Lately, I been feeling as though I should really go see a doctor for this. I know I have always been a person that gets scared, stressed or anxious about things here and there, but I dont know how it has gotten to the point it was today. I don't even know if it really has been like this all along, but I've just been really good at hiding it until of recent.
I hate university atm. Mainly because I don't know what I'm doing, why I'm doing that I currently am. I cant concentrate on work unless I have a random outburst of productivity, and that is not enough so sustain me through class efficiently. I can see that I do the assessments, essays and reports very easily, however keep up to date and actually being able to do well on exams is another story. I just fucking hate it and I don't know why. All of this makes me anxious. Then I start feel hopeless and scare, thinking that I don't have the ability to do anything right and make anyone happy, whether it be me or my parents. When try and do what I want to do, I get scared that I'll fuck up and be a failure. When I try and do what my parents want me to do, I get anxious that its leading me nowhere and I end up avoiding everything and my end results suffers even though I do really well on the no exam assessment aspects. This makes me absolutely hate myself because I know I'm not doing the best to my abilities. My reports and essays proves that I can do it, but I just can't find the motivation to because I'm too fucking anxious about it and try so hard to avoid it. I feel as though I'm failing myself and I know that I'm failing myself and everyone who cares about me. I'm failing my parents, my grandparents and my partner. I'm scared that if I stay on this path, all I'm doing right now is wasting money because I have no idea what I'm doing and where I'm going. I can't afford to spend a few semesters trying to find out what I want to do. But at the same time, if I take a break, I would make my family worry. This puts my in a situation where I feel completely hopeless and countered. I have no idea what to do and feel like I'm a shitty excuse for a human and a waste of space, time and money. Somewhere in this thought process, I have already started to put my head to my knees, hug my legs and start to cry. My chest tightens as if someone is holding me and squeezing me, like a tonne of bricks stacked on top of my chest. My heart starts to race so hard I can feel pulse my pulse in my head and hear beat by beat in my ears. Sometimes I feel as though all the energy I have is sucked out of me, and no matte how much rest or sleep I get, its never enough. I get so lost in my anxiety that I feel light headed and my vision becomes out of focus. Sometimes when I'm lucky, its only short. I snap myself out of it by trying to forget about it and avoid it. If not, I get stuck in this cycle and long chain of anxious thoughts that don't stop for an hour or two at times. In the end everything becomes a blur. I forget what it was that first started to make me anxious but I continue to feel anxious. It's almost like I start to feel anxious because I don't know why I'm feeling anxious and that I need to know what it was that made me anxious to stop be from feeling anxious, This makes me feel so embarrassed. I feel pathetic and fear people will see me differently, so I hide it and try my best to never show it. I hate myself for thinking like this and I don't discuss it with people. People give me solutions like, "just don't worry, there's no point in worrying," which makes me feel as though I'm even more pathetic because I just can't. Thats all I've been trying to do, its to not worry and go on with my life without being petrified at every corner. I don't want to be anxious every time anything happens, because it sucks. I get anxious that my parents are mad at me, so I avoid them in general. And when they get mad at me for avoiding them and not being at home, I avoid interactions with them even more so I don't have to deal with them being mad at me for avoiding them for being mad at me. I get anxious to talk to people because I'm scared they are going to fuck me up like me old friends did. I'm scared of being lied to. Of being told that if anything is wrong, they would tell me, only to just have them turn around and bitch about me rather than actually saying something to me. I was so scarred by them that most of my interactions with other people nowadays are just based on my fears of what is going to happen. Sometimes I'm so nervous that it becomes hard to speak or reply. My thoughts are everywhere and its so hard to "deal with it" and "calm down." I hate this constant feeling of fear and anxiety. What I hate even more is telling people about it because I know I will be judged.
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Monday, August 17, 2015
#BirdTamer
When people call themselves models after a few photo shoots... mate, that must mean I'm a bird tamer/whisperer because I have a few birds. That logic is too strong.
#birdwhisperer #birdtamerlife #beastmaster #exoticaamf
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Friday, July 31, 2015
Ahri le cockatiel
I turns out that Ahri might actually be a boy T_T
YAY BIRDIE PUBERTY!!!! (not really)
She is starting her first molt. It is still going to take another month or two before she actually drops all her baby feathers for new big birdie feathers. The 4 or so tail feathers that have grown out are all solid grey ._. The baby feathers were barred so it is a pretty distinct difference. Ahri has also been REALLY attached to me. In the morning, Ahri wants to come out and play and just be ON me on way or another. I accidentally swung the cage door open when I took the night cover off her cage and didn't realise it happened before going back to sleep again. She ended up flopping to the ground, climbing my computer tower and then slowly making her way up my mattress just to plopping onto my face and chill. When I brush my teeth together with Ahri in the morning, shes always whistling. Shes whistling A CRAP TONNE! Shes copied quite a few sounds here and there. Her favourite sounds are a sucking sound, kissing sound and my samsung notification sound. Its a lot better than her screaming... SAhe whistles a lot more when Denne is around... Oh yeah, theres the beak banging and wing stretching. Distinct courtship behaviour... fuck me ._.
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Sunday, July 19, 2015
Restaurant Rant #1
Look after your mother fucking children. Yes, I understand that it is hard to make your child stop having a temper tantrum, stop them screaming or stop them from acting how. HOWEVER, when your child is running around opening every fridge door in the restaurant, running up and down the walk ways, throwing food left and right, ITS YOUR JOB AS A PARENT TO TEACH THEM NOT TO ACT LIKE A LITTLE SHIT! I can't even stop to count the amount of times a parent was on their phone, facebooking away whilst they have a big bowl within arms reach. Guess what happens? Oh my, the baby whacked it over. The amount of times where parents would let and infant eat by itself, and allow the infant to throw food within a one fucking metre radius. I understand if you do that at home, great, you can clean it up yourself. But what makes people think that it is ok for other to clean up the mess that you allow your child to make. It is our job to bring you food, but it doesn't mean you make it hard on us. Be thoughtful, if you wouldn't like to clean up after some lazy asshole's disgusting child, then we wouldn't too, whether it is a part of our job or not. It's like you wouldn't shit and smear your shit all over the walls and seats of the public toilet, thinking, "oh, its the janitor's job to clean it," like an asshole.
Control your children and don't be an inconsiderate ass.
Ps. when parents later say, "sorry about the mess guys," when there is go food all over the floor under their table, around their table, and a bit under the neighbouring tables...
*trying to smile* "its ok. thank you so much, have a nice day"
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Sunday, July 5, 2015
Denne and Make Up
I use make up every time I step foot outside. Well, a tiny bit less lately, but still pretty much everyday. My usual routine is just eyeliner and... does lip balm count? The winter is messing up my lips real bad. Anywho, I decided to ask Denne some make up questions to see how much my boyfriend knows about make up.
