Reaching for Clear Skies

I guess mum was right. I should start loving myself more. I should respect myself more and have a stronger backbone. I shouldn't be so easy with things and I should ever give someone too much of me because then I'd expect them to treat me the same and show a degree of appreciation. I am pretty stupid aren't I. I really should start making more plans for myself rather than trying to reserve my time for someone else and I should stop putting my needs after someone else's. I need to stop making this person the utmost biggest priority in my life, since I've been shown, many times over, that it is not something that they will always do like I do. Putting my exams after that person ... I really am stupid.

These holidays are definitely going to be period of self discovery (yay)

I'm especially looking forward to spending more time with mumzies and porky. They are increasing become more and more involved in my life and in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Oh, I forgot the mention that I've gotten a bit closer to Peter again. It's really nice =). Probably might go clubbing with him sometime this holiday.

Current plans for post-examination activities\

• Meet up with Sam on the first day release of pokemon generation 3 remakes
• Go play pool with Peter (H) from university
• Go pool and play table soccer thingo with Porky, Peter (L) and Uncle Wee
• Go beats club with the fabulous Michael
• Also want to go chill with Auntie Thi, Tracey and the Exchange student 
• Exercise and diet to get my 41kg body back for summer
• Work and take over for Daddy so he can have more rest days. The dude has been working real hard for a while now. He deserves to go chill more =). I want to work at least 3 days on the holidays
• Spend more family time!
• Volunteer for shelters and animal clinics
• CHRISTMAS PREPARATIONS! Its is going to be an amazing christmas =) I'm going to post more of the christmas plans when I have time. I'm really excited. 

Life has been shipping me a constant supply for lemons. I feel as though there are a few dozen crates at the moment. I feel the need to go catch with porky again. Recently, I've decided that I hated science. Not in that way, I love science and science has continued to make my life colourful, however, I feel as though I don't have the capacity to find a position within the research field. I have so much respect for those who are on the front line. Discoveries are made daily, and my mind is blown daily. However, I don't feel as though I can go through university as a bio-medical/research scientist and keep my sanity. I want a practical job, where I can be around the things I love. I want a job where my brain juices don't evaporate. 

It was really hard for me to decide, considering that I really didn't have a clue in regards to what I am passionate about. After spending some time fishing, and having to to myself to think, I now know that working with animals and caring for animals is something that I definitely want to do. I always talk to Denne about fostering various types of animals when I get my own home. I always talk about dogs, cats, bats, otters, ANIMALSS!!! Denne really things that this is something I should pursue. I really wanted it too, however.... LEEEEMMMOOOONNNNSSS!!

The lowest qualification you can get is through TAFE, certificate III or IV in veterinary nursing. That is usual way to get there. I really don't want to only have a TAFE qualification. I want to do something and achieve something relatively high in my life. At least a bachelor degree of some sort. However, the only thing I can really find at the moment is at the University of Queensland in Gatton. Gatton, aka, 1 hours drive away. With that in mind, I wanted to have a massive search for courses after finishing exams. I planned to do that, along with getting work experience under my belt with volunteering at shelters and looking for work experience at clinics. 

I thought I had it all planned out for a few weeks. Then I found out that the job has really bad pay. Maximum being $25 for senior/experienced nurses. Average weekly pay is under $800 and yearly wage usually is $35-$45K. The money isn't really a problem, that is until I think about it as a career and a way of living. My goal is to be able to make enough money to live comfortably, be able to give my children a comfortable life and to be able to give to the poor. I don't think its possible to do that with such a pay. I don't want to use 3-4 years of my life and a piss-tone of money, just to make around $20 (give or take) an hour...

Lots of bloody lemons atm, making those into lemonade is going to be a bitch, I don't even know where to start. Can I somehow sell these lemons .-.   ~sigh

Manta Rays.... Holly fucking shit. This guy blows my mind.

Manta, a genus within the elasmobranchii subclass that is shared with cartilaginous fish such as sharks and sting rays. Manta rays are one of the larges animal within the subclass, alongside the gigantic whale sharks and the derpy looking basking shark. The largest measured manta ray is a Griant Oceanic Manta Ray (Manta birostris) that was 9 meters long. THATS A THREE FLOOR HOUSE!!. Imagine swimming next to that thing. They average around over a tonne! They have the largest brain to body weight ratio of any species of fish that we know today. 

Though they are in the same order as sting rays, they have NO STING! They are essentially harmless. Manta rays, despite their gigantic size, they mainly feed on plankton. They spend hours feeding to consume around 30 kgs of food a day. 

 Manta Rays are awesome ><

I'm so angry at the moment that my hands wont stop shaking. I'm so angry that I always hear the same thing. I always hear, "I'm sorry" for things that happen over and over again. You keep saying sorry .... just to hurt me in the exact same way... how do you expect me to be patient and wait for you?... 

As I lay in my bed, having problem sleeping (yet again), whilst having shitty premenstrual syndrome symptoms, I decided to look back on the blogs that we both wrote when we first met each other. Side note: I haven't had a period in a while since I can decide when to take a break from my birth control pills. Obviously I would choose to have a longer period of no bleeding from my lady bits. But with that, I'm not used to the symptoms anymore. The symptoms are definitely not as bad as they usually are when I was off the pill, however, definitely not used to it yet. Switching pills have made me feel kinda groggy (yay).

Anywho, reading through the blogs really gave me the tingles. You know that feel you get when you're all giddy, butterfly in tummy tingly and just asjdghakldfjghladjkfgh.... yeah that feeling. These are probably the things that really killed me. 

