The Holidays

This holidays I've spent with my Dennepoop! <3 Everyday its been, 

• Denne got a job again 
• Monday after work, Denne dropped by for an hour Tuesday, went to Kevin's house with Denne and ate a pizza each 
  Wednesday, tutor from 5-9
  Thursday, movies with Denne, took Bich ly (ex's sister) and her friend because shes been constantly asking for weeks... and my messed up squishy nature can't say no .-.Friday, boyfriend took me out to cheer me up after traumatic experience. Went pool and ate a DELICIOUS steak
• Today, at around 1, Denne's mum asked him to invite me over to each the pho she made. (feels so happy that she likes me) So went to Dennes house and chilled til about 8.45 =3 Damn.. an amazing.. amazing.. day ^~^  

A week full of happiness at every turn! ^~^ Never knew falling asleep in his arms is so relaxing, fell asleep within a few minutes rather than hours. I can honestly say, I'm happy. I can honestly say that I'm glad I went through so much pain, because if this was what was on the other side, then it was DEFINATELY worth it! 

ふざけるな ~ Stop Being Stupid

Finally that everything is now calmed down, I can finally blog about something that amused me a bit. Here we go.





I don't know what made you think that I care about what you do. I have a new loving boyfriend who  spoils me in every single way I love to be, every time he sees me. Even though his presence is the only thing needed for me to smile. Although we have schedules that clashes a lot, we still make time and we still are damn happy. Yes, I loved you with all my heart at one point of my life, but no, that isn't now.






Your existence is no longer significant. I loved you for your personality and your nature, I was attached to that, not your looks. The second that I saw you change was the second that I had nothing left for you. I'm not getting into your business, your business is not even worth looking at.

I Couldn't Stop Him...

No matter what I did, I couldn't stop from you Over Dosing. Even with everything I had, I couldn't convince you in the end. I saw that you hesitated, but still, you did it. I'm sorry I failed you as a friend... I'm sorry that what I did was not enough to stop you... I tried everything I could, yet I couldn't stop you. I stayed up just in case something happened, it seems as if my hunch was right. I cut myself every time you did to try and stop you from hurting yourself... I lost control and had my first anxiety attack in months, and cried my eyes out, begging you to stop, trying to convince you that there is more to live for. But in the end it happened.

Now you're at the hospital, but being the horrible person I am, I couldn't find out what hospital you're to stand outside that room and make sure you're ok in the end. I'm sitting in my room feeling like I've just failed you as a friend. I'm sorry... Just please... be ok...

I'm Going Insane

 
I just experienced one of the worst things in my life... I hopelessly sat there on webcam with a friend I've know for years. I watched him basically, as he took 3 full boxes of pills. I couldn't do anything other than trying to convince him to stop. I delayed it for hours., I stayed up with him and comforted him until now.. but ultimately he took it... I don't know where he lives, I don't have a car and I don't know how to drive... I can't help him and I feel useless... A failure of a friend.

Please note: Lan, you don't mean anything to me. Please don't get me wrong. I don't care who you do and what you do. I only give a shit that my friend JUST OVER DOSED. Don't be full of yourself. You don't mean shit and you can't compare to Leo. All I care about now is that my friend is in deep shit, and if he doesn't get help soon, he will definitely die... I'm not keen on seeing a friend die....

私の心が痛いデス

 I know I said that its a bit hard on me that we can't see each other much because I bond through quality time... but for you so suggest such a thing... makes me wonder whether its really worth it? Is it worth it when you can suggest calling it quits so easy. But all I can do is keep it in and pretend it never happened. My chest hurts for many reasons tonight. Now that I'm free I can finally blog this freeing from earlier in the afternoon. The second I heard that line, my heart automatically pulled the walls up. So stupid ^^, jesus I'm so weak ^^. Ittai, Hontoni Ittai.

The Change - I'm Flying Again

"I'll fly again... Just you watch, I'll become something amazing." - Squishy
 Something I said, and something I promised to myself after I got heartbroken to the point where I thought my heart was unrepairable. The time when I thought that no one could treat me better than he could, that no one can make me feel like he did. I thought that I wouldn't be able to fall in love again. No matter how many guys, I most I ever felt was an interest, and the term "I love you" lost so much meaning.

But guess what? A few months later. ^~^ 
I'm now a better person. I'm more patient, understanding and free to be myself. I feel so passionately towards my new man and I can honestly say I love you. I want to spend every waking moment with him, and so does he, but we understand and give each other time to ourselves to send alone or with friends. We multitask between games, game call and skype call with each other. Raging and screaming in the middle of sentences without both sides giving a single fuck. I have taken back up a bit of drawing, and currently pondering whether I should seriously pick up Guitar or Raving. The most amazing feelings everyday. I have my wings back within only a few months, faster than I ever expected. All thanks to my lover and protector, Leo, and my true friends. No I'm not perfect, but I'm happy. That's what counts!