What do you use foundation for?
Denne: "Your face... "
Me: "Yeah, but what specifically"
Denne: "to put other make up on top of your face"
What is a primer?:
Denne: "You put that on top of the foundation ... uh, to enhance... to make your skin lighter"
What do you use a toner for?:
Denne: "Make it more brown!"
Where is your crease?:
Denne: "uhhhhh *laughs* WHAT? ..... uhhhh my forehead"
What is a beauty blender used for?
Denne: "uhhh i guess to smooth out theee... the fucking blusher of whatever"
What is a bronzer?
Denne: "makes your skin browner"
Me: "Kinda, yess and kinda no, Its for contouring your face, or just can just use it to make your face look more tanned"
What do you used to make your eyelashes curly?
Denne: "eye lash curler?"
Do you know the difference between a lip gloss and lip balm?:
Denne: "uuhh, I guess one is for your dry lips and one for your shiny lips"
I had the biggest laugh tonight, it was hilarious.
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Saturday, May 9, 2015
A Massive Step In The Right Direction
I've just gotten home from a trip to Vietnam. It was ahh, a lot of things to say and that would be for another time since it is late. After returning, things have been different. A pretty amazing different tbh. Everyday i feel really loved an appreciated for the things I do. Things really has changed for the better after we took some time apart that I just want to keep working together with him to improve our relationship. It feels as though the three weeks apart has really loosened things up for us.. I have become a lot more patient and my temper is a lot better. I'm able to enjoy Denne's cheekiness and playfulness a lot more. It feels as though we have gone over quite a few rough spots and we have been able to open up more. I guess with understanding comes compassion? I appreciate his efforts so much I just want to spoil the living shit out of him.
P.S, hes become quite the beast hahas.
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Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Little
Sometimes I just can't help but feel so little and so hopeless. No matter what I do, I can't make things better. No matter what I try, how much time and effort I put into it, things stay the same. I can't help but feel so useless and purposeless. As though I have no significance what so ever. I'm probably just not good enough to achieve anything, and I just haven't come to accept it yet...
I just want things to get better, so that we can live happily together.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Give me a bloody warning ffs.
When people suddenly pull out their bloody headsets, without remembering that their webcam mic is a MOTHER FUCKING LOT more sensitive then their fucking headset mic. You get your ear blown off, and a ring in your head for the fucking hundredth time and they get mad because you explained (for the hundredth fucking time as well) why it fucking hurts. Like dude, the headset mic is so fucking low, that I need to turn you up from 1 notch (which is for the webcam mic) to a freaken 3 or 4, just to hear you ok. Mind you, 1 is already freaken loud for the webcam mic. So for the love of god and for the health of my eardrums, a fucking warning PLEASE.
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Monday, March 30, 2015
Unconditional Love - Wondering Thoughts
Like the post from a few days ago, I really do think that unconditional love is the key to long lasting relationships. Independence, self-esteem, trust, and balance are also something that I treasure. However, I find it exceedingly difficult to find a balance without having to ask for things in return. Maybe it's because I care too much about it whilst it really isn't an issue for my boyfriend, but it never seems to be resolved. Even when talking it out, he also cannot come up with a resolution.
To find balance, (unless the two people are completely in sync, which they mostly aren't), you need to have some wiggle room. Some space to have adjustments and to actively contribute. However, it doesn't work this way unless both parties are consciously putting in the thought to do so. It's not even about putting effort into it, its whether or not the need to wiggle is even noticed.
Then if one person is on a 7/10 in regards to attentiveness towards balance and the other isn't really phased by it and is at a 3/10, then it gets iffy. Again, it isn't that 3/10 means they don't give a shit, its just something they don't think is important. The one that is at the 7/10 doesn't end up feeling satisfied with the balance (balance can be in all regards of the relationship, not just whether or not needs are being met). The 3/10 can be left feeling overwhelmed by the demands of the other party and may in turn disengage from the relationship. So what can be done in such a situation? If a simple talk about the awareness could solve something like this, relationships would obviously be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, it isn't. Some people might just not give a shit, that situation, just gtfo before it gets worse. But most situations, that is just how they are by nature. Nothing in general really phases them. So....
"But is love enough to build a lasting relationship? And does unconditional love mean that no matter what your partner does, your feelings don't change?
The answer is no to both"
Just because you love the person, doesn't mean you'll stay together. If you cannot work something like this out, then you would either break up, or stay in a tug-o-war of a relationship. Either way, no-no's.
"Unconditional love within the context of a relationship is a dance in which both partners participate."
"But... unconditional love within the context of lasting relationship requires lots of wiggle room. As part of self-love, you know your own personal boundaries and the limits of what you find to be acceptable and healthy behaviours and relations from your beloved.
It is your job in the relationship to 'use your influence in a caring and disciplined manner to create a balanced exchange with your partner. Such skills are not exercised to control or manipulate for selfish gain, but rather to maintain a mutually beneficial and satisfying partnership.
When both partners are aware of their personal boundaries, and are committed to communicating them in loving and non-threatening ways, then the relationship can continue to re calibrate and grow ever stronger over the years. With the ability to communicate openly, negotiate willingly, and compromise and make adjustments, you can build a strong relationship in which unconditional love develops and grows more satisfying over time."
To my understanding, there is a very fine line between that and plain old demanding and expecting. Simple, little actions that may not seem important can completely change the outcome. The article I got this quote from, really hows what can happen when we over-analyze past relationships to try and dig out 'mistakes' that we can possible 'fix' in the new relationship. This can just make us fall right back into the pattern of seeking someone to provide for your needs.
Although over-analyzing things is within my nature, something that I probably can not completely get rid of no matter how hard I try, I need to make the thoughts of less importance and urgency. All I should really ask for is for him to actively try and work at it with me as we go on this journey together, whilst I try my best and be the best partner I can be for him. I have been improving myself and trying to become a better me, but I obviously still need some more soul searching.
Maybe I might be a bit more selfish and ask him to be a bit more patient with me as I work on myself whilst I offer the same to him. Although our journey to discovering yourselves are not the same, hopefully I'll be able to be there to give you some support along the way as you are offering me.
Ahhhhh. It's 1.20 and my train of though completely derailed. In the beginning, it was muddle of confused and puzzled thoughts, not knowing what to do. Not knowing what was right or wrong and not knowing which path would be best. However, in the end, my thoughts just took me to, "God I love him. He really does a lot for me." Maybe, I'm just trying too hard to try and figure out the solution to something that is as complicated as this. Maybe it would be better just to take it slow. Take some quality time together and talk it out, taking as many times as needed. Well, maybe we could do so tomorrow. Who knows.