"Kitties are hard to figure out,
Are you doing well?"

"Meow. I'm lost, help me?"

"Pretty Keen" 

(For dates)

"Zero is gone for good only Leo is left :3
Let me show you that Kitty"

"Guys be looking at her left n right, don't touch unless you want to feel my fangs"

"Been crashing gfs house after work from time to time, feels different in a sense because she'd be like how was your day and i be like how was hers and what not."

"Light as a feather"

"I'm a machine"

"Work so crappy lately, lifting sheets of metal day after day pushing for the weekend so i can see my kittyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ARUGH"

"Love is one hell of a drug, shit is super addicting but its funny cause I remember one day I was told to not give a fuck about it, then nek week, I find a chick I click so well with, the odds huh"

"Post 158"

"I feel so loved ns hit its awesome. Got a hand made teddy from my girlfriend :) When I first saw it, I thought it was bought from a shop. Like shit... this is one hell of a present haha, really really happy :) :)"

"You are mind and I am yours.

Don't forget that"

"A super cute girlfriend who is super awesome/amazing"

"Breaking down the walls and taking the mask off"

"Her sleeping in my arms so quickly just makes me go nuts. 

I always thought they were uncomfortable as fuck but when she says 'its the perfect groove for me' I just go wow...."

"Feels amazing when she's by my side, I throw all my worries out the window every single time I see that smile and face. Hell, even if I were to describe how much I loved her or how much she meant to me, I couldn't. I've tried over and over again to think of something but all that comes out is I really x10000 love you and you don't even know how much you mean to me"

Hoenstly... all of Post 163 .-.

"All I had to get me through the day was looking forward to seeing my girlfriend at night"

"did you know I was a magician?"

"Mine mine mine mine"

"Other times you would think that you aren't catering to me properly and what not but honestly, you don't need to at all. The things you do for me right now just makes em the happiest guy in the whole entire world. Just seeing you and hugging you makes me feel all fuzzy and warm."

"Honestly, spending time with her is the best, the more we bond the more we want to stay by each others side, shit is cray.|

Post: Line up

Especially: "From then on out, I felt a small spark"

Post: Believe in the heart of the cards

Especially: "I knew what I wanted and that was her"

"I have been writing about her a lot these days but honestly that's what I care about the most and I'm positive that isn't going to change anytime soon"

Thats not all, but it is getting later, so I'll end the post here. I treasure you more than anything, and I think I've shown you that I would go through thick and thin for you. I hope you understand that I love you dearly and that I love you with all my heart, Lets work together towards and happier, brighter and more fun filled future together ^~^

(this post has gotten me so damn emotional)

Honestly, weight gain isn't too bad... I like it that my boobs have grown! I can't cup my boobs no matter how much i squeeze the living shit out them. No matter what angle, no matter what approach, no possible way. I cant cover my boob with both hands no matter how hard I squeese it either =D That's bloody awesome! My butt has also grown. The jiggle game is real bro. Denne has developed this thing for tapping my butt... over... and over... and over... and over again. Whenever he is in the mood, he taps my ass to the beat of a song and screams the lyrics. 

When I finish university (in around a month), the toning and making money is top fucking priority. Sexy summer body, here I come. I want a nice pair of thighs and a tight, jiggley gluteus maximus!

I have to say, that was one birthday that was spent in a bloody awesome way. I spent the morning playing Sims 4 that Denne got for me. After he finished his university things at around 12/1pm, he dropped by my placed and we played simple two-played games on my little brother's tablet. It was one of the best quality time session we have had in a long time. I laughed so hard that my stomach was about to develop bang spanking sexy abs. I was incredibly happy, super super happy. Afterwards, I went back to my Sims game while Denne had a nap. Simba wakes him up way too freaken early in the morning lol.

I created a character for myself and Denne. We ended up getting pregnant... and our first kids were a pair of twin girls... TWINS. The next one was also a girl, but then we got old LOL. Its creepy how much Denne's character mimics him in real life, Denne found it hilarious obviously. 

Around noon, mum got home with little Quangy. Mum and I both started to wash the dishes together and as Grandma and Grandpa come over. They Lixi me $100... that was crazy. It wasn't the money that made my day, it was the fact that my grandparents seemed to have approved of Denne. They were talking about us study so that we can have an easy future together, and that they would help with the money when it comes to our wedding. My heart skipped a beat thinking about it lol. After talk with grandparents, we (mummy, Quany, Denne and I) went shopping at Indooroopilly for a present. 

Black and leather and sexy =)

Denne got to drive mum's car. He thought it was a really nice and smooth ride. Glad he enjoyed it. After dropping home, we switched to Denne's car, and he drove me over to Peter's house. Peter and I went to Sunnybank to have ramen. I got to enjoy a nice slow, freeeeee ramen  and it was the BEST. Soup was so rich I was melting. We talked a crap tone and I thought it was really nice. We haven't talked in person like that for a long long time, and it made me even more happy. 

ALSO! Porky and Aunty Thi also gave me $100 ... I feel so spoiled... I gotta visit them soon to say thank you.  

Spend much needed quality time with BF - check

Spend time with BF, Mum and little brother - check

Grandparents talking about future wedding - check

Reconnect with Cousin I haven;t really talked to properly in years - check 

Grandparents, Uncle and Aunty spoiling me - check 

Awesome new present - check 

Had a lot of fun during the day and with the present - Check check and check =)

An amazing day.

I know it wasn't the typical 18th birthday party, where you drinking  until you don't even understand your own bowel movements and then go clubbing afterwards. however, I couldn't have asked for anything better than this =)