Honestly. Sometimes I just want to tell this certain person to fuck off. It's not that I hate you. I just fucking hate the fact that you only ever bother to contact him whenever you have ABSOLUTELY NO ONE LEFT TO TURN TO! Not a single fuck is given about this human being until you're alone. I don't use people as a last resort. It makes me so fucking angry. Don't use the people I love just for your fucking convenience.
"Just fuck off"
You're really a fool... treasure yourself more. Not only for your sake
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Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Rekindling the flames
Sometimes during relationships, it can feel as though the flames are just slowly dying down. Its a given for all relationships to begin with, its normal for the high of a new relationship to cool down and it is normal for a couple to become comfortable. However, when arguments, disagreements and fights are involved, it really takes a massive toll. Intimacy slowly fades away, along with the passion (and smexy time) to welcome in anger and despise. Its hard to repair these things ... really really hard. Sometimes you just want to tell the other person to fuck off and just end it. Sometimes you are completely clueless on what actions are needed in order to take a step in the right direction. Its hard to not be clouded in the negative aspects, and with that, it just drags your motivation to continue down even further than it already is.
I started trying to put more effort into bettering myself, not only for our relationship, but for me as well. After having some time to myself to reflect, I decided that I will concentrate on being less critical of Denne and to work on my temper. Being patient wasn't enough since I always eventually become frustrated.
We have been able to communicate more efficiently lately. Just the two of us, sitting down, talking. No anger, no frustration, no blaming. We were able to go through a lot of things and come to understand things that are way overdue. We were able to tell each other how things have made us feel and how we would like things to be dealt with. We were able to tell each other why we reacted the way we did to things. Every time we finish one of these conversations, we cant help but want be within each other's embrace. We hug each other tightly and remind each other how much we really do want it to work. We remind each other how much we treasure and love each other. Things are looking up. I'm excited to see where it goes.
Late as fuck post. I had an idea of what I wanted to write in the beginning but I completely went off course.
Denne and I had a really intimate moment yesterday. After we talked things out, we just chilled and watched videos on youtube. I couldn't help but stare at him and zone out. I started to feel the butterflies in my stomach as he slowly shifted his gaze from the screen to me. Our eyes locked and we exchanged smiles. I nervously looked away for a second to contain my composure, but something about the mood made me look back at him. From there, it felt as though something was slowly pulling us together. Neither of us said a thing, but we seem to know exactly what to do. It took just a few seconds for our lips to lock, though to felt like an eternity. Every second made my heart be faster. We both took our time, kissing each other slowly and gently. It felt as though the flames were rekindled. Every breath he took, every second we were close made the butterflies flutter even stronger. We haven't kissed much at all lately. I can't remember the last time that we kissed like that. Its been so long since my heart has raced that fast. I haven't felt so flustered for such a long time. I didn't want to let go of him. I just wanted to stay in his arms and listen to his heart beat as I fall asleep.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore lol.
No matter what happens, somehow, we will always find our way back.
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Monday, December 22, 2014
Treasure
"Treasure what you have before you lose it," is a pretty common english saying. I don't think there is anything more true than that (there probably is something a fuck tonne more true lol). There is a similar Buddhist teaching to this. Essentially, it says, "Learn to appreciate and treasure the things that are currently in your possession. If you appreciate, treasure and pay more attention to what you desire but do not yet have, not only will you undervalue what you have now, you can also risk losing it. Once you lose it, you will experience suffering (grief/sadness etc). So don't keep your eyes fixed on what was and what could be, focus on what is."
Work hard today for a better tomorrow
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Friday, December 19, 2014
It's Difficult
Life can be difficult. Our parents are probably sitting there shaking their heads and facepalming as we- the young adults of the 21st century - complain about life being difficult. For kids that are currently living in a country that isn't of their parent's origins, obviously our parents lives were bloody difficult. They had to go to a completely different country with no understand of what the fuck is going on. Not understanding the language, the culture and the way of living in a completely foreign country where you have no bloody idea wtf ANYONE is saying is terrifying to me. I believe it would have been for them, though I can yet to fathom the extent of these stresses. I find university difficult, even though I have been speaking and studying english for all my life, yet my dad managed to go through university with relative ease (accord to him) when he had only had 2 years of english under his wing (armpit). How... wow
We kiddies obviously did not have it as hard as our parents, however, I don't feel as though that gives them the right to belittle our stresses. For a good majority of us kiddies, being smashed in the face with having to decide what we will have to do for the rest of our lives is really bloody daunting. We are giving so many different messages. We are told to follow our dreams and do what makes us happy, yet we are also told that it is rare for people to succeed doing it that way and that we should go to a job that gives a certain amount of money. Its hard to decide which side to choose. Both gives a reason to why the other is bad and why it is good. Both makes sense and both have its pros and cons.
Stumped...
Looking into the future frightens me.
Hang on tight.
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Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Shooting Star
We were fishing today when a meteor decided to smash into our atmosphere and go down burning. It was the first time Denne saw a shooting star, he seemed quite excited. I quickly made a wish and we continued on with our day. Honestly, even though I know exactly how it works, I still amazes me. I have to admit. It was beautiful, despite the fact that it only lasted for a second or so. It flew down from the sky, catching fire and achieving a tail that transitioned from white to red then to blue
"I wish that Denne and I can come to be more understanding towards each other so that we can live a happy long life together"
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Tuesday, December 2, 2014
The Butterflies Return!