No matter how exhausted I feel, just thinking of you and how much you mean to me makes me want to stand back up and keep going.
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Never
Never give all your time and effort into someone who has shown you that they wouldn't do the same for you.
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Friday, March 27, 2015
Relationship Dilemma
There is this thing within relationships that really gets me into a jumble.
"Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky."
Aka, give your spouse what you give without asking for anything back. I feel as though it won't work out, unless the two people are on the same level. I believe that you should always give without asking anything in return. But when you're living with the specific person every single day and when you do all these things for this specific person, yet you don't receive back, it can hurt. It is fucking hard. No matter how I try and think about it, relationships always end sup being a give and take thing. It always comes down to this; It doesn't need to be a 50/50 give and receive ratio. But it can't also be something ridiculous like a 10/90 thing either.
I find that it is an incredibly difficult thing to expect your spouse not to want/demand in return if you yourself don't actively try and treat her back for the effort he/she gives you. It may not even be their fault that they don't actively do so. They might of never been in such a relationship before. They might have never been put into a situation where they need to also tend to the needs of another individual. It can just be pure absentmindedness or even inexperience, rather than neglect.
I feel that understanding that is the first step to getting somewhere. You can't just be constantly doing things for them and have them just chill, because burn out is a pretty common thing. You can't expect that from your spouse either. It isn't like, 'he's/she's washing up the dishes, oh isn't that nice,' and proceed to bum out. No matter how patient they are, they didn't get into a relationship with out to be your mother or your father. They fell in love with you for a good amount of things. They fell in love with you because of intimacy, because of effort, because of quality time etc. What the fuck do you think is going to happen when all that shit is gone? If your time, effort, expressions and attentiveness drops from a 9 to a 2, how the fuck are they meant to be satisfied.
But at the same time... "DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK"
It's easily said and sounds perfect. Some people I've had conversations with say that that is how it should be and that is how they are. But when I give them a situation where they are giving 9 parts and their spouse is giving 1 part. They all don't like the idea of it. They wouldn't be happy with that. I don't know anyone who would.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!! It's selfish to want something back, and if you do something to get something in return, then that isn't a good motive to have when doing a good deed.
So what would you do in this situation?
Do you;
1. Suck it up and deal with it
2. Talk about it and tell them you want more (directly)
3. Beat around the bush?
Like seriously, what do you do? Number one should never be an option and number three is just a waste of time. But number two has its difficulties too due to many factors, whether is you not being able to keep your cool, your spouse taking it defensively, your spouse being inconsistent, bad communication and a fucktone of other things that can just make it all into one big, long, dragged out fight which can foster bitterness and spite between the two individuals.
Hence, I find this extremely difficult. I question myself whether I should just take what I am given. If I should lessen the things I do, or if I should just continue to with things are they are. I'm so on the fence with an issue that is so common in relationships... its stupid. I guess that means a lot more growing up to do
My general outlook is, "Both parties must put a good amount of effort into satisfying the needs of the other and show them that they are loved in their own love language, but at the same time they also need to understand that they are in deed another individual. Hence, as much as you need to tend to their needs, you also need to let go, so that both parties can do and enjoy their own thing in their own time." A lot easier said than done. Again, good in theory, but applying it is another story.
-Just needed to put my wondering thoughts down-
(I wonder too many times, too often, too long)
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Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Female this female that
I am ALL in for gender equality and equality for all people no matter the race, sex, gender orientation, age etc. Equality is what my morale is based on. However, I FUCKING HATE IT, when ladies say, "I'm a female insert word here ."
"I'm a female gymer"
"I'm a female billiard player"
"I'm a female biker"
"I'm a female builder"
"I'm a girl gamer"
(The fucking worse one...)
Why can't you just be a gamer? Why do you have to be a "girl gamer." I play games because I love to play games, because I fucking can. The girls that actually do genuinely love to play games, don't fucking call themselves that. Someone once said to me, "oh, so you're a girl gamer?" No... just no. I like to play games, no fucking big deal.
I find it incredibly retarded when ladies are like, "EQUALITY," while putting labels on themselves, trying to sound as though they are better because they are doing 'guy things'. Is it a new hipster thing? It just itches me so bad. The current issue for our society is gender equality. Every lady wants to be treated fairly and they do not want to be treated , objectified or looked at a certain way just because they are a female. Yet, ladies are going around, keeping the gap apart with these stupid labels. I feel as though this shouldn't be bothering me, but eh, whatever.
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Monday, March 9, 2015
Boyfriend
Guys and girls are completely different. Both mentally, physically and emotionally. It got me thinking.
"what makes someone an amazing significant other?"
Obviously there is no such thing as the 'perfect' girlfriend or boyfriend. There is always something missing or wrong. As much as you don't want people to expect you to be perfect, you shouldn't expect someone else to be perfect right? I think mistakes are good, as long as you actively try and learn from them. I think that the perfect boyfriend isn't the boyfriend that knows exactly what to do when and where you need or want him to do so. The perfect boyfriend isn't the guy that can sweet talk you, the guy that currently wants to give you all of his attention, or the guy that pampers you with romantic gifts.
Though, I do admit that I dream of a guy like that due to all the romance manga and stories I've read throughout my teenage years. I do dream of that tall, ripped/tonned guy that surprised me with flowers, chocolate, ramen or scented candles randomly without a reason to. I do dream of the guy that rushes to the door to open it for me and the guy that always makes sure to pull out a chair for me before sitting down himself. The guy that is never afraid to show the world that I belong to him and that he belongs to me. It's just that I find that its cruel to expect someone to be any of that, let alone all of it. I don't think that a relationship isn't about finding the perfect guy. It's about finding an imperfect guy and trying to understand and accept them as much as they do for you. Obviously there will be changes that are needed in order for harmony to ensue. There will be habits from both sides that will drive the other insane. Sometimes it might just be plain old inexperience. Adjustments here and there are needed and communication is key.
Communicate with the other party on what your needs are. You are you and your needs are important in feeling happy which in turn effects the development of the relationship. The other party has the responsibility to listen and consider what they need to do as a significant other. As much as your needs are important, your significant other's needs are JUST, if not more, important than yours. So as much as your partner tries to make you happy and fulfilled, you must also do the same. Its all about balance. It's bad to do too much, as you would naturally want the same in return, but it is also bad to do too little as that will upset your partner.
