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Reaching For Clear Skies.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Effort

Denne and I are reaching our three year mark in a bit over 2 months and I've been reflecting on our relationship. Things have been difficult for a while I will admit, but I can really see that things are different this time along. I know I have thought that things are getting better a few times already, but I  can really see the difference in the effort he is putting in the improve our relationship. I've talked to a male friend to try and get a fresh perspective on Denne's side of the relationship and it was quite eye-opening. Since then, I've been trying to improve the way I communicate with him, especially when addressing things that bother me. Things are quite peachy!

Other than the fact that I'm being flooded with crazy long days at university and a lot of work days to boot, peachy :)



5:57 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Soups = Comfort Food

I have always loved my mum's cooking. She can cook anything from simple but bomb as omelettes to complicated traditional slow cook dishes. The bomb as bitch went from cooking new and fresh food every single fucking afternoon after work to catering and serving a restaurant without a single complaint up to date. She used to come home after 9-10 hours of work and make at least 2-3 dishes (not including rice) for us to enjoy. Now that we have our restaurant business, and especially of late since our customer volume has at least doubled, mum hasn't been cooking at home often. Something I really miss and surely took for granted. Anywho, what I have associated my mum with in regards to cooking is her comfort soups. Whenever I am faced with a stressful event, she never fails to have some soup readily available. Lately I have learnt a really simple soup that I fell in love with when I was young (thanx mum). I have no idea what the hell its called, but I call it "beetroot soup" and mum knows whats up.


All the seasoning you want for this soup is in the ingredients. The richness will come from cooking the ox tail. The longer you cook it for, the richer it will taste and the more tender the meat will be, The sweetness will mostly come from the carrot was you boil it and the main flavor is obviously from the beatroot =Q. Don't bother with the salt and pepper and sugar stuff. Just a pinch of MSG (bot nhoc) and add fish sauce to your taste. If you are like my bf, the mother fucker likes his food to be salty, so there will be about 2 or so teaspoons of fish sauce added to the soup (note: I don't measure with spoons and just squirt from the bottle, so its just a rough estimate).

You will need:
500grams ox tail, 1-2 beetroot, 2 carrots a bit less than 500g potatoes, along with coriander, fish sauce and bot nhoc to taste

Method:
1. When choosing your oxtail, try to find smaller pieces with less fat. If you have no luck with the fat, simply cut it off while you are washing and prepping the meat to cook. Chuck the oxtail into a pot and fill with water until the water is 4 cms above the meat. Turn the stove on high and wait for the water to boil before turning the flame down so the water doesn't boil over and out of the pot. 
2. Wash and peel the carrot and potatoes and cut it into 2cm cubes (you can also cut large chunks, but Denne likes his to be smaller). While peeling the beetroot, it is best to do it under the tap with a small stream of running water. This will make peeling easier and reduce staining. Cube the beetroot the same way as the carrot and potatoes and put aside on a separate container. Make sure to quickly wash out the chopping board as the beetroot juices may stain it. 
3. Let the water boil for at least an hour and periodically check for fat and stuff collecting at the top of the boiling soup. Scoop the fat and stuff out every 10 or so minutes, this is very important. If you are cooking the meet for an extended period of time, make sure that you add more water when the soup reduces.
Note: Do not add vegetables until all the fat stuff is gone from the soup! 
4. Add beetroot into the soup 15 or so minutes before you add carrots and potatoes, as beetroot takes much longer to soften than the rest. Remember, that the amount of time you need to allow the beetroot to cook is dependent on their size. Add the carrots into the soup, wait about 5 minutes to add the potatoes. If the soup does not cover all the vegetables, add water until it just covers everything, then let it cook for another 15 minutes or until the potatoes are soft. 
5. Add a pinch of MSG and drizzle fish sauce to your taste.
6. Serve and top with coriander.