I started to read a bit of manga again, just here and there, but my lord the butterflies. Iunno, I've always had a thing for manga guys.. bloody oath I sound like a creepy. Romance manga really tickle my fancy. The tears flow and the butterflies flutter. My heart can't take this x-x I guess the reason I loved (and love) reading romance manga is to experience the butterflies again. Its quite an addicting feeling to be honest, and its not like we can feel it often in daily life, so yay, MANGA! Maybe I'm a bit too good at putting myself into the story, hence every scene feels as though I'm being swept off my feet. Haven't gotten to feel it in real life for over a year or so. Completely forgot what it felt like. This post just got really weird ...
Zero... why must you be so hot x-x
Nowaki... aaahhhhh... aahhhhhhhfag ldfjghsf
Leo being tame... ghhksjhlfgjfhg how is it possible for something to be so cute...
Kurosaki ... HOOOOWWWWW!!!!! DFHDLKASGLKHGHIERY *squeals like a little girl*
I noticed that all the character that i have a crush on has really bloody long hair... I hate that irl though... it looks like a retarded greasy mob of a hairstyle in real life.... why... why only in mangas!!!!
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Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Self Respect
I guess mum was right. I should start loving myself more. I should respect myself more and have a stronger backbone. I shouldn't be so easy with things and I should ever give someone too much of me because then I'd expect them to treat me the same and show a degree of appreciation. I am pretty stupid aren't I. I really should start making more plans for myself rather than trying to reserve my time for someone else and I should stop putting my needs after someone else's. I need to stop making this person the utmost biggest priority in my life, since I've been shown, many times over, that it is not something that they will always do like I do. Putting my exams after that person ... I really am stupid.
These holidays are definitely going to be period of self discovery (yay)
I'm especially looking forward to spending more time with mumzies and porky. They are increasing become more and more involved in my life and in ways that I couldn't even imagine. Oh, I forgot the mention that I've gotten a bit closer to Peter again. It's really nice =). Probably might go clubbing with him sometime this holiday.
Current plans for post-examination activities\
Meet up with Sam on the first day release of pokemon generation 3 remakes
Go play pool with Peter (H) from university
Go pool and play table soccer thingo with Porky, Peter (L) and Uncle Wee
Go beats club with the fabulous Michael
Also want to go chill with Auntie Thi, Tracey and the Exchange student
Exercise and diet to get my 41kg body back for summer
Work and take over for Daddy so he can have more rest days. The dude has been working real hard for a while now. He deserves to go chill more =). I want to work at least 3 days on the holidays
Spend more family time!
Volunteer for shelters and animal clinics
CHRISTMAS PREPARATIONS! Its is going to be an amazing christmas =) I'm going to post more of the christmas plans when I have time. I'm really excited.
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Saturday, November 8, 2014
Life is Giving Me Lemons
Life has been shipping me a constant supply for lemons. I feel as though there are a few dozen crates at the moment. I feel the need to go catch with porky again. Recently, I've decided that I hated science. Not in that way, I love science and science has continued to make my life colourful, however, I feel as though I don't have the capacity to find a position within the research field. I have so much respect for those who are on the front line. Discoveries are made daily, and my mind is blown daily. However, I don't feel as though I can go through university as a bio-medical/research scientist and keep my sanity. I want a practical job, where I can be around the things I love. I want a job where my brain juices don't evaporate.
It was really hard for me to decide, considering that I really didn't have a clue in regards to what I am passionate about. After spending some time fishing, and having to to myself to think, I now know that working with animals and caring for animals is something that I definitely want to do. I always talk to Denne about fostering various types of animals when I get my own home. I always talk about dogs, cats, bats, otters, ANIMALSS!!! Denne really things that this is something I should pursue. I really wanted it too, however.... LEEEEMMMOOOONNNNSSS!!
The lowest qualification you can get is through TAFE, certificate III or IV in veterinary nursing. That is usual way to get there. I really don't want to only have a TAFE qualification. I want to do something and achieve something relatively high in my life. At least a bachelor degree of some sort. However, the only thing I can really find at the moment is at the University of Queensland in Gatton. Gatton, aka, 1 hours drive away. With that in mind, I wanted to have a massive search for courses after finishing exams. I planned to do that, along with getting work experience under my belt with volunteering at shelters and looking for work experience at clinics.
I thought I had it all planned out for a few weeks. Then I found out that the job has really bad pay. Maximum being $25 for senior/experienced nurses. Average weekly pay is under $800 and yearly wage usually is $35-$45K. The money isn't really a problem, that is until I think about it as a career and a way of living. My goal is to be able to make enough money to live comfortably, be able to give my children a comfortable life and to be able to give to the poor. I don't think its possible to do that with such a pay. I don't want to use 3-4 years of my life and a piss-tone of money, just to make around $20 (give or take) an hour...
Lots of bloody lemons atm, making those into lemonade is going to be a bitch, I don't even know where to start. Can I somehow sell these lemons .-. ~sigh
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Friday, October 31, 2014
Manta Fucking Rays
Manta Rays.... Holly fucking shit. This guy blows my mind.
Manta, a genus within the elasmobranchii subclass that is shared with cartilaginous fish such as sharks and sting rays. Manta rays are one of the larges animal within the subclass, alongside the gigantic whale sharks and the derpy looking basking shark. The largest measured manta ray is a Griant Oceanic Manta Ray (Manta birostris) that was 9 meters long. THATS A THREE FLOOR HOUSE!!. Imagine swimming next to that thing. They average around over a tonne! They have the largest brain to body weight ratio of any species of fish that we know today.