Balance, Communication, Patience and Being Understand is key
(in my opinion)
Dear Denne,
Though you are nowhere near being the PERFECT boyfriend, in my eyes, you are beyond the best boyfriend I can ask for. Though you are not used to having to worry about the needs of another person, though you are not used to having the reciprocate the efforts of others, though you are so derpy that you can so easily forget anything and everything in regards to anything we have ever discussed about, I couldn't really ask for anything more. You have tried so hard for me and I appreciate every bit of effort involved. Whenever I talk to you about an issue, you've become more and more understanding towards how I feel. Though many times, its hard for you to sympathize, you still try your hardest to understand. Sometimes its hard to stay mad at you because of that stupid face you make. Whether you still don't understand, or you have grasp the concept, you still hug me tightly and comfort me. You have tried really hard to come to understand what makes me feel loved (Quality time). Since acts of service is the way you feel and express love, it's hard for you to understand what exactly my love language is and how the hell you even give it to me. What makes it harder is that you have not gotten close to someone who wants quality time. But you still try. You admit that you fucked up and you admit that it slipped your mind. You hug me and turn right back around for another try. After I had time to reflect and think. I think that I wasn't really attracted to the way you treated me (well not completely). It was more of how derpy and absentminded you were, yet you still tried so hard to do things right and make me happy. To do me right. That cheeky smile you have on when you know you're doing something romantic. That disappointing expression you have when you understand what went wrong. The 'I'm sorry' expression, hug and kiss. That excited demeanor when we are going on an adventure or are doing something new. The playful smile you have that tells me we the next 5 hours will be full of crude or terrible jokes and puns. And last but not least, the sulky expression that only I can see, when you want me to spoil and pamper you to no tomorrow.
I love you dearly. There is no real expression I can use to show how much you mean to me. Maybe, "My love for you is like the universe, it is waste and ever expanding," but that is a tad bit too corny hahas. You mean more than the world to me. I don't know where the future will take us, whether our roads will continue to run along side by side, or if our paths are going to diverge, but I know that in this moment, there is nothing that matters to me more than you do. I hope you know that everyday, I will work towards being a better me and a better partner, not only for me, but for you also. So that I can provide you with all the love you need in whatever form it is that you desire. So that I, in turn, can also be an amazing girlfriend for you.
With love,
Your Kitty.
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Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Peppy Update
I'm starting to call Pepper, "Peppy" a lot more lately. I got her vet Checked today. It turns out she had a sinus problem like I suspected and she had a few common birdy diseases that I'm currently giving her treatment for. I booked a session on Thursday afternoon to meet a lady who has a flock of 4, 8 weeks old, full grey cockatiels. I want peppy to have a companion to play with all day. It would be best to get the birdy now, so that I can also get a quick vet check and put that new bird on the same medication as Peppy is currently on so that I don't need to quarantine the two. It is going to be an expensive week gee.
The only problem that I am currently having is that birdys generally don't get DNA checked because it is apparently expensive. So if I get a male, there are new things I need to introduce to reduce the chances of having fertile eggs. I wouldn't mind a nest a year during the breeding season, but constant egg popping will kill me. Even if I don't have time to hand raise the chicks (if the new cockatiel is a male), I can just let Peppy raise it and sell it as aviary birds. Even if the new one is male, it will take a while before any horniness kicks in since it will only be 8 weeks old. So all I'm worried about now is making sure the both will be sickness free and whether or not they will get along. Money wouldn't really be a problem because I will be working a lot due to my dad's business trip. I will probably be making a lot of coffee... I'm excited =3
flock of babies
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Monday, March 2, 2015
Inala...
I was taking a trip to the toilet whilst in the middle of work today. I was walking down the corridor to the set of cleanest toilets in Inala (its not that clean...). Its a small corridor that can fit about 3 and a half of me. Ie, it can fit at least 2 average sized person easily. But the thing is, this "over-sized" lady decided to be a dick. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if someone is fat, or larger than average, I really don't. It doesn't matter if you're super big or super skinny, if you're an asshole, you're an asshole. If you smell like a piece of cat poop that was eaten and mixed with a fur ball that was JUST regurgitated, then you smell like shit, no matter how much body fat percentage you have...
Anywho, I was walking down the corridor as she was coming towards my direction. Its common sense to slowly shift to the side when you see someone approach from the opposite direction. But no.... HELL FUCKING NO SHE SAID (she didn't really say that lol). As I got closer to her, I did the slow shift to the left that is pretty much a custom in Australia. But as I got closer and closer, she didn't fucking budge, so I loved even more to the side. To the point where I was pretty much boob, face and vag-ing the wall. Then... the moment happen when we are meant to casually pass each other.
Oh, she didn't just pass me, because this lady, decided not to move a single inch to any side... and BANG. She just walked straight into me, EVEN WHEN I WAS HUGGING THE FUCKING WALL. I bounced off her flesh and my forehead and boob (especially my forehead) rebounded to said hello to the wall =)
This giant of a lady (both height and weight), just smashed this child of a critter into a wall. The Samoan lady that was walking a metre behind her looked at me in shock as I stood there holding my head, trying to fathom wtf just happened to me... The bloody lady didn't even look back, even with the tongk sound that my head made as it kissed the wall.
I could have sworn that I made eye contact with the lady before the collision...
I came back and told my dad at the restaurant... he just shook his head and chuckled
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Saturday, February 21, 2015
Feathery Friend.
I just got myself a birdy fwiend.
She is a little teenage cockatiel that I bought off a man who could no longer have her because his residence had a no pets policy. He did a REALLY good job raising this little one. Her name is Pepper, I feel like changing her name, but I'm not quite sure what to call her. She is definitely a little cutie, Denne warmed up to her REALLY fast. To be honest, I wanted to get a male that was white and pied, but the second I met this little girl, I was absolutely in love.
Before stopping at the man's place, which was on the other side of the city, we when to petstock. There is a Petstock at Oxley, just a few minutes drive away, however it was closed due to the extreme weather. Luckily, the Indooroopilly Petstock was open. I bought a huge cage because I wanted to make sure that if I were to get another bird, there would still be plenty of space for the both of them. I wanted the little one to have as much space as possible, considering she will be staying in the when I'm not around. Don't want her to be bored and restricted.
Yeah... you can see how big that cage is. I made sure to do some research about what types of cages were good for a small bird and the type of toys I should get her. The cage could fit 3 or so small birds, has well spaced and sturdy bars and a tray at the bottom for easy cleaning. Everything else about it is quite standard. Also bought a rope swing, a straw nest, a ladder made of rope and natural wood, some hanging honey seed treats and a small hanging perch. I got a $10 discount for a missing bolt at the bottom that they replaced (no, I didn't ask for it) and $9 discount from my points on my loyalty card. Pretty solid. There are still things that I'd like to get her. More toys! To make sure she is entertained when I'm gone. I absolutely love Petstock. The most friendly and animal friendly pet shop. Whenever you enter the store, there is ALWAYS someone who is ABSOLUTELY in love with animals. They are always enthusiastic and I LOVE their energy. It's also so nice to have their little pets around so you can play with. It makes me feel a lot more at home and a lot less awkward. Lovely people. Been to 3/4 different petstock places, and never have I had an experience that is less than amazing.