The most simple bloody soup to master. Its bloody delicious too =Q
4:33 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Anxiety

Lately, I been feeling as though I should really go see a doctor for this. I know I have always been a person that gets scared, stressed or anxious about things here and there, but I dont know how it has gotten to the point it was today. I don't even know if it really has been like this all along, but I've just been really good at hiding it until of recent. 
I hate university atm. Mainly because I don't know what I'm doing, why I'm doing that I currently am. I cant concentrate on work unless I have a random outburst of productivity, and that is not enough so sustain me through class efficiently. I can see that I do the assessments, essays and reports very easily, however keep up to date and actually being able to do well on exams is another story. I just fucking hate it and I don't know why. All of this makes me anxious.  Then I start feel hopeless and scare, thinking that I don't have the ability to do anything right and make anyone happy, whether it be me or my parents. When try and do what I want to do, I get scared that I'll fuck up and be a failure. When I try and do what my parents want me to do, I get anxious that its leading me nowhere and I end up avoiding everything and my end results suffers even though I do really well on the no exam assessment aspects. This makes me absolutely hate myself because I know I'm not doing the best to my abilities. My reports and essays proves that I can do it, but I just can't find the motivation to because I'm too fucking anxious about it and try so hard to avoid it. I feel as though I'm failing myself and I know that I'm failing myself and everyone who cares about me. I'm failing my parents, my grandparents and my partner. I'm scared that if I stay on this path, all I'm doing right now is wasting money because I have no idea what I'm doing and where I'm going. I can't afford to spend a few semesters trying to find out what I want to do. But at the same time, if I take a break, I would make my family worry. This puts my in a situation where I feel completely hopeless and countered. I have no idea what to do and feel like I'm a shitty excuse for a human and a waste of space, time and money. Somewhere in this thought process, I have already started to put my head to my knees, hug my legs and start to cry. My chest tightens as if someone is holding me and squeezing me, like a tonne of bricks stacked on top of my chest. My heart starts to race so hard I can feel pulse my pulse in my head and hear beat by beat in my ears. Sometimes I feel as though all the energy I have is sucked out of me, and no matte how much rest or sleep I get, its never enough. I get so lost in my anxiety that I feel light headed and my vision becomes out of focus. Sometimes when I'm lucky, its only short. I snap myself out of it by trying to forget about it and avoid it. If not, I get stuck in this cycle and long chain of anxious thoughts that don't stop for an hour or two at times. In the end everything becomes a blur. I forget what it was that first started to make me anxious but I continue to feel anxious. It's almost like I start to feel anxious because I don't know why I'm feeling anxious and that I need to know what it was that made me anxious to stop be from feeling anxious, This makes me feel so embarrassed. I feel pathetic and fear people will see me differently, so I hide it and try my best to never show it. I hate myself for thinking like this and I don't discuss it with people. People give me solutions like, "just don't worry, there's no point in worrying," which makes me feel as though I'm even more pathetic because I just can't. Thats all I've been trying to do, its to not worry and go on with my life without being petrified at every corner. I don't want to be anxious every time anything happens, because it sucks. I get anxious that my parents are mad at me, so I avoid them in general. And when they get mad at me for avoiding them and not being at home, I avoid interactions with them even more so I don't have to deal with them being mad at me for avoiding them for being mad at me. I get anxious to talk to people because I'm scared they are going to fuck me up like me old friends did. I'm scared of being lied to. Of being told that if anything is wrong, they would tell me, only to just have them turn around and bitch about me rather than actually saying something to me. I was so scarred by them that most of my interactions with other people nowadays are just based on my fears of what is going to happen. Sometimes I'm so nervous that it becomes hard to speak or reply. My thoughts are everywhere and its so hard to "deal with it" and "calm down." I hate this constant feeling of fear and anxiety. What I hate even more is telling people about it because I know I will be judged. 
6:00 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Monday, August 17, 2015

#BirdTamer

When people call themselves models after a few photo shoots... mate, that must mean I'm a bird tamer/whisperer because I have a few birds. That logic is too strong.
#birdwhisperer #birdtamerlife #beastmaster #exoticaamf
5:25 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Friday, July 31, 2015