Though they are in the same order as sting rays, they have NO STING! They are essentially harmless. Manta rays, despite their gigantic size, they mainly feed on plankton. They spend hours feeding to consume around 30 kgs of food a day.
Manta Rays are awesome ><
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Sunday, October 26, 2014
Angry
I'm so angry at the moment that my hands wont stop shaking. I'm so angry that I always hear the same thing. I always hear, "I'm sorry" for things that happen over and over again. You keep saying sorry .... just to hurt me in the exact same way... how do you expect me to be patient and wait for you?...
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Looking into the past
As I lay in my bed, having problem sleeping (yet again), whilst having shitty premenstrual syndrome symptoms, I decided to look back on the blogs that we both wrote when we first met each other. Side note: I haven't had a period in a while since I can decide when to take a break from my birth control pills. Obviously I would choose to have a longer period of no bleeding from my lady bits. But with that, I'm not used to the symptoms anymore. The symptoms are definitely not as bad as they usually are when I was off the pill, however, definitely not used to it yet. Switching pills have made me feel kinda groggy (yay).
Anywho, reading through the blogs really gave me the tingles. You know that feel you get when you're all giddy, butterfly in tummy tingly and just asjdghakldfjghladjkfgh.... yeah that feeling. These are probably the things that really killed me.
"Kitties are hard to figure out, Are you doing well?"
"Meow. I'm lost, help me?"
"Pretty Keen"
(For dates)
"Zero is gone for good only Leo is left :3 Let me show you that Kitty"
"Guys be looking at her left n right, don't touch unless you want to feel my fangs"
"Been crashing gfs house after work from time to time, feels different in a sense because she'd be like how was your day and i be like how was hers and what not."
"Light as a feather"
"I'm a machine"
"Work so crappy lately, lifting sheets of metal day after day pushing for the weekend so i can see my kittyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ARUGH"
"Love is one hell of a drug, shit is super addicting but its funny cause I remember one day I was told to not give a fuck about it, then nek week, I find a chick I click so well with, the odds huh"
"Post 158"
"I feel so loved ns hit its awesome. Got a hand made teddy from my girlfriend :) When I first saw it, I thought it was bought from a shop. Like shit... this is one hell of a present haha, really really happy :) :)"
"You are mind and I am yours.
Don't forget that"
"A super cute girlfriend who is super awesome/amazing"
"Breaking down the walls and taking the mask off"
"Her sleeping in my arms so quickly just makes me go nuts.
I always thought they were uncomfortable as fuck but when she says 'its the perfect groove for me' I just go wow...."
"Feels amazing when she's by my side, I throw all my worries out the window every single time I see that smile and face. Hell, even if I were to describe how much I loved her or how much she meant to me, I couldn't. I've tried over and over again to think of something but all that comes out is I really x10000 love you and you don't even know how much you mean to me"
Hoenstly... all of Post 163 .-.
"All I had to get me through the day was looking forward to seeing my girlfriend at night"
"did you know I was a magician?"
"Mine mine mine mine"
"Other times you would think that you aren't catering to me properly and what not but honestly, you don't need to at all. The things you do for me right now just makes em the happiest guy in the whole entire world. Just seeing you and hugging you makes me feel all fuzzy and warm."
"Honestly, spending time with her is the best, the more we bond the more we want to stay by each others side, shit is cray.|
Post: Line up
Especially: "From then on out, I felt a small spark"
Post: Believe in the heart of the cards
Especially: "I knew what I wanted and that was her"
"I have been writing about her a lot these days but honestly that's what I care about the most and I'm positive that isn't going to change anytime soon"
Thats not all, but it is getting later, so I'll end the post here. I treasure you more than anything, and I think I've shown you that I would go through thick and thin for you. I hope you understand that I love you dearly and that I love you with all my heart, Lets work together towards and happier, brighter and more fun filled future together ^~^
(this post has gotten me so damn emotional)
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Sunday, October 12, 2014
Weight Gain - Its all about that bass, bout that bass!
Honestly, weight gain isn't too bad... I like it that my boobs have grown! I can't cup my boobs no matter how much i squeeze the living shit out them. No matter what angle, no matter what approach, no possible way. I cant cover my boob with both hands no matter how hard I squeese it either =D That's bloody awesome! My butt has also grown. The jiggle game is real bro. Denne has developed this thing for tapping my butt... over... and over... and over... and over again. Whenever he is in the mood, he taps my ass to the beat of a song and screams the lyrics.
When I finish university (in around a month), the toning and making money is top fucking priority. Sexy summer body, here I come. I want a nice pair of thighs and a tight, jiggley gluteus maximus!
Look Denne! Your favourite gstring colour!
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Friday, October 10, 2014
18th Birthday
I have to say, that was one birthday that was spent in a bloody awesome way. I spent the morning playing Sims 4 that Denne got for me. After he finished his university things at around 12/1pm, he dropped by my placed and we played simple two-played games on my little brother's tablet. It was one of the best quality time session we have had in a long time. I laughed so hard that my stomach was about to develop bang spanking sexy abs. I was incredibly happy, super super happy. Afterwards, I went back to my Sims game while Denne had a nap. Simba wakes him up way too freaken early in the morning lol.
