The Emo Corner Once Again

lly fucked me up again lol. I found myself in the emo corner once again. I haven't been here for a while but it feels so fe wrong, its not just because of school. Home life + family problems too lol. I'm so tired of everything and I fell so numb that its eating me up from the inside. Everyday at school I subconsciously put up a fake smile, trying to convince mytrulyf that everything is ok. I basically lost the will to do anything with myself. All I want is for esame time as alwaysrything to stop. But as everyone says, the world is cruel. The world doesn't stop for anybody. I've found that I'm slowly losing interest in pretty much everything I do, and I just feel like a shell lol. I've been having horrible sleeping problems. Takes me a good 2-3 hours (minimum) for me to fall asleep, but by then its 3 in the morning and I have to wake up to go to school at 7.30. My anxiety has come back. Although it is nowhere near what it was like at its worst, its still pretty bad. Everything either doesn't matter for shit, or puts me into a massive panic attack.

I remember back in early high school years, where I wrote a lot about feeling like a cage bird. Without freedom to be who I want and who I am. But now that I'm giving a whole massive enclosure to fly in, I can't seem to move. It's like after everything has happened, my wings lost its ability to lift me off the ground. I honestly think that I need to be alone. To deal with my problems on my own and not drag anyone down with me or disadvantage them in anyway.

Even though I say that, dealing with things on my own usually results in the slight absence of feelings manifesting into somethjng more dire. I have a habit of always trying to covince myself that everything is completely fine. I often don't want to face reality and rather run. I know people can vview me as a coward. Especially when I have these scars on my wrist. But no one will truly understand until they experience these emotions.