I'm looking forward to getting a table top play gym. This one in particular from petbarn.
I also want to get a natural wooden perch to hang on the outside of the cage since she seems to really like sitting outside, next to me. She has been resorting to my whiteboard that I have leaning against my table. I was also thinking of getting a mirror and some random toys here and there. I want to get some treats so I can start teaching her tricks =3. Since she is a female though, there is a VERY low chance that I can get her to talk. Hence, I'm also planning to get a male cockatiel within the next half a year. Their food is cheap, so there isn't really going to be a problem with another one joining the family.
After the shops, we drove to the other side of brisbane to meet the cockatiels. I took a liking to her the most and I decided to get her. When I came to the door, a man come to open the door and his expression was, "holly shit wtf." I don't think he was expecting someone of my stature and appearance to come. He looked a bit skeptical hahas. But after a bit of talking, he seemed a bit more reassured. I felt bad taking the little one away from him, he looked sad and it broke my heart. But I know that I am going to take extra good care of her and that he wasn't able to keep her anyways. So we went our separate ways, and Denne and I took her home. It's been a nice day bonding with her and getting her used to her new environment. She can be a bit stubborn about getting off my shoulder, but she is nervous and she just wants to have head pets constantly. I want to do anything I can to make this experience as easy as it can be for her.
Ps. Denne, I love you.
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Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Valentines Day
Valentines day. A day people just love to hate. Couples try to outdo each other, just so they can post it on facebook and prove that they are better than others. It seems as though the day turned into either a world wide competition or a hate/sulk fest for those who are not in a relationship. I got to admit, initially, I also wanted to be blown away by my significant other. I was so endorsed in the superficial image of Valentines day that I forgot the actual purpose of the day. The way I see it, valentines day is like taking a mana pot. Whilst you are build to be able to sustain yourself, after a period of combat, your mana bar will eventually deplete. Before you completely run out of mana and become completely useless (which obviously means game over, or in this case, relationship over), you can use valentines day as something to give you a boost to keep going. That was probably a shit analogy, but fuck it =D.
I feel as though valentines day is a day where you can both remind each other of why you're both in the relationship to begin with. It's a day to treat her like your queens and him like your king. It's a day to set aside whatever problems you have in your relationship to the side and start to show how much you love each, despite all the ups and downs. It's a day to look past the flaws that have unveiled itself over time, and begin to love each other unconditionally once again. With weight lifted off your shoulders, even for just a day, it makes things a lot easier (that is if you use the day properly). Tension, if there is any, is lifted, so that you can actually appreciate them for who they are and what they do, rather than being so occupied with what they are not doing. It doesn't just have to be valentines day, do it whenever the hell you want. The date doesn't matter, what matters is that you don't stop appreciating them for who they are, and that you understand that everyone will have either flaws, even you yourself. Just be sure that you are blessed to be with the person you love.
I wrote this on the night of Valentines day and I forgot to post it (oops) =3
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Sunday, February 15, 2015
Quitting the Pursuit
Somewhere near the end of last year , I decided that I'd actively purse a good relationship with my dad. That would mean that I'd have to put a lot of my values and a lot of viewpoints/stands behind me because my dad is a man of a completely different age. I had to bite my tongue many times when my dad would make racist and/or sexist remarks. Recently, he made an uncalled for comment about gays which really pushed my buttons. After about two months, I've decided that that isn't a thing that I want to achieve. I feel as though it's impossible to have a relationship with my dad. I don't want to have to deal with his random outbursts and lectures. I don't want to try and be friendly, just to have him misunderstand me, get angry, yell, lecture, then reject me when I'm trying to tell him that it's a misunderstanding. When I ask why he reacts so negatively something that I saw as a small and harmless joke, rather than explaining, he just says, "there is no point of explaining anything, you won't listen anyways and you will only believe what you will believe," even though he is doing exactly as he says to me.
I really don't want to have to always deal with these backlashes. Even when I try and understand things, he will stick with whatever it is that he think is correct. So to compromise to his way of thinking, I will not try and be close and friendly with my father. All I will do is keep the relationship at a neutral position, making sure it doesn't become a bad relationship again, and just leave it at that. Maybe with will easy his mind better.
Hope things become better in the long run.
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Friday, February 13, 2015
Sometimes I Fucking HATE Being Female
Sometimes I genuinely HATE being a chick. I hate having to deal with, the stupid, absentminded doucheyness from guys. Whether the things you do or say is absentminded or not, whether you though about it or not, it still fucking hurts. Just because you didn't think about the repercussions of your actions, doesn't mean there isn't any. Especially because it isn't something that negatively effects you, doesn't mean that its completely fine.
It's not like we don't try and be considerate towards it because we know you don't mean no harm from it what so ever. We do. But ITS FUCKING HARD! It's like being bitten by a tiny little Boa in the neck, and not reacting to it even though (initially) there is a sharp pain. We can do Steve Irwin's here and there, but there is a bloody limit. Give your lady some slack. Appreciate the living fuck out of her for taking that shit. If she takes your stupid shenanigans all day, every day, then give her some fucking slack. It fucking sucks dick to have to deal with it. Gurghh. Frustrated/10
Steve Irwin reference, incase I forget one day.
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Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Samsung Galaxy Note Edge
Isn't that a beauty. It's so slick that I just want to grab one. Only problem, its $1250 without a plan, and $87/month for 2 years with a plan. Insanely ball breaking hahas. Still, not bad to dream right? (Cough)
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Friday, February 6, 2015
Cockroaches...
I hate roaches... They are bloody disgusting. I just saw one while taking a late night pee. I really don't want to deal with them, yet i don't want that fucker to go into my room... So I just got a big, old honey tub and placed it on top of him while he was running away from me. I don't want to touch it.. so I just wrote a sticky note to dad saying, "It is a roach!" and stuck it on the tub. Good Luck with that dad (Y).
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Sunday, February 1, 2015
Just a Usual Update
A lot of things have happened since I stopped blogging on a day to day basis. I guess I should just list them here.