I created a character for myself and Denne. We ended up getting pregnant... and our first kids were a pair of twin girls... TWINS. The next one was also a girl, but then we got old LOL. Its creepy how much Denne's character mimics him in real life, Denne found it hilarious obviously.
Around noon, mum got home with little Quangy. Mum and I both started to wash the dishes together and as Grandma and Grandpa come over. They Lixi me $100... that was crazy. It wasn't the money that made my day, it was the fact that my grandparents seemed to have approved of Denne. They were talking about us study so that we can have an easy future together, and that they would help with the money when it comes to our wedding. My heart skipped a beat thinking about it lol. After talk with grandparents, we (mummy, Quany, Denne and I) went shopping at Indooroopilly for a present.
Mummy got me a Polaroid camera set.
I thought this case was pretty awesome! The flap is detachable! You can just detach the front flap and take photos without having to take the camera out.
Black and leather and sexy =)
Denne got to drive mum's car. He thought it was a really nice and smooth ride. Glad he enjoyed it. After dropping home, we switched to Denne's car, and he drove me over to Peter's house. Peter and I went to Sunnybank to have ramen. I got to enjoy a nice slow, freeeeee ramen and it was the BEST. Soup was so rich I was melting. We talked a crap tone and I thought it was really nice. We haven't talked in person like that for a long long time, and it made me even more happy.
ALSO! Porky and Aunty Thi also gave me $100 ... I feel so spoiled... I gotta visit them soon to say thank you.
Spend much needed quality time with BF - check
Spend time with BF, Mum and little brother - check
Grandparents talking about future wedding - check
Reconnect with Cousin I haven;t really talked to properly in years - check
Grandparents, Uncle and Aunty spoiling me - check
Awesome new present - check
Had a lot of fun during the day and with the present - Check check and check =)
An amazing day.
I know it wasn't the typical 18th birthday party, where you drinking until you don't even understand your own bowel movements and then go clubbing afterwards. however, I couldn't have asked for anything better than this =)
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Thursday, October 2, 2014
Why I Fell in Love With You
I fell in love with you because you spent so much time with me. It wasn't just time spent being within each other's vicinity. We spent so much quality time together, just you and me. I didn't call in love with you because of the money you spend on me. I didn't fall in love with you because of the food you get me or the endless numbers of car rides you have give me. It's not even because of this heart shaped ruby pendent, encircled in white gold and diamonds that is hanging around my neck or the pandora bracelet around my wrist. If you don't remember, I fell in love with you when you yourself felt as though you were and had absolutely nothing. Don't you remember?
You asked me,
"Why me? I'm a bum, I don't have a job, I don't do to school, I don't have anything, Why did you choose me?"
Why did I fall in love with you?
I fell in love with you because you gave me your time.
I fell in love with you because you were different
I fell in love with you because even though 'you had nothing', you still had plenty to give. Whether it was a ten minute cruise, a date at mount cootha or a late night run to the park.
I fell in love with you because you made me feel as though I was the most important person in your life.
As corny as it is, I love you so much, words can't even begin to explain. I hope you can understand where you need to focus your energy as we go begin to learn to love each other's flaws.
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Friday, September 26, 2014
Sometimes you just need to learn to give up
Sometimes you just need to learn to give up. When you have tried everything and talked a thousand times, and things always stay exactly the same. You just need to learn to give up, shut up, and take it. The other party obviously does not care anyways.
Whatever I suggest going, you most commonly say, "We don't have any money." But when its with someone else, money is never a problem. Think about how it makes me feel.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Productive
Well, this has been a busy week. though I have been stressed and a lot of relationship problem related things happened last week, I'm actually feeling a bit happier. I was about to get a lot of work done and I was about to finish assignments early. It made me feel quite happy and proud of myself, though I don't know how long it is going to last. September has been an extraordinarily busy month. So many assessments and so many reports. Being a bit more productive with university work has filled my mind with things and no letting the negative thoughts I've been having cloud my day.
Work work work
Coffee coffee coffee
Work work work
Submissions submissions submissions
Chill, eat like a pig, chill
Work work work
MOOOOREEE COFFFEEEEEEEE
COFFFFEEEEEE!!!
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Sunday, September 14, 2014
Dates
I honestly really miss all the dates we used to go on. When we dress up a bit to go out. When we took our time and talked to each other, told stories and just chilled in each others arms. It was nice that we used to go out and stay out, rather than just going to a restaurant to eat and then immediately going home. I'm probably being selfish and demanding, but its hard not to miss it. Oh well.
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Light
Things have been so dark lately. Sometimes it's so dark that you yearn for even the slightest glimpse of light... and sometimes it feels as though standing in front of a moving vehicle is the only method in which a glimpse can be achieved.
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Monday, September 8, 2014
Birth Control
Well... I didn't particularly like the conventional birth control pill that I was taking. I'm stressed out a lot and it didn't seem to make it any better. It regulated by menstrual cycle that usually can go anywhere from the usual 28 days to crazy 45 days, but that happens with pretty much all birth control pills. I felt quite bloated around the times that I was on the placebo pills and the last period I had was very painful... like before I started taking them. Soooooo, I decided to switch to a different brand. I am now using this beautiful thing:
Oh my lord is it useful... It alarms you when you need to take the pill (what tine). It tells you have late you are on taking the pill and past a certain point it will tell you if you need to take 2 pills to compensate for missing a pill. There is this little icon that tells you if you need to use another form of contraception to be safe and not get pregnant. There is a dispenser thing that drops out a pill for you, omg it is great.
