long as you're happy and enjoying yourself. What more do I have to do for you, so that you can see how much I do for you.
I said it whilst in a sea of tears, and as I finish, I got out of the car and went towards my door. I'm sure that turn gave him food for thought, as he stayed in my driveway with the car lights on until I went inside and locked the door, rather than speeding off. The next day I asked him why he stayed with me, he replied with:
"I honestly wanted to break it off many times too, but once I let the anger subside, I couldn't find it in myself. I guess my reason why be the same, I just really love you too. You've given me a love that I've lacked most my life (too personal to share this part, its not my place to say why on my blog). You make me so happy and I can't forget how much you mean to me."
It seems as though those two speeches we had really made us both calm down and really reflect. We seemed to appreciate what the other has done more and I realized that I was also taking him for granted to a certain degree. Things got down to a point where both of us were able to sit down in bed together and actually talk. We started off just sitting, and slowly drifted towards laying in bed, tightly wrapped in each others' arms. After two days of talking, we agreed on how to deal with things in the future and how to agrees issues as they come up, rather than leaving them and pretending they didn't happen. We were open to the point where we could even talk about his issue and our intake on it. Things were cleared from both of our sides and heavy loads were taken off.
Turns out that we aren't as good at communicating as we used to be. Money problems have been prevalent for the both of us. I'm trying to support myself without must help from mum (shes already done so much for me, I can't find it in myself to depend on her anymore than I already have) and Denne quit his full time job to start going to university and other crazy things (that I shouldn't mention because its his private life). He became more withdrawn and didn't want to go out because of the money problems and he felt bad for needing to come to me for money.
Honestly, I became quite mad. "Are you serious? Denne, are we in a relationship, or is this thing not serious to you. What am I to you?" "You're my girlfriend|" "Yeah, I'm your girlfriend, your significant other. We are in a relationship Denne. We are sharing a life together, traveling the same road. We go through beautiful sunny days together as much as we do on stormy days. Your happiness is mine and my happiness is yours, just as much as your troubles are mine. We go things together and we do not push the other away. We help each other through no matter what it is."
He was quite for a moment and replied,
"Gomen hun, I'll tell you when something is wrong ok?"
And we proceeded to go through things until there was nothing left to say.
The next day or so, we carried on , trying to rid of the after taste in our mouths. We rassled many times over, rolling around on bed, playing around, only to end up in an embrace. As we face each other, I feel my heart race again. We smile, hug, kiss and ....
yeah, it ends here for tonight. Its 2 am already. Don't mind the typos.
Here's a really good classic. There is more of a modern RnB feel to this cover, but its cool.
Al Green - Let's Stay Together (1971)