I have things planned out in regards to how I'm going to be doing for 2015. I won't be going to university since I want to become a veterinary vet. Although you only need a TAFE diploma for that career, I don't want to only achieve a diploma. I want to get at least a bachelors degree at university along with some business degrees to help me move up the ranks. So far, I have only found one university that offers a degree for that. UQ only offers the course at Gatton and it is going to be a dual degree. The sign up time was closed at the end of September last year, and it is a semester 1 only sign up. So I have to wait another year. So during 2015, I will work and help out at the family restaurant. I'm hoping to find a job at a pet store since so that I can get to know the products better. It will also allow me to save up money for my Vietnam trip, early next year. I should have a minimum of 5.5k by the end of the year. Since I'm putting in $100 a week and my new account has a pretty high interest rate.
For Christmas, Denne got me a Corsair Gaming K65 keyboard. It's a mini LED, red switch mechanical keyboard and my lord is the sound of the keys tapping heaven to my ears of what.
I got my computer fixed. I got it serviced for $80. When I went to pick it up, I also grabbed a razer kraken 7.1 surround sound headset. My ear JUST fits into the headset. I can't imagine anyone who isn't a tiny person wearing this comfortably.
I started playing Mabinogi again. Its a lot easier to play when you aren't continually lagging and rubber banding (Y). Everything is a lot faster. I'm also becoming quite fond of Neverwinter. Might try out some more games. And might install the old school games that I grew up with. Excited as hell (Y)
Working 4 days a week on average since a lot of our long term workers decided to concentrate more on studies. We are currently short on people and I fill in as much as possible. It might get worse if we can't find a number of people with some experience by the next month. One of our best workers is starting university this year, so she cant work the majorityu of the week like she did last year. This might get a bit chaotic
Got a good number of new clothing
Spending more time at home
I developed a goals system for every month and for a year as a whole. For the year one, it's just a list of things I want to do during the year. Kinda like a bucket list. For the month, it involves money saving goals, things I want to get so that I don't forget, and things I want or places I want to go during the month. This makes sure that I am productive since I don't want to spend my year off from studying as a year to be a lazy piece of shit sitting at home all day (lol). Like Hank Green says, "don't do nothing. Never do nothing. Well... its ok to do nothing here and there, but don't always do nothing." Hahas, his way of saying things with over average emotions with a bit of awkwardness mixed in it is quite lovable.
I got a new bikini, VERY excited to use it.
I am now a C cup (yay to not having itty bitty titties anymore... even though its still on the small side). I went from an 8A/B to a snug 10C within about... 2 years? Maybe less?
Eating healthier! No really exercising since work takes the living shit out of me, but I'm actively trying to eat healthier. More salads, no more soft drinks unless it's a special occasion and a FUCK TONE of water. Like.. so much water that my pee is white. The water makes my stomach look pretty big compared to normal, but if that is going to help me become healthier and lose weight, then fuck it, I'm just going to deal with it for now.
I only just realised recently how different Denne and I are raised. It makes it kinda hard when our morals conflict and when our ideas and ideals conflict. But we are still on the path to understanding each other more =) We don't spend day in day out with each other anymore, it seems as though we both treasure the time we do spend together a lot more since it does seem to make us uncomfortable to not be able to touch each other everyday
That should be it for now. Yay.
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Saturday, January 31, 2015
People Bitching Bout Taxes
Honestly... Sometimes it pisses me off when people bitch about tax. I'm on the fence with taxing, especially when the Australian government can do quite stupid shit with the budgets. But when tax dollars are used for things like health care, medication and infrastructure, then fuck yeah I'm in. If there isn't any tax money, who the fuck is going to fix the gigantic bloody potholes on the streets? If it wasn't for tax dollars, how could your medication cost less than $10. If it wasn't for tax dollars, how would you be able to visit the doctors without paying a fee of $50, or how would you be able to afford hospital stays if you aren't at least a high end middle class citizen. Taxes help the community. It helps people who are struggling get along. Who kind of a blood selfish excuse of a human being are you if you don't want to pay tax for those causes. I obviously will REFUSE to pay tax for those who only take advantage of it, those who do whatever they can so that they don't need to work and still reap the benefits of tax dollars. However, when it comes to improving someone's standard of living, fuck it, take my money. The few percent missing from my pay check every week won't matter much to me at all. What is it going to get me? A pizza? Some maccers? It wont change my life in any drastic way. Yet, it can be accumulated, along with the tax from a handful of others, and it can help pay for life saving or changing medication for someone with a chronic disease. Imagine having to fork out thousands of dollars monthly, or even weekly, just to be able to function normal, or even worse, just to live. With that money, we can have better hospital facilities with better medical staff that makes sure that ever visit is as best as it can be. That money can help people pay for their education. It can give free education to children so they don't have to be shoveling shit as a living.
So why not? Why bitch? You cannot be that selfish.
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Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Its Different
I can't help but feel as though its so different now. I feel as though there is a total lack of intimacy between us and it sucks. I can't help but feel as though something is just missing from the relationship. Maybe everything has become so routine that there is no more excitement in the relationship. There doesn't seem to be any special meanings behind the little things we do, it seems as though it just turned from "They are doing it because I am special to them and because they love me dearly" to "Its just something they do". Because we are so comfortable, it seems as though it went from "I want to spoil them because they are special, I want to go out of my way" to "eh, I'll just do whatever I want to do" without thinking about what the other person needs. It's like the flaw in lone term relationships is being too comfortable. You get so comfortable that you think its ok to sit there and play games for hours on end without thinking about what the other person is doing. If they have anything to do while you indulge yourself in your fun time as they are just sitting in your room. You get so comfortable that you think that no matter what you want, they'd do for you without wanting anything in return. I feel as though we need to wake up here and there and realize that everybody has their own needs. Everyone has their own and maybe different sense of what is a good time and what is a horrible waste of time. Its terrible that two people who love each other dearly can so easily take each other for granted, not carter to the other's needs and refuse to do things that are important to the other. But the sad thing is, you don't really do these things consciously. You don't want to take your partner for granted nor do you want them to be dissatisfied. But these things you do without thinking. You do it because you aren't critically thinking and actively analyzing both your relationship and you as a person. At this point, you need to put a lot of effort into pulling it back up. A lot of effort is needed to get out of certain habits that are straining your relationship. This can range from personality flaws or just bad habits, whether it's utter laziness and absentmindedness or acts of retaliation. If nothing is done, in due time, no matter what you do, nothing is going to change the fate of the relationship.
With that being said, I still can't shake off the feeling that I need to get away. To not give up so much of my time. Maybe things will change for the better.
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Saturday, January 24, 2015
Maroon 5 Marathon
I just listened to Maroon 5's newest song, Sugar. My lord... It's amazing. I decided to go on a Maroon 5 marathon, and I definitely don't regret it one bit.