Whispers

On monday night, Denne asked me to go out and eat with him on tuesday since its Cheaper tuesday. We ended up going to Kevin's house with his friends. Seven people, seven pizzas and a bucket of KFC. Gobbled up the pizza, lots of coke, then satisfied. I really like his friends, Happy Buddha (Hoa) is funny as hell, same with Vinh and Kevin. I honestly really do like them! They're dope as, lots of jokes, laughs all around. All i didn't really like was Jack. Yeah... I've heard of shit he said about me, hating me and calling me fake without knowing who the fuck I am. Like I always say, "Bitch, You may know my face, but you don't know my story. So go shove a pole up your ass and fuck yourself =3" Not to mention the shit he said about my man too. He won't say shit in front of us, and lets hope he doesn't. I may be little, but I'm protective as fuck of the people I treasure. 
Anywho, we then chilled most of the rest of the night in Kevin's bed, just laying under the covers, falling asleep or whispering into each others ears. Hope no one thought we were doing anything suss gee .-. He keeps saying things that made me smile so much. More melting.... Here we go

"This is how I imagined things to be"
"I wish this moment would never end"
"I love you"
"Daisuki kitty"
 
Damn I can't remember anymore... so dead and out of it LOL tiiireeed. The moment reminded me of the photo i drew the other day.
The day was filled with happiness. It was so simple, just :
1. Stay at home looking after little brother
2. Hieu came over
3. The boyfriend coming over
4. The boyfriend did his hair up [... skipped a dew beats... damn his hair was.. ahh speechless ...]
5. Kevin's house, chill
6. Eat like a fucking pig
7. Chill in bed, cuddling and watching youtube with everyone
8. Home
Just so damn simple, yet, I wouldn't change a single bit. Just perfect and can't be happier.

The Little Things

The little things he does just drives me insane. I honestly don't know how and why it effects me so much, but wow. Hes starting to say more lovey dovey things on his own. Things like Sweety and Honey Bun and all. I've heard things like that so much already [note the last relationship and what not], but gee... Its never made me feel like this before. Every time he says it its like:

" O___O ... *words processed* ... ajghakjhgakjhguwireghskjvnlakjhwetiughasg"

Spastic attack for a few seconds... Hahas

Yayeah, HD quality photo, 3 fucking MBs =3

This guy named Leo

Story time! (Yay I'm telling a story to a computer ... I need a life =3)
The story of how the stray Black Kitty fell into and stayed in the arms of a Lion

 I met this guy while I was in an utter pit, when I was broken as broken can get. I just stop seeing Hieu due to things that happened which crushed me even more, however I gave him the option of staying friends despite so, due to my messed up nature. I was at Hieu's house with someone who I was extremely close to, Michael. It eventually turned out that there would be two more of Hieus friend accompanying me, and once again, I was the only girl. At that point, being the only girl no longer bothered me as of the trust I have established with Michael. The two friends that joined us were Hoc and this guy.

We barely talked at all, he was the silent type. The mysterious and distant type. I pondered whether it was because he was broken in some sense, or if it was just his nature. However, it did not stay my interest for long. I just carried on, being me, not giving a single fucks about anything and anyone.

We started to just take a few shots of my baby, Jim. Just me and this new guy. Words were exchanged. Stories were told. Again, not a single fucks given. We headed off to pool and the five of us shared a table for 2 hours, swapping in and out. At this point, I was at a place I loved. Playing pool, not caring about anything else but that. That is, until I swapped out. I noticed that this guy didn't do or play much. He was just slouching on the sofa, on his phone constantly. He suddenly asked me "Hey Squishy, How old are you". Like usual, i make them guess. After he guessed right, i had a sneak of his phone and saw that he wrote a message to someone my age. This made me have a What the fuck? moment, then a Whatever because of how often "these things" had been happening since the break up. So again, not a single fucks given. [Although now I wonder what it was and who it was to]

He was the straight forward type, his aura didn't do that trait justice too. The one line he said to me about taking a shot really got on my nerves and honestly it pissed me off. I just thought, You know my name, you know my face, you know my attitude. But bitch please, you don't know my story. It pissed me off to a point that I was like, Fuck this, I ain't going to even bother, and I put the drink down.

After i got home from Hieu's place, I got a friend request. And shit me not, it was him. Denne Tran. I thought, "Hummm, what an interesting way of spelling the name". After adding me, he talked to me. Ended up calling me Kitty. We continued to talk until 1-2 am if I'm not mistaken and I'm amazed that we opened up to each other to that point.

I don't know why, but from that point on he became "Leo". The protector of kitty. Things started to get rather weird after a bit of talking. He gave off a slight vibe that the other guys that liked me, accompanied with the distant and mixed messages. When we were online he was open. Yet in real life he was another person with the same voice and face.