Obviously this is going to cost more.. a lot more. Levlon costs about $16 for 4 months and this new one.. bloody hell it costs $30 per month. My auntie in law introduced me to it. She was so generous enough to give me her spare dispenser and 3 months worth of pills. I hope this one goes will since its so expensive. The concentrations are smaller and more controlled, so I hope no side effects pop up =)
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Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Just Take It
"Stop trying to change things, it obviously never works no matter what approach you take. No matter how unfair or how unjustified it is, stop fighting. Just be quite, nod, agreed and take it as it is. You won't have the constantly hurt. Just take it as it is. You don't deserve more anyways"
Sometimes life is cruel. But your will can be the most cruel of all
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Hello World - Update
So, I've been busy, under the weather, and feeling overall shitty for the last two or so months. Finally found some motivation to do stuff and its slowly picking up. Its nearly 2am, so I'm just going to do a short summary (yay)
I caught up completely with both BIOL1040 and PSYC1020 in 1 day (separate days). BIOL1040 there was about 6 hours worth and PSYC1020 had about 9-10 hours worth. Those were some long... long... long.. long days. Now for my other two subjects.... so much regret you don't even know.
I haven't used a glue stick so much every since grade 7 LOL. I gotta admit.. its really fun. I realised that my psychology class has a lot of diagrams that were really useful. I usually draw my diagrams because it gives me more time to absorb the information and a visual cue gives me a better and more solid understanding to biological concepts. So I just snip it out and glue it in =3 I need to buy another one of those tiny little glue sticks... so adorable .-.
September is going to be a really busy month for me. At least one piece of assessment is on every week for the next 4 weeks. I'm just glad that mid-semester break is going to start on the 29th. October is really empty since two of my subjects have BARELY any assessments at all. So I can enjoy my mid-semesters. Just hope that Denne's mid-sem would be free too. I really want to go somewhere special and reconnect again (deeply that is - just realised how suss that sounded but fuck it)
I have changed my room arrangement yet again.
I've implemented a system that I really like and I have to admit.. I am really bloody proud of it. Hope it will keep me organised. Until the end of the year. If the system works out, I will probably stick with it for a long time. Its so colourful, so fun to set up and its fun to stick to. I'm probably going to take a photo of it tomorrow when I'm free.
Motivation - I've obviously been pretty bummed for a while now due to relationship problems, being completely overwhelmed by university and not knowing where exactly I'm going with my life. I found a bit of motivation that I've been living off for the last week. Random boost of energy and will has got me to finish a lot of things that I thought I wouldn't have been able to, and I guess that alone has really gotten me more motivated. It feels so nice to cross days off my calendar and cross tasks off.
POKEMON!!! Well, I trained a pretty much perfect special attacking ninetales and I am blood happy. Ninetales (female) is a sexy beast that destroys everything in it's path (so far) LOL. It took me a total of 4 hours (over a span of 2 days) to breed a hidden ability (drought), 5 perfect IV. modest natured ninetales. Then it took me around 30-50 minutes straight to EV train to to; 252SpA, 252Spd and 4Hp. Then went on an adventure to acquire the TMs I needed and taught her Solar Beam and Substitute. Leveled her up and evolved her with a fire stone, got Flamethower through leveling and went heart scale hunting to get her to remember Nasty Plot. Happy =D
POKEMON!!! I breed a hidden ability, 5 perfect IV Dratini a while back... planning to finish building myself a Dragonite. (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY)
POKEMON AGAIN OMFG!!!!!!! I'm so excited for the new Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire to come out. Its the generation remake versions of one of my favourite pokemon generations. I'm just so damn excited you don't even know. Apparently if you pre-order now, you get a free Mega Groudon or Mega Kyogre figurine... I know where my next paycheck is going to magically disappear to....
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Friday, August 22, 2014
TRUE LOVE (A Doctor’s note) Must Read !!! - The Mirror Post
Oh my lordie lordie lordie. I couldnt help but break into tears, what a kind hearted man.
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Thursday, August 21, 2014
Awkward Laundry Time
Well, I decided to help out around the house and do some laundry today... It ended up being 3 completely full loads. My washing machine can take a lot of clothes. Bloody hell that took a long time. Anywho, mum decided to help me hang one of the batches. It so happens that it was the batch that was mainly filled my my clothes. I found it so awkward hanging up my g-strings in front of mum. I've started to wear g-string a little over a year ago. It just find them to be so crazy comfortable. No stretchiness, no wedgies, not underwear lines, no butt creasing to the point where each butt cheeks looks like a w, no ugly crease lines from the elastics, plus, it looks sexy =3 I can bloody go on and on and on you don't even know.
Mum knows that I wear g-strings, but I dont know why, it just felt so awkward when I was just hanging my panties next to hers. It was a weird weird weird few minutes.
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Sleeping
I have this thing for sleeping naked... well, close enough. I have underwear but close enough lol. I don't know why. Its just that feeling of freshly shaved legs, lotioned butt cheeks and all on the sheets, sooooooo nice. Silky smooth <3
People of the Male gender... you guys are so lucky to be able to sleep naked with ease.-. I'm so envious you don't even know LOL. ITS OK GIRLS! YOU CAN SLEEP FREE AND TOPLESS!!! ITSSSS OK! Tell social gender norms to go fuck itself =3
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Saturday, August 16, 2014
Interesting Page
I found a page that made me kind of grin. Not sure if it was a good or bad grin thb. Maybe it was in between?
