Lol. I don't have a title for once. Honestly just felt like getting some things off my chest before I start to study again. Today is the 1st of November. Exam blocks have started and technically the last day of school has pasted. Its also been nearly a week since Hiro had died. I know people think I'm retarded that I'm still so down about Hiro's death, since hes "Just a Cat" and all. Today I checked my boyfriends blogspot to see if he has posted anything new. Its obvious that he probably didn't post anything since hes busy with work and me, however I just wanted to make sure. The first post on his wall was a post about his side of the story when it comes to how he dealt with Hiro's death. I found myself tearing up again and I started crying. I miss the little guy so much that its insane. I was so attached to Hiro, I am to Denne. I know theres nothing I can do about it now, but I can't help but blame myself for letting him die like that.
Yesterday was the last day of school (ie. School day with actual lessons). Some people were crying, but it was more of a celebration then it was a "I'm sad that I might never see you again". I didn't cry during the morning tea, and the first half of lunch since I wasn't so attached to Corinda, however the second that Anne got back from Crew practices... god damn. I saw her crying and hugging Michael, so I walked a few steps to comfort her. Then she saw me... this is where the water works start. She immediately jumped to me, hugging me and crying a tad bit more. Fuck, there it goes, and the crying starts with me. By then, Maria had already cried, then it was Anne, Me .-. It hit me even harder when Anne said, "you and Michael are actually the only people in grade 12 that I will really miss and sad about leave." We had group hugs, but by the time we semi-stopped crying, and turned around, Jennifer was balling her eyes out... and here it goes again, WATER WORKS STARTED UP... Lol. A lot of my guy friends were then like, "OOOOOOOOOHHHHH, LIEEEN IS CRYING", and hugged me so damn tight. Rowie, Sean, Packer, Damien hugged me for a while, comforting me. They never expected me to cry at all.
But well, that day was over and now exam blocks begin. Time to put my face into my desk and study my ass off so that I can do whatever the fuck I want after I FINISH ASDGHASLHGALSJDGH.
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Sunday, October 27, 2013
I Still Miss Him
I may seem fine about Hiro's death, but honestly when I think about him, I just start to cry. Although I may not know the feeling, but Hiro was like my baby, and this loss was like losing my baby. Its the same with Denne too. Denne read my blog about Hiro, and he started to tear up. I've never seen him cry or tear up about anything other than when nearly broke up after the first week together due to our personalities clashing. I've seen Denne tear up at least 3 times over the past 2 days. I have a feeling there were more. Many times his eyes got watery, but not enough for tears to fall. It seems as though Denne is holding back, trying not to cry. He tries everything possible to not mention or have anything to do with it, so that I don't start to cry. Hiro must have meant so much to him, and I can see that he regrets not playing with Hiro as much during the last month he was alive. There were so many times where I was just like, "Hiro... please come back, don't leave us like that."
I know people will be saying, "dude its just a cat, get over it" or "life doesn't stop for anyone." I know there will be insensitive people out there that just think "Get over it sheesh", but I don't give a flying fuck. Hiro meant so much to me. Just sitting there on the porch, with him laying on his back in my arms and lap, whilst I sat in between Dennes legs. The days where we spent time as a family, playing, cuddling, snuggling and rubbing. I honestly never felt so happy with something so simple. The highlights of my relationship with Denne consist of memories with him and Hiro. Our little baby was the symbol of the beginning of our relationship. He was only 9 months old... he was still only a kitten, yet...
Hiro, baby... I'm so sorry I let that happen to you. I'm so sorry that you died in such a horrible way. To think of how much pain you felt before you died. I'm so sorry I couldn't take care of you. I'm so sorry Hiro. I wish I could have given you a better life. I'm so sorry. I love you so much.
Hiro
13th June 2013 - 26th October 2013
Haha look at those adorable little paws. I love it when he lay in my lap like that for a back rub or a full body rub. I love how he purs so easily, and meows when he wants food. How he gives you the, "I'll love you and make you OD from my cuteness," face when he wants something. I've never met a cat that is so mellow. So much like Denne in so many ways. So retarded, derpy and mellow. Is cool with almost anything. Doesn't claw your face and cut it you into a million pieces when you pick him up. Never bit or scratched me (after the first day). Is so calm and ok when being picked up by simon. Being ok with me putting him on his back and scratching his stomach.
I'll miss the times where he was on his back and I was holding him like usual (like a baby on my lap). With one side of his face on my boob and the other on my arm, he would put his paw gently on my face and slightly move it up and down as i scratched his favourite places. He would give me such a cute ^~^ expression that I just dfjghsdjfghskjdfgh over. And the second I stop he looks at me and pets my face saying that he wants more... fuck I miss you Hiro... I've been crying for at least a hour lol. How long has it been since I've done that.
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