He kept saying things like "You better not fall for me", "Please tell me you didn't fall for me", accompanied with things like "Kitty, please don't leave me" "I'll always be there for you, I won't be like the other guys that said it, I won't fall for you and leave you like the others did" and one day a sudden "I love you" "What do I have to do to make you believe me"

Leo really confused me. We got close to a point where we started to talk on skype a lot, text a lot and even stay up to ridiculous hours just talking about the most stupid shit. One day, he decided to ask me to go to a park with him. So we did, but due to certain circumstances, we went to Hieu's house instead. He had chats during the ride, and he mentioned that he was going to wear a stitch onesie and it made me think. "Damn, this guy has guts. And its adorable that he has a onesie. Doesn't seem like the type, but okay?"

So went to Hieu's place. Played pool on the table there for a few hours. Then Hieu and Leo left to pick people up. Leo ended up actually coming in the stitch onesie and lord it was cute. Saw him in another light. Messed around and teased him, saw cracks of a smile many times, yet it seemed as if he was trying to hide it. I was going to Peter's 18th birthday party afterwards and I needed something to eat cause I knew I was going to drink. Denne asked if I wanted to eat some of his noodles, and we ended up sharing. I knew that since little Khanh was going to be at the party, I might be drinking a lot. Took 500-600 photos... I know... amazing. I was pretty confident in myself. Like holy shit. The drinks i counted were; at least 6-8 shots of Jim, a few of Midori, and at least 5 Red Lable Rum. Lost count after the 5th one, but damn... It tasted BEAUTIFUL. All that, not to mention Khanh feeding me too. It was a night to remember


Anywho, things progressed and we found that we both kept wanting to spend time together. However, he didn't want to do anything because people saw that I "belonged to Hieu" because he liked me. It was blaintly obvious that he liked me, and it was starting to show that I was starting to feel the same too.  Things happened and on Saturday the 8th of June, in my living room. He popped the question. And now we are official.

I know that I've been comparing things in this relationship to the last in the beginning, and honestly I've only really stopped very recently. And to be transparent, I was scared too. I was scared of being hurt again because of how broken I was and am. I kept being scared of him only wanting to be with me because he wasn't been in a relationship for years, and apparently no one has really ever been interested in him. But now... nothing of that sort is present. The things he does and the things he says makes me feel so secure and loved. Everyday he wants to see me. Simple things he says, makes gives me butterflies. "Kitty, I miss you... Can I just drop by", "Lien...I love you", "Daisuki, Leo Daisuki kitty!". He does the most amazing things, maccers runs in the middle of the night, just to see me for a second, just for a hug. He spoils me so much that it just kills me inside. Only 3 weeks, yet so many dates. Going to play pool, eating at sunnybank, chilling at his place and at mine. Meeting his parents and his brothers. Sitting at the park just chilling. Kisses  and hugs. Carrying me around, sometimes even with just one arm. At this point, just the sight of him gets me  so damn excited it drives me nuts. Its to the extent where I go out of my way to try and look good for him. Painting my nails, wearing perfume, heels  and all. Like holly shit, I'm actually giving so many shits.

I can honestly say that he makes so me happy, [Like Claudette says, "walking ball of happiness".] and that I've never felt this way before. This feeling is so new and so different, it just makes my heart skip a beat. Just a hug, just a kiss, just a pat on the head or even just a glimpse, gives me the tingles and makes me feel so bubbly. When we are together, its so hard to part, its so hard t resist when we are just right there. Eve over webcam, he says he would sleep at this time, but he ends up sleeping hours later. I want to do things right this time, because I want this to work so bad. I want to be with him, I want him to be mine as much as he wants me to be his.

Do You Believe in Horoscopes?

Its 01:00 am in the morning, my Leo-kun went to sleep at around 10-11 since he is starting work again today. Considering that he needs to wake up around five in the morning, and his adorable self wishes to sleep a minimum of 9 hours, he decided to return to a regular sleeping pattern (although both he and I understand it may be impossible because of how hard it is for us to part).

Well back on topic. I couldn't sleep, so decided to search up some horoscopes. I decided to look on a website I often visited some time in the past and noticed the love compatibility section.

Yes... It is well known to me that I am weird ^~^ But this is what came up when i put in our horoscopes. Leo and Libra


"Leo fulfills the Libran's desires, rubbing him or her the right way and expressing boundless love, especially in the physical sense," made me giggle quite a bit. Ironically, Denne is quite childish in a sense. Childish in a playful way. You would never have thought he would be so playful by nature when you met him the way I met him. You can say he was pretty... distant? Like Zero in vampire knight. I guess i could see bits and pieces of his true self when i talked to him online. Anywho, reason for laughing? Well, he loves rubbing. He loves rubbing his head against me, and he'd say the most adorable things while he does so. Makes my heart melt like crazy. I can't help but smile.

After reading the small paragraph, I thought there were bound to be something more detailed out there on the internet. Hence my search began. After few second wait, I got this from astrology.com.au:
http://www.astrology.com.au/astrology/compatibility/compatibility.php