Honestly, my heart melted today when Denne was having a random sulk moment. He crawled onto bed from his computer, rested his head on my lap, curled up and snuggled. After a while he said that he wanted me to stay. Being the retard I am, I thought he meant "stay together", so I replied, "Of course, I'm gonna stay you tard," and kissed him. 

"I mean, stay the night with me. I really want us to live together"

My heart bloody skipped a beat .-. It felt as though it was gonna drop out of my chest and plop onto his face (lol that went a bit far didn't it). I honestly felt so happy then. I always thought I was the only one that really wanted things like that (probably because I'm too scared to get ahead of myself, thinking that he wants it too). Moments like this makes me really want to try even harder for him. To work through my problems and the differences that we have as a couple. 

"Hunny... did you know otters are cute?"

"Go to sleep hun, you're delusional"

"But they're so cute. They're so cute, so tiny, so sooo soooo soooooo fluffy bubba!"

"Delusional"

T_T But they are cute....

Just finished finals! YAYYYYYY

*throws paper out*

Yay. Another mini rant to show you how much of an asshole I am deep down =D

There is nothing that I really hate more than people who change their plans AFTER you've prepared every single fucking thing. Not to mention when they cancel plans AFTER THEYRE FUCKING LATE. How bloody inconsiderate can you be ffs.

I feel like the asshole in this situation though. A little somebody who is dear to me felt like shit. They be swearing all day and being out right pissed off. That someone told me that they wanted to drop by AFTER WORK. MIND YOU AFTER FUCKING WORK. Because they felt like shit, and that person is dear to me, I asked them if they just wanted a shower at my place. They said yes. So, Instead of studying for my exam (which i am completely fucked for), I spent 2 hours cleaning my bathroom, getting things ready so that that person could have a nice relaxing shower or bath (whichever they prefered). I got food up and ready and the bathroom all nice and warm. I got out some lingerie and dressed myself up. I sit there waiting for half a mother fucking hour. Then I find out they went home. They fucking went home to watch game of thrones and did not give a shit in the world to tell me that "I'm gonna drop by home first". 2 Hours fucking late. Thanx

I feel like an asshole in this situation because that person was annoyed about work. I don't even fucking know anymore. 

Back to shitting myself about the exam and being overly stressed all over again.

Ps. Sometimes you drive me so insane that I want to kick you up the dick with all my might.

x///////x

I don't know how, but this picture came up when I was searching for angry anime images... *dies* 

Lately I've been re-reading his old blog posts for comfort. Its like drowning myself in a book, escaping relativity to pretend that everything is what it used to be. To escape back to the times where there were no problems. To escape to the time where I was showered with affection. Lol I'm so shit (Y) 

Anywho, a few rnd songs that I found recently. The memories ;_;

Better man - Stevie Hoang

Writer's block - Nasri 

Clock Stops - August Rigo

Jesus, August had so many depressing songs .-.

Before Dawn- August Rigo

IF A NERD AND A CUP CAKE HAD A BABY, IT WOULD BE JUST LIKE MY BABY (lol)
The weirdest song I've ever heard. Gotta admit, its enjoyable.

Sometimes I feel as though emotions are such a useless thing. No matter how good you feel about something in the beginning, its eventually just going to come and punch you in the face over and over again. Sometimes I feel as though I'm a fool. Even though I've felt the shittiest feelings from a relationship before, I'm allowing myself to be exposed to it again. I can't really blame him though can I? He just doesn't know better, nor does he understand how it feels. There's nothing I can really do about it either. Even if I tell him, words alone won't be enough for him to understand. Its like an expecting mother asking her mum how it felt to give birth. She can describe it, she can show it and she can express it, however, the expecting mother can never actually grasp the concept until she actually goes through labor and give life to her child herself. 

Not being able to fully understand is just 1 problem, the other one would be if he actually accepts it. If he actually acknowledge it or not is a whole-nother story. Its hard to acknowledge something you yourself cannot comprehend. Its hard to dictate whether something is rational or not, without the experience yourself. How to solve this problem? The only way is to let him experience it. But nope, cruel as fuck. 

Sooooo... what now? The answer is: "No bloody idea". What am I meant to do now? Do I listen to what she said? Just break it up because its obvious we just can't understand each other on this aspect? What she said hurt, it really fucking hurt. You can't seem to understand how it feels and you casually spend time with her, doing things together with her that I can't do with you, and asking her to go shopping with you behind my back. What am I meant to do? Am I being irrational? Am I not meant to feel this? Am I being irrational when I do whatever I possibly can to fix things whenever you feel insecure or jealous? Should I also ignore how you feel about it and just pretend nothing happened? Should I continue on with my day as though you hadn't felt completely shit about something?

You thought that the way I talked to people was flirtatious. I make the point that I talk to people exactly the same way as I did when we first met (we had no interest in each other what so ever). You still felt shitty so I do whatever I can to change it to the point where both you and I can be happy.

What do you want me to do? Pretend that its not hurting and just cry to myself? Or just try and kill all my emotions as a whole? It doesn't seem like talking to you makes a difference. It either does nothing at all, or it slowly turns into an argument.

I don't even know anymore. I feel so worn out about these things that I'm becoming more sensitive to the little things. Sigh. What to do? I'm lost.