The first song I happened to come across on my little adventure was 'She will be loved'. It was my very first Maroon 5 song. It reminded me why I fell in love with this band before I fell in love with music. This was a thing that my dad and uncles listened to, it feels so weird to be listening to it and enjoying it as much as I am. I guess its because most people don't particularly like the music from older or younger generations. Iunno I guess I just find it weird.
Its amazing how diverse their music is. They can go from a chill slow jam to a more upbeat and 'modern' song. Fuck, I'm so in love atm I can't even find the words.
Sunday Morning - Maroon 5, 2004
Won't Go Home Without You, 2006
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Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Shopping Haul - Undergarments and Summer Wear
I saved up about $380 dollars within the last 2 weeks so that I could get my computer serviced at U-mart where I bought all my parts from. Firstly, I transferred $100 dollars into second bank account, as I got payed on Sunday, to save money for my Vietnam trip at the end of the year. Then on Tuesday, Denne and I took a trip to U-mart at Milton to drop off my computer. It turns out that it was only going to cost $80 for them to have and look and see what was wrong with the computer. Since I still have my warranties, the next step is free. So, that meant I have money to spare =D.
As we were driving home, we decided that we'd take a detour to Indooroopilly to hit the shops. My lord, has that shopping centre gotten nicer or what. Every time I go there, I can believer how much it has improved. It used to look kinda run down, but now it has a really elegant touch to it. I got to save so much money today it wasn't even funny. So many things were on sale, and boy was I happy. Before I started to work regularly, I never really bought any clothes. I might buy 1 item a month, and even that was rare. I usually wait until I go Vietnam to get clothes because its so much cheaper there. Clothes weren't really prioritized in my family, growing up, so it was never really an issue for me. But now it really feels like a luxury and I am real grateful to be able to have the opportunity to spoil myself here and there.
After I chowed down some ramen, We dropped by Supre since it was right next to the food court. There were a lot of nice casual shorts that I could wear during the summer and at home during winter. So that part is all sorted out. Most of my jeans don't fit me anymore. Most of the ones that don't fit anymore fits my waist fine, but the problem is they either constrict my ass like an 8 ft. python or they don't even manage to go past my ass... So I went from 10+ pairs of pants to about 3. Mum gave me a few of her pants, they fit my ass well, but they were too big for my waist T_T. It makes sense though, most of those pants I've had for over 6 years. I'm finally having a growth spurt?
These pants were 2 for $20. Saved $20 (Y)
Shorts for $10 and a Crop Top for $12
After Supre, we window shopped on that level. We were just chilling, talking and joking about until we pasted this shop. I remember seeing a shop like this a few years hack and I thoroughly enjoyed my experience there, so I took Denne in. He seemed a bit hesitant, though a lot more confused than anything else. I took him to the massage oil section of the shop and let him have a try of some of the oils that they provided. I dropped a small dot of the first massage oil onto the back of his hand to see if he would like the smell. He just looks at me with the drop of oil on his hand, completely confused about what he has to do. Made my day. I thought he would like the 'relax' oil since it usually has a nice lavender fragrance to it. That wasn't the case this time. So after testing the range, he chose 'exotic spice'. The lady working there was AMAZING. She offered tea while we stayed and we had a nice conversation. Turns out, you can even make your own products there. Everything is animal friendly and is all produced locally in Australia. You can chose specific essential oils to mix up to make a hair mask or skin scrubs. I'm excited to return there one day. Definitely a must go. It hits right in the kokoro for my inner hippy (Y).
The massage oil (which is going to last at least a year) and the dropper totaled $17-18
We then dropped by BrasNthings to get some nice underwear ;). I've bought quite a considerable amount of undergarments. Most of my underwear have gone missing.. I don't know why that is. My co-worker suggested that I might have a panty thief and it creeped me the fuck out for a long time. Anywho, I got these there underwear. Denne was really happy with the playboy underwear. He picked them out, and to my surprise they were on sale (yes I had a really lucky day today with sales). These are definitely going to keep the hubby satisfied for a while =)
Pink and Black PlayBoy G-strings were $27+, I got them for $10 each. The more casual one at the top was $20, I got them for FIVE BUCKS.
Afterwards, we went hunting for Ice since I need more knickers. On the day, Denne seemed tired and bored, so I stopped by a news agency and asked if he would want a scratchy to keep himself entertained. He looked happy about that. We walked in, took a look at what the scratchies there, and he ended up picking the crossword one as usual. We then headed towards Ice and I tried on a number of bikinis. I ended up with this one. It was mine and Denne's favourite =) Simple, with a little bit oif funk to it. I struck gold again, it was actually on sale as well (Y). On the way to the counter, I snagged a few pairs of underwear and that was the end of our shopping trip.
Bikini $20+, I got it for $10 This picture doesn't do the bikini justice, I was too lazy <.>
Knickers 3 for $12 (Y)
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Monday, January 19, 2015
People At Inala - Work Rant
Yeah... I need to blow some steam. I love working with my parents. Things have gotten a fuck tonne better between my parents and I because we've been spending a lot of time together at work. We have had more time to get to know each other a tad bit better and to adapt to each other. Anywho. My lord. I don't know why, I feel as though our restaurant attracts all the "special" people in inala. I hear and see the most fucked up shit...
Restaurant Don'ts (FYI)
1. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, take ANYTHING off the tray of a waiter/waitress. The only reason that the x number of objects are not on the ground is because we are BALANCING THE OBJECTS ON A FREAKEN PLATE. When the items are placed onto the plate, there is a specific way that it was placed on, hence there is a specific way to get the items off. If not, it all goes to shits. If you take something off randomly, it will tip the whole plate over. Sometimes, I get people are trying to be helpful, but in that situation, just don't start grabbing it off the plate please.
2. Don't give the server shit if the food comes out wrong. We just take your order and bring it into the chef. We don't make your food, the chef does. Just tell us it's wrong and we will scoot as fast as possible to get it changed for you, we will be really apologetic for it too if you don't act like a total dickbag
3."Well this is how its don't at coffee club/sizzler/maccers/etc, you're doing it wrong!" Everyplace has its own way of doing things, if we did it exactly like coffee club, then what the fuck is the point of opening a shop. We might as well be a coffee club. If you don't like it that we only serve something a certain way, then just don't come back next time, go to the other placed. Its understandable. It's ok to be particular with your food and that doesn't make you an ass.Being a dickhead and causing a scene for no fucking reason is just retarded.