You get home from work three hours after your husband. When you walk in the door, you find what appears to be a small Armageddon in the living room. Dishes are still in the sink from three days ago, the laundry is piling up and ... what the fuck is that smell? Did someone hide a body in there?
As you pass your husband, who is sitting at the kitchen table, meticulously painting the intricate scales of his pewter wizard/dragon combo miniature, he welcomes you home and asks, "I'm starving. What's for dinner?" When you wake up from the ensuing rage blackout, blood and human hair matting your clothes, you discover that the eastern half of your town is gone. Just ... gone.
It's been going on for years, and it just gets worse over time. He acts like a 14-year-old, and you're his mother. You didn't want another child, you wanted a husband. You're so sick of doing chores while he does hobbies, and it's not goddamn fair. Why can't he just get up and do one lousy load of dishes? Just once? No asking. No bragging afterward, like he just donated a kidney to a dying man. Just get up and be a goddamn fucking adult!
#4 Being Up Their Ass
How It Ends
You've been talking to your boyfriend for over 10 minutes, and the most response you've gotten has been "Mmmhhmmm" and an occasional annoyed glance away from the TV when some cheap bastard snipes him from across the map. You put your foot down and ask, "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" He shoots out an irritated sigh and repeats your last two sentences back at you like a court stenographer with roid rage, adding, "You cheap, cheating motherfucker! How does he even see me from back there?" Pissed off, you leave the room and call your mom to vent.
Later that night, you walk up behind him while he's pecking away at his computer and put your arms around him. He casually turns his cheek for you to kiss, never taking his eyes off the screen, and doesn't even appear to notice when you walk away. You're going to bed. He's not.
This has been going on for months, and you just don't understand how it got this way. He used to be so affectionate. You held hands everywhere you went. You'd lie around on the couch together and watch movies. You'd kiss and say "I love you" two dozen times a day. Everywhere the two of you went, you crop-dusted crowds with a sickeningly sweet, kissy-face vapor trail that left entire sections of town bent over and vomiting bile. What happened?
The first one really makes me want to murder someone. With the last one, its probably about time I start spending time on my own rather than trying to do whatever the fuck I'm doing atm. Probably going to start to spend more time with Peter, Michael and the new guy I met the other day. Its nice that UQ has a few down to earth people. Been talking to Peter quite a lot lately. I'm amazed about how much I opened up to him about the depression thing. Its nice that I'm not being given shit for it for once.
Ps. I don't really get what this unintentional lying shit is, but there's been an awful lot of it lately.
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Ekka Holidays
Well, tomorrow students get a day off to enjoy Ekka. Denne just bought about $100 dollars worth of fishing gear during his 2 hour break today, so I suggested we go fishing for our day off. So yeah. Looking forward to that.
"I'll get everything ready tomorrow. All you need to do is be ready to go yeah? Sweet dreams, sleep in ok princess?"
My heart kinda skipped a beat .-.
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Monday, August 11, 2014
Make It Work
"You mean everything to me, I really don't want to lose you"
I have not been so happy to hear something for such a long time. It feels as though quite a decent amount of tension was lifted.
"This can only be as good as we both make it Guess sometimes its gonna hurt (yes sometimes its gonna hurt) We can be as happy as we want to be girl But we gotta make it work We gotta make it work..."
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Friday, August 8, 2014
Genetic Pedigrees and Sulkiness
Denne came over around 10 am today because I wanted help with genetics. He first page he opened up to had to do with pedigrees so I taught him how to distinguish between the different types. It was a challenge, but it was fun. It seemed as though he was enjoying it though. He seemed quite happy-go-lucky and cheery, constantly laughing while he was trying to grasp the concepts. He finished just in time for him to go to university. He left and about 2-3 hours later he came home. Denne came into my room right behind me. I lay on the bed, leaning against my bed frame, He went into full sulk mode whilst putting his head on my lap and wrapping his arms around my legs. As he hugged my legs like a body pillow, he sulked about being hungry. He refused to leave the bed and come to the kitchen so that he can choose what he wanted to eat.
After 5 minutes of whining (in the most adorable way possible), I finally gave in and proceeded to go to the kitchen to fetch him some chips. He then refused to eat unless I fed him .-.
Again, I eventually gave up to his bloody adorable sulkiness... I sat back down, he lay on my lap and wrapped his arms around my legs again as he started to play his phone games. I tired so hard not to die...
Honestly, I'm feel quite blessed to be able to see this side of him. I'm happy that I'm one of the only one that can actually see him he sulky and childish. The look on his face really kills me. Being able to make him have such a carefree and happy expression means the world to me.
I hope I can learn to take care of you better, be able to entertain you in every single way you like (if you know what I mean ;) ), and be able to make you happier. I hope that I can shower you with all the love you have ever wanted or needed... any maybe even more. I hope that I can show you that you are the absolute world to me.
Our little family.
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Thursday, August 7, 2014
Simba
I should introduce Simba someday... but just for today, I'm just going to talk about something I noticed. He is apparently 5 months old. He is a little over 3 kgs and he is definitely not fat... Denne, I think you;re gonna have a pretty large adult cat in a year or a few more months... Bloody hell he is heavy for his age o-o.
