Within the last half a year, my family has slowly integrated Denne into the family. He was seem more as a "friend" for the first 2-3 years of our relationship, because when you think about it, 2-3 years is quite a short amount of time to be together. Unless the two parties are very different, there is not much conflicts and you have yet to learn absolutely everything about them before the 2 year mark. My insecurities and my GAD has not been completely out in the open with Denne until about a year ago. 

My family is quite traditional. I was raised traditionally, hence I differ from most first generation Vietnamese-Australian in quite a few ways (in no way am I saying I am unique shnow flake, this is the differences I've seen from interaction with other first generation Vietnamese-Australians). Most can barely speak Vietnamese, because they were not forced to only speech Vietnamese at home. My Vietnamese has also improved because I have been interaction with Vietnamese people at work about 3-4 days a week (yay exposure). Some of my views and morals are more "modern", but there are still very traditional values that I cannot shake. For example, I am not a fan of gender roles. I don't like how what you have in between your legs suddenly determining who you are, what you are and what you can and cannot do. BUT... big but.

Since I can remember, I was expected to help out at home, whether that be upkeep or cooking. I was taught or told to do whatever I could. It started with rinsing dishes, to soaping up the dishes, to wiping down shelves, sweeping the house, cleaning rooms, picking fresh produce, picking vegetables and herbs from stems. When I got a bit older, I graduated to cleaning the toilet, then to using knives and doing prep work for food, then to helping keeping an eye on the stove and mixing shit. As a child, I thought it was child labor, though now, I quite appreciate it. Now I am able to cook without much of an issue. I always thought it was normal, but after dating Denne and having more of an "adult" life where I cook more often, I can see that it isn't. It surprised me how Denne had no idea how to pick any fresh produce. It blew my mind how he couldn't tell when something is so old that it is in the process of wilting. What blew my mind the most was that he would eat something, not even knowing the damn thing is off. It was hilarious how he would always come to me and shove something in my face, asking me to smell it to see if it was off or not. 

I naturally reverted back to my more traditional side after dating Denne. It's not because of him in particular, its more because of the relationship itself. Before dating Denne, I was rebellious and did crazy shit, purely because I was hurt and wanted to drawn myself in something. But as I started to date Denne, I slowly started to reduce my drinking to the point where I rarely drink. I just felt as though it was no longer necessary in my life. I slowly began to cook more. Then slowly the traditional values come back full fledged. 

Anywho, what I was meant to be talking about, as Denne gets more involved with my family, he has to become more accustomed to our culture. I know that it is difficult for him, I don't expect him to uphold some things all the time, nor do I expect him to do things to the extent that I do, but I hope for him to be able to assimilate into my family well. So far he has been doing well with greeting my relatives and tables manners etc, but he seems so struggle a lot with other things I ask of him. A lot of things may seem strict, but I feel as though it is just a balancing act, where both sides need to find a compromise. A lot of things may seem "too much" or "too illogical" to him. But the way Grandma has raised us all is quite basic. 

Don't just live life for yourself. Live for others, especially your family and the people that your treasure

I don't spend the time and effort cooking because I think it's fun af. Especially during the summer time, it is hell in the kitchen. I do it because I love you. I do it because I want you to be able to enjoy food that is especially tailored to  how you like to eat. I want to make sure that I am able to look after you, that I have the ability to provide you with absolutely any food you want, without having to spend money at a restaurant. I want to provide a warm home for you to come home to everyday, with bomb as food to eat. 

Because I want to make your life better.

I care about you, I want to be able to make your day better, if not, your life better. And that is why I am able to happily and willingly go out of my way to do things. During family gatherings/dinners, no matter what, I am helping with whatever prep there is left. As everyone is eating, I am always getting up and down, tending to anyone who wants/needs something.  Afterwards, I help with the clean up. Denne once asked me, "honey just eat, why are you always getting up to do things? they can do it themselves."

It's because I love these people and these people mean the world to me. Hence why I want them to be comfortable and hence why I am happy and content to see that they are comfortable. 

After coming into my family more, Denne seems to have become much more mindful of things. He seems to be much more aware of the things I do for him and has began to do things for me without me asking anything of him. He has definitely discovered how to show compassion towards others and practice empathy. He is trying really hard for me to learn my culture, but I think I am not the only one that has noticed the change it has made to his life. He has achieved so much within half a year, even Hoc has noticed.

(Without realising, he has already started practicing the basics of Buddhism ahaha.)