Ahri le cockatiel

I turns out that Ahri might actually be a boy T_T
YAY BIRDIE PUBERTY!!!! (not really)
She is starting her first molt. It is still going to take another month or two before she actually drops all her baby feathers for new big birdie feathers. The 4 or so tail feathers that have grown out are all solid grey ._. The baby feathers were barred so it is a pretty distinct difference. Ahri has also been REALLY attached to me. In the morning, Ahri wants to come out and play and just be ON me on way or another. I accidentally swung the cage door open when I took the night cover off her cage and didn't realise it happened before going back to sleep again. She ended up flopping to the ground, climbing my computer tower and then slowly making her way up my mattress just to plopping onto my face and chill. When I brush my teeth together with Ahri in the morning, shes always whistling. Shes whistling A CRAP TONNE! Shes copied quite a few sounds here and there. Her favourite sounds are a sucking sound, kissing sound and my samsung notification sound. Its a lot better than her screaming... SAhe whistles a lot more when Denne is around... Oh yeah, theres the beak banging and wing stretching.  Distinct courtship behaviour... fuck me ._.
4:52 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Restaurant Rant #1

Look after your mother fucking children. Yes, I understand that it is hard to make your child stop having a temper tantrum, stop them screaming or stop them from acting how. HOWEVER, when your child is running around opening every fridge door in the restaurant, running up and down the walk ways, throwing food left and right, ITS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT TO TEACH THEM NOT TO ACT LIKE A LITTLE SHIT! I can't even stop to count the amount of times a parent was on their phone, facebooking away whilst they have a big bowl within arms reach. Guess what happens? Oh my, the baby whacked it over. The amount of times where parents would let and infant eat by itself, and allow the infant to throw food within a one fucking metre radius. I understand if you do that at home, great, you can clean it up yourself. But what makes people think that it is ok for other to clean up the mess that you allow your child to make. It is our job to bring you food, but it doesn't mean you  make it hard on us. Be thoughtful, if you wouldn't like to clean up after some lazy asshole's disgusting child, then we wouldn't too, whether it is a part of our job or not. It's like you wouldn't shit and smear your shit all over the walls and seats of the public toilet, thinking, "oh, its the janitor's job to clean it," like an asshole.

Control your children and don't be an inconsiderate ass. 

Ps. when parents later say, "sorry about the mess guys," when there is go food all over the floor under their table, around their table, and a bit under the neighbouring tables...
*trying to smile* "its ok. thank you so much, have a nice day"

7:26 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Denne and Make Up

I use make up every time I step foot outside. Well, a tiny bit less lately, but still pretty much everyday. My usual routine is just eyeliner and... does lip balm count? The winter is messing up my lips real bad. Anywho, I decided to ask Denne some make up questions to see how much my boyfriend knows about make up.

What do you use foundation for?
Denne: "Your face... "
Me: "Yeah, but what specifically"
Denne: "to put other make up on top of your face"

What is a primer?: 
Denne: "You put that on top of the foundation ... uh, to enhance... to make your skin lighter"

What do you use a toner for?: 
Denne: "Make it more brown!"

Where is your crease?:
Denne: "uhhhhh *laughs* WHAT? ..... uhhhh my forehead" 

What is a beauty blender used for? 
Denne: "uhhh i guess to smooth out theee... the fucking blusher of whatever"

What is a bronzer?
Denne: "makes your skin browner"

Me: "Kinda, yess and kinda no, Its for contouring your face, or just can just use it to make your face look more tanned"

What do you used to make your eyelashes curly?
Denne: "eye lash curler?"


Do you know the difference between a lip gloss and lip balm?:
Denne: "uuhh, I guess one is for your dry lips and one for your shiny lips"

I had the biggest laugh tonight, it was hilarious.
6:55 AM Posted by LienhhlovessyhuuXx 0