My favourite photo of him. He is just so adorable when he is curled up in a little ball like that, GOD. He's quite adorable, but he is currently going through the "kitten crazies" phase and hes driving Denne insane. He is definitely spoilt though
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ALL DEM FEEELS!
Omg All them feels... Its like a bloody movie. THESE TEARS
I watched the first 10 seconds and I immediately thought, "This video is going to make me cry isnt it..." Yep, it happened, fml. Benji is such a sweetheart, I'm dying. She must have been so, so so so so so so happy. and so blown away. He was so excited about how happy she was that he couldn't sleep after the night happened. How lovable is that. I honestly thought that was so thoughtful of him to do that considering they had just had twins. 1 new born is hard to look after, 2 isn't any better. Its nice to see that he didn't stop putting in effort like most guys would. No wonder they have such a solid relationship.
"I just have one question, how many times did you cry?"
"I think with every note that I read at the venue"
"Really?!"
"Yeah, that's always Benji's goal, to make me cry. I think he thinks that if I don't cry, it's not good enough"
God Damn he sets his standards high O_O Bloody hell. Benji also said something in their vlog they posted a day after the night. It really gave me a lot of food for though.
"A lot of people were commenting, 'you're the best guy, you're the best bf, you're so romantic,' yadi-yadi-yada. It's what I do everyday, that's what's important to me. The once in a while romantic things are great, and obviously Judy is happy. But what I do everyday is gonna ring forever, because that is what will keep her.
He has a really big point. Its about the little extra effort you put in everyday that really matters. Yeah those one off, resource consuming, massive things are amazing, but what is most important is how you treat your significant other everyday. If you think that you're in a more comfortable stage of the relationship and you stop putting effort just because your SO is "yours" , then you may need to re-think your game plan.
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Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Anit-social
It feels as though I've slowly become more and more anti-social, as though I'm retreating back into my shell. I don't really want to associate with people anymore. I'm not sure whether or not its me not wanting to, or me being afraid to. I'm been hurt a lot lately and quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it. Maybe I'm being narcissistic or selfish, I don't know, but who likes being hurt? Its just I'm sick of people being assholes.
I hate it when people use religion, ignorance to be dickheads.
"My religion says that if you're not straight, you're a piece of shit and you're going to hell."
Yay thanx
"I don't know anything about you, but I don't like you. Why? I don't know"
Cough*gofuckyourself*cough
"You won't share your grades with me, you're probably stupid"
I don't like sharing my final grades with people because I don't like the, "I'm better than you" vibe. Whether its coming from me or them. I just don't think its a very nice thing to do.
"You're wearing 'fancier' clothes than me, you're trying to compete with me"
I usually wear what is on top of the pile or whatever I have on hand. I don't bother to "look extra pretty". I just wear what I feel comfortable in.
"You dyed you're hair, you're a rebel gang child and you're trying to get attention"
I dyed my hair as a way to express myself. I don't want attention from it nor do I care for it. I just feel comfortable with my hair like that.
"You're always wearing a pair of beats, you're trying to be cool and look rich"
It's just a pair of bloody headphones... I wear it because I love to listen to music.
"You're trying to get attention from guys because you're always wearing makeup. Always trying so hard"
I wear make-up because I feel comfortable in make up. I have sleeping problems so I always look like the walking dead. All I fucking use is eyeliner to brighten up my complexion ffs.
Honestly sick of society.
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Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Ulcers ...
I've had an ulcer on the gum under my tooth for about 4 days. I just had a look at it today because it started to hurt more. I found out that the two teeth next to the original ulcer tooth each had its own little buddy. So I went to have a look at reasons why your body gives birth to those bloody horrible things. This is what I got.
stress and anxiety - check
hormonal changes - check
considering the fact I've only been on the pill for a few months
5th day of placebo pil
eating certain foods
coffee - A LOT, check
chocolate - check
strawberries - HEAPS, check
peanuts - check
toothpaste additives (sodium lauryl sulphate) - *looks at toothpaste*... check
stopping smoking - nope
Fuck my life lol...
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Sleeping Problems, Waking Problems
If you know me, you know I have a bloody horrible sleeping problem. Most of the times, I lay in bed with relaxing sleep music... then BAM! 3 hours later... STILL AWAKE!
I kinda want to try and implement a new schedule to help me get my shit together. Planning to wake up at the same general time everyday. Ideally, I want to get up at 9am. However, chances are I won't be able to do that straight up. I'm going to give myself to 9.45am to wake up. After waking up, brushing my teeth and all that morning doodad, I'm going to do some for of exercise for a minimum of 20 minutes and then complete my morning routine with a shower.
Now, lets see how long I can last.
"I bet you you won't last very long .-."
(Disclaimer: this is not something that Denne said, its just something that I think he's gonna say. Assumption based on past experiences)
Fuck you, I'm GONNA DO IT... cough*hopefully <.>
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To Go Or Not To Go, That Is The Question
I've been feeling really unmotivated lately. Its kinda shitty waking up in the morning. Well, its hard to even wake up tbh. The alarm on my laptop doesn't wake me up anymore. So I end up waking up late. By the time I get up, I missed a lecture or two. Considering that during weeks 1 and 2, I only have 4 days of university with a maximum of 3 lectures a day, I'm left wondering;
"Should I get up and start getting ready?"
An internal battle starts in my head,
"Ah.. but I gotta do my make up ..."
"Nah its ok, I can do it in 15 mins and leave"
"But I can only make it to one lecture... it takes 1h30mins to get there and back.. I'd be on the bus more than I'd be on campus..."
