Like the post from a few days ago, I really do think that unconditional love is the key to long lasting relationships. Independence, self-esteem, trust, and balance are also something that I treasure. However, I find it exceedingly difficult to find a balance without having to ask for things in return. Maybe it's because I care too much about it whilst it really isn't an issue for my boyfriend, but it never seems to be resolved. Even when talking it out, he also cannot come up with a resolution. 

To find balance, (unless the two people are completely in sync, which they mostly aren't), you need to have some wiggle room. Some space to have adjustments and to actively contribute. However, it doesn't work this way unless both parties are consciously putting in the thought to do so. It's not even about putting effort into it, its whether or not the need to wiggle is even noticed.

Then if one person is on a 7/10 in regards to attentiveness towards balance and the other isn't really phased by it and is at a 3/10, then it gets iffy. Again, it isn't that 3/10 means they don't give a shit, its just something they don't think is important. The one that is at the 7/10 doesn't end up feeling satisfied with the balance (balance can be in all regards of the relationship, not just whether or not needs are being met). The 3/10 can be left feeling overwhelmed by the demands of the other party and may in turn disengage from the relationship. So what can be done in such a situation? If a simple talk about the awareness could solve something like this, relationships would obviously be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, it isn't. Some people might just not give a shit, that situation, just gtfo before it gets worse. But most situations, that is just how they are by nature. Nothing in general really phases them. So....

"But is love enough to build a lasting relationship? And does unconditional love mean that no matter what your partner does, your feelings don't change?

The answer is no to both"

Just because you love the person, doesn't mean you'll stay together. If you cannot work something like this out, then you would either break up, or stay in a tug-o-war of a relationship. Either way, no-no's. 

"Unconditional love within the context of a relationship is a dance in which both partners participate."

"But... unconditional love within the context of lasting relationship requires lots of wiggle room. As part of self-love, you know your own personal boundaries and the limits of what you find to be acceptable and healthy behaviours and relations from your beloved.

It is your job in the relationship to 'use your influence in a caring and disciplined manner to create a balanced exchange with your partner. Such skills are not exercised to control or manipulate for selfish gain, but rather to maintain a mutually beneficial and satisfying partnership.

When both partners are aware of their personal boundaries, and are committed to communicating them in loving and non-threatening ways, then the relationship can continue to re calibrate and grow ever stronger over the years. With the ability to communicate openly, negotiate willingly, and compromise and make adjustments, you can build a strong relationship in which unconditional love develops and grows more satisfying over time."

To my understanding, there is a very fine line between that and plain old demanding and expecting. Simple, little actions that may not seem important can completely change the outcome. The article I got this quote from, really hows what can happen when we over-analyze past relationships to try and dig out 'mistakes' that we can possible 'fix' in the new relationship. This can just make us fall right back into the pattern of seeking someone to provide for your needs. 

Although over-analyzing things is within my nature, something that I probably can not completely get rid of no matter how hard I try, I need to make the thoughts of less importance and urgency. All I should really ask for is for him to actively try and work at it with me as we go on this journey together, whilst I try my best and be the best partner I can be for him. I have been improving myself and trying to become a better me, but I obviously still need some more soul searching. 

Maybe I might be a bit more selfish and ask him to be a bit more patient with me as I work on myself whilst I offer the same to him. Although our journey to discovering yourselves are not the same, hopefully I'll be able to be there to give you some support along the way as you are offering me. 

Ahhhhh. It's 1.20 and my train of though completely derailed. In the beginning, it was muddle of confused and puzzled thoughts, not knowing what to do. Not knowing what was right or wrong and not knowing which path would be best. However, in the end, my thoughts just took me to, "God I love him. He really does a lot for me." Maybe, I'm just trying too hard to try and figure out the solution to something that is as complicated as this. Maybe it would be better just to take it slow. Take some quality time together and talk it out, taking as many times as needed. Well, maybe we could do so tomorrow. Who knows.

No matter how exhausted I feel, just thinking of you and how much you mean to me makes me want to stand back up and keep going.