4. Don't make a scene if there is 1 teaspoon of something you don't like in your dish, Just take it out, you aren't going to die. I really don't get it sometimes. People get so insanely upset when there is a pinch of freaken shallots in their soup even though its not even that big of a deal. Even before I worked, I never made a fuss over something that is so insignificant. If you're allergic to something, that is completely understandable because that item is a risk to your well-being. If its not, then wtf? ITS NOT A BIG DEAL
5. "WHY ARENT YOU GLUTEN/MSG FREE. WHY DO YOU HAVE SO FEW VEGETARIAN FOODS? WHY AREN'T YOU VEGAN FRIENDLY? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY OTHER GRAINS OTHER THAN WHITE?" I've had people yell at me for these things. It baffles me to thing of what they're like on a day to day basis. Do they go from restaurant to restaurant yelling and arguing with the staff about why the restaurant doesn't cater to them. That's just fucked up. Especially when you're going off at the servers. Keep in mind that the servers only work there, they aren't the bloody boss and they can't decide what dishes the restaurant sells. So, just don't be a dick
6. Please, for the love of god, READ THE MENU! There are people that come in and ask, "Do you have this, do you have that," and then get annoyed and frustrated at me because I keep saying no. Well, if you actually looked at the menu, you would see that that is all that we serve. If its not on the menu, or displayed anywhere in the restaurant, then we don't have it. Once again, don't get up the servers, we don't decide what to sell and what not to sell. We just take your order and deliver your food, Thats it, period.
7. Just order a blood dish on the menu... please.
"Can I have Special Beef Noodle Soup, without the onions, shallots, and herbs on top. Change the pho noodle to egg noodle. I only want a little bit of noodle, so small size please, with extra meat to replace the noodles. Put the rare beef on a separate plate. Make sure you cook the noodles for a long time as well, I like my noodles really soft. Don't put any of the soup oil into it and I'd like a bit of extra soup. Also put some spring onion heads in."
That isn't even an exaggeration. I'm dead fucking serious. Its fine to add or take 1 or two things. But if you're going to change the whole dish... why don't you just eat at home... I honestly find this so incredibly rude. I've never done that once in my life because I was taught that you're giving the people who are working a hard time. Now I can actually understand the feeling... As a server, we are happy to make sure that the food you eat is to your liking. But there is definitely a limit to this.
8. Don't just walk by and take something from a restaurant. Whether it is cutlery or chairs or whatever the hell you can think of. It's just retarded. You might not know this, but restaurants don't have an unlimited supply of everything. It also costs us a decent amount of money to be continually replacing things that are stolen. We have stupid fucking bogan children come by and take chopsticks. We have old men come by, take our knives to use in whatever way they please, and put it back (while it is dirty) into the cutlery container. Just don't... It's just so rude.
9. Decide what you're going to eat before you call a server over. We have other things to do, and we can't always be standing at your table for 10 minutes for you to decide or argue with other people on what you're going to get. Don't make us stay. Imagine how you feel if the fuckers that came in before you did that. And it ended up taking an extra 15 minutes for the server to get to you and take your order. You wouldn't like that would you. No, so don't do it.
10. Just Don't treat the servers like shit. Until you've actually worked as a waiter or waitress, you can not ever really understand how crappy it feels. Don't lash out on them if you've had a bad day. They probably have had a long day running left and right and having to deal with complete demeaning assholes. So give them a break. I feel that after I've been a waitress for so long, encountering the most retarded people you can possible encounter (inala), I'm always really empathetic towards other servers. I always try and be nice and tip them if I see that they're having a long day. For me, whenever a really nice customer comes in and is very kind to and polite to me, it just makes my whole day better. I always end up thanking them for the hard work, I always show them respect and I'm always sure to smile. It really does make a difference. If a customer is being a real dick to you, it can bring you down so fast. But if someone is being nice to you, it just blows everything away.
Fuck... that feels a lot better. Needed that rant/vent so badly ^^
I guess a lot of these things irritate me a lot because I was always taught to do these things throughout my whole childhood. The moral of the story is just, "don't be a dickbag," and that's it. I feel as though a good number of people aren't aware of the other people around them. We need more empathy and understanding in this world. A lot of these things seems to just be because people are lacking these qualities. I don't know why you need to give people such hard times. I feel so guilty doing it, I don't know how it's so normal to people.
Don't get me wrong here, I love serving people and I'm so grateful for my job. It's just some of the people that drive me insane.
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Sunday, January 11, 2015
Period Blues
Haven't had a period in a long time. My little Clyk (bcp dispensing device) says that it has been 83 days. I remember why i hate periods....
Periods have always been terrible for me. Any textbook pms (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms you can come up with, I probably have it. Shitty cramps that feels as though a unicorn is drilling its horns intomy guts. Crappy bloating that makes me feel as though I need to if I do anytning that is faster than a light jog. My boobs are so fucking sore, it feels like some douchebag is continually rolling his head back and forwards, up and down my boobs. Just touching it hurts. Imagine the feeling you get, a day or so after an intense legs day session at the gym... that feeling while walking up a flight of stairs... yeah, not pleasant. Then in comes headaches, nausea, light headedness, vaginal aches, back aches, muscle pains, random fuzzy moments, insomnia's baby and not to mention the feeling of having to wear briefs (briefs are awful, you will know the feeling girls when you wear another type of underwear, trust me).
I control my emotions unless im left alone. I become insecure about myself and will find every bloody flaw I possibly can. Hence why I used to always keep myself busy so that I don't feel as though im bat shit crazy. After im exhausted and/or don't have anything to do, I (used to) just rather be alone in my room, moping. Its like, "unless you're going to make me feel just the tiniest bit better.... please, just go away :) blood and womb lining is coming from my vagina and my hormones are hurting me both mentally and physically, please for the love of god, dont fuck with me :)"
Man, i am obviously not used to this shit anymore. At least getti g them monthly, i was more accustomed and ready, so i was more in control. Since i get them every 2 -3 months, it feels so foreign and more difficult to handle
Guys are so lucky they dont need to go through this shit, I'm just unlucky as fuck... some chicks don't even have any symptoms.. sigh. Men, you should learn how to make your lady feel more comfortable during her period. Because your chance of encountering a human of the female kind, during the period of her life in which her mucous lining (which is built monthly to potentiall host your little mini me) is actively shedding on a month to month basis, is really bloody high (not pun intened). If you're going to share your life with this female, who will be going through this until she is at least i her late 40s, the you might as well earn the "awesome boyfriend/fiancée/husband" card. Its not that hard if you know what you're doing. Just listening to her, give her her happy food plus cuddles and kisses. Thats it. That is literally it, and she will be feeling a LOT less "i want to murder everything".
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Currently experiencing period blues. Feel so incredibly crappy and lonely. There isn't really anyone that is here to support me, so just got to suck it up. Being brushed off by someone you're seeking comfort from sucks major dick. Just want someone to talk to and hug. Balls, now to comfort myself with THE BIG THEORYYYYYYY!!!!!!! 😟
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