"Fuck it! I'm going! IM GONNA BE A GOOD GIRL"
"..."
"But the I need to put clothes on... "
"Well..."
And I stayed at home.
Yeah.. that happened
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Monday, August 4, 2014
Let's Stay Together
When I was searching for an image, this one really spoke out to me. Doesn't necessarily reflect on the post.
Its been a few days since we resolved the big fight we have been having. Without going into too much detail about the actual fight itself, I guess I'll just post about the resolve.
Many times, both of us honestly wanted to end it. We kept fighting and getting angry towards why the other is acting the way they are, with minimal efforts being invested in finding out the reason why. It was more:
"why the fuck are you doing this,"
Answer
, "what the absolute fuck?"
Rather than being what it should be. I'm no "pro" at relationships. Heck, I find it hard to control my emotions harder than anything else. Anxiety is a crippling bitch in relationships. I cry easily and I am a person who becomes insecure very easily if you push the right buttons. Yes, the only other relationship I was in, I was in for 3 years. HOWEVER, what I exited that relationship with was fears, insecurities, anxiety, uneasiness towards parties and knowing 'the signs'. Not many things that builds well on myself as a person. I'm not meaning to bash on my ex, its just that that relationship ended horribly and I did not take it very well. Some aspects I was left with, I am still trying to learn to overcome today.
Sometimes I find it hard to overcome things when I can't find any sympathy from my SO. I was angry at him for not being able to show any empathy and for not understanding how I felt. He was angry that I was feeling the way I did and he just couldn't understand why I was so angry. It just kept cycling, and each cycle bought upon more anger and spite towards each other. BOOM, months later, we had a series of fights that made both of us contemplate whether or not this person really was for us.
It boiled up to the point where he shouted, "If I'm hurting you so much, then why do you even stay with me?" I felt as though that was where things took a turn for the best.
"Its because I fucking love you. I've really wanted to just leave you because I feel as though I've lost my importance to you. I just want to leave because it feels as though I prioritize you over everything, when I am only just an option to you. But I stay because I FUCKING love you. I don't know why and it drives me insane. But even through all the hardship, I still express my love for you. I don't know what more I can do to show you that you're everything to me. I do everything for you, I cater to you in every way, whether its getting your favourite types of lingerie to spice things up in bed, or fetching you anything you want and feeding you while you play games. I get you whatever you please, whether its a food that you're craving, or a game that you really want. I only make $10 an hour and I only work 1 day on average, yet I still help you with money problems every since you quit your job. I work whole days, just to get you something for your birthday that I know you would really enjoy. I go anywhere with you, even when I'm not that interested. Just like fishing, I just go because I know its something you love to do. I don't mind just playing around for hours until the early hours of the next day, as long as you're happy and enjoying yourself. What more do I have to do for you, so that you can see how much I do for you.
I said it whilst in a sea of tears, and as I finish, I got out of the car and went towards my door. I'm sure that turn gave him food for thought, as he stayed in my driveway with the car lights on until I went inside and locked the door, rather than speeding off. The next day I asked him why he stayed with me, he replied with:
"I honestly wanted to break it off many times too, but once I let the anger subside, I couldn't find it in myself. I guess my reason why be the same, I just really love you too. You've given me a love that I've lacked most my life (too personal to share this part, its not my place to say why on my blog). You make me so happy and I can't forget how much you mean to me."
It seems as though those two speeches we had really made us both calm down and really reflect. We seemed to appreciate what the other has done more and I realized that I was also taking him for granted to a certain degree. Things got down to a point where both of us were able to sit down in bed together and actually talk. We started off just sitting, and slowly drifted towards laying in bed, tightly wrapped in each others' arms. After two days of talking, we agreed on how to deal with things in the future and how to agrees issues as they come up, rather than leaving them and pretending they didn't happen. We were open to the point where we could even talk about his issue and our intake on it. Things were cleared from both of our sides and heavy loads were taken off.
Turns out that we aren't as good at communicating as we used to be. Money problems have been prevalent for the both of us. I'm trying to support myself without must help from mum (shes already done so much for me, I can't find it in myself to depend on her anymore than I already have) and Denne quit his full time job to start going to university and other crazy things (that I shouldn't mention because its his private life). He became more withdrawn and didn't want to go out because of the money problems and he felt bad for needing to come to me for money.
Honestly, I became quite mad. "Are you serious? Denne, are we in a relationship, or is this thing not serious to you. What am I to you?" "You're my girlfriend|" "Yeah, I'm your girlfriend, your significant other. We are in a relationship Denne. We are sharing a life together, traveling the same road. We go through beautiful sunny days together as much as we do on stormy days. Your happiness is mine and my happiness is yours, just as much as your troubles are mine. We go things together and we do not push the other away. We help each other through no matter what it is."
He was quite for a moment and replied,
"Gomen hun, I'll tell you when something is wrong ok?"
And we proceeded to go through things until there was nothing left to say.
The next day or so, we carried on , trying to rid of the after taste in our mouths. We rassled many times over, rolling around on bed, playing around, only to end up in an embrace. As we face each other, I feel my heart race again. We smile, hug, kiss and ....
yeah, it ends here for tonight. Its 2 am already. Don't mind the typos.
Here's a really good classic. There is more of a modern RnB feel to this cover, but its cool.
Al Green - Let's Stay Together (1971)
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