At times, when I see how the people I love treat me when I go through an anxious set or go through a state of heightened emotions, and I think to myself, 'no wonder why there is such a high co-morbidity between anxiety and depression'. You're going through such an intense moment of dread, anxiety, fear and uncertainty, and common responses from others is:

"What is wrong with you?"

"Why do you NEED to do that?"

"What you're feeling is not necessary. You don't need to feel _______."

"You just need to do _________"

"There is no reason you should be feeling ___________"

"What is this feeling going to do for you? Nothing! So why?"

That is the exact reason why people who suffer from anxiety and depression hide in shame. We are taught, whether directly or indirectly, that our feelings are invalid - we should not feel how we feel given the situation. We feel ashamed of our emotional sensitivity, our inability to cope with situations 'like everybody else', and our inability to live up to what our loved ones expect of us. This sense of shame can easily cause one to feel isolated, as though no one understands them, and that no one truly cares to understand. 

A lot of times, people approach these conditions as though it is a choice. Is it really? If anyone could easily choose between being emotionally sensitive to adverse situations, and being emotionally resilient, I'd bet my life that everyone would chose resilience. Who would chose to be easily hurt? Who would chose to dread something so much that every time they encounter it, they withdraw and avoid with everything that they had. Who would chose to be so overwhelmed that they can do nothing but curl up and cry. I understand that these situations may be normal to you, to the average, mentally healthy person. But to the person with an anxiety disorder, these emotions are much more intense then you can even begin to imagine. Everyone has been anxious about something some time in their life, but can you imagine, that fear you feel becoming so intense that in that moment, there is no way out. When you have generalized anxiety disorder, you feel this with so many facets of your life. It affects different people in different ways, in varying degrees of severity - hence, if someone you love has anxiety, you will need to come to understand what are their triggers. 

It may never be something you can understand. The way your loved ones feel when they have an anxiety condition probably will never make sense to you, but that doesn't stop you from being compassionate. Why? Because they mean something to you. Just because you don't understand why they are feeling anxious/overwhelmed, doesn't change the fact that they are still feeling it. 

So why don't you accept that they are feeling it? 

In that moment, they need your support, more than they need your judgement. They need you to help calm them down, and help them feel as though everything is ok, more than they need to you tell them how they should and should not feel in the given situation. Allow them to get out of that moment of intense anxiety or heightened emotions. Once the storm has pasted - feel free to work on the source of the anxiety. You need to understand that you cannot work on these things, as it is happening. To work on anxiety, you need to work on preventative measures. What behaviours can you encourage, so that anxiety doesn't build up? What can they do to work on awareness of an upcoming anxious process, and in turn work on tolerance? And the most important - what can YOU do, to make it easier on them?

Eg. They get a bit antsy about ordering at a restaurant? Don't rush them. Go through the menu together so that it feels less daunting for your loved one. Ask for more time if necessary. If they're feeling gutsy, let them order. Order for them if they feel less confident this time around. It's not the end of the world for you, but for them, it might very well feel like it.
Rush them, question them for why the hell they're taking so long, or why it's so hard to just chose a dish is only going to lead to an unpleasant meal. Maybe not for you, but definitely for them. It's completely unnecessary.

Eg. They're upset about something that happened during their day? Just listen. 

Eg. They're anxious about something going on at work. Just listen. If they ask for advice, then go ahead and discuss.

Especially within the confines of a relationship, one must be understanding and compassionate towards their partner. If you have a partner with anxiety, then you're living with anxiety alongside them. You are walking alongside them through their journey with mental health. You can chose to either walk hand-in-hand or not. But they sure for hell cannot chose the disorder. 

Approach with:

Patience - Anxiety will only heighten when rushed. Allow them the time they need to recover. It will probably be much longer than the time it takes for you to recover, but this is about them, not you. 

Compassion - You will probably never be able to fully comprehend how they feel because you are not experiencing it first hand, but that does not stop you from trying to put yourself in their shoes. You are very fortunate to not have to personally suffer the condition that your loved one has to live with. So you truly love them, you would treat them with compassion.

Accommodating Behaviours - Make up for what they are unable to do. Again, it is highly likely the things that they are anxious about cause no emotional strain on you. It is highly likely that that thing is 'normal' to you and does not bother you to the slightest. So why not make up for their downfalls? It doesn't effect you, but it causes suffering for them. Why make them do it, especially when they are feeling vulnerable. Yes, allow for situations to work on it, but accommodate for them when they cannot. 

Remove:

Questioning and Judgement - no matter how much you question or judge your loved one, their anxiety will not change. Actually, it probably will. You will most likely make their experiences much worse.

Invalidation of their experiences - just because you cannot understand their feelings, doesn't mean they are not experiencing it. It especially does not mean that what they are feeling are invalid. To think so is very selfish, coming from the person who does not need to go through it every day of their lives. 

Having to live life with an anxiety condition is more than enough on their plate. You, being someone who is dear to them, do not need add more to their suffering.