Within the last 2 or so weeks, I've been hit my this feeling that I don't quite know how to explain. Sometimes I have random bouts of intense negativity (yes, I'm avoiding the word depression). I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping as my mind won't stop wondering around. I'm starting to rely more on having sounds in the back ground. I will turn something on to 'watch', with complete disregard for what it is. I just want something else to drown out the voices in my head, telling me everything that I don't want to hear. 

I've been feeling bouts of loneliness, as though no one truly understands me, and as though no one really cares to. My anxiety tells me that I'm never good enough, because its me who is always needing to change and 'be better' while everyone else is ok to be them.

I've been feeling bouts of self doubt. Am I really on the road to success, when friends I went to school with are moving on with their life, while I'm still stuck halfway through university? They finished university, some even going out into the world with a new job, that they earned with their new degree. Yet I'm here, at home, unable to get myself to progress through studies because of my crippling fear of failure, because of my GAD. I believe I have the potential to do very well at university, but it feels like I'm letting myself down... just by being me.

I've been feeling frequent bouts of low self-esteem, especially in regards to body image. Don't even get me started about this one. It would take a long time to even scratch the surface. I noticed that I have been eating much less these days, though it isn't something I do consciously. I have days where I eat a small rice bowl sized meal after midday, and a normal meal later at night. The heat doesn't help either. I drink much more water, but it often leads to bloating and further body image issues. 

Ive been waking up past midday, unless I have work that day. I fill the void with whatever is putting me down that particular day. If I'm feeling lonely, I indulge in romance manga. If I'm feeling a lack of mental stimulation, I go ready random articles or ready guides of how to play Dota heros. I study particular heros more than I've studied at home for uni all semester.

A few days after these feelings manifested, I started my period. Naturally, I assumed it was the hormones. 2 weeks later, I think it's safe to say that it isnt. On the outside, people think I'm just being dramatic, but deep down, there isn't anything that is more real than these feelings. 

I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. It's 3am. Its a cluster fucl of thoughts on one page.