When People Reveal A Side of Them You Didn't Expect
When people reveal a part of then that you didn't expect, it's like "holly shit"
Yesterday and today have been full of misunderstandings of our plans. Because of that, we're left just sitting around doing nothig, and falling asleep and wasting the limited time we have on this stupid world. It has caused frustrations and annoyance between the both of us. That isn't really that surprising though. What surprised me was what he said.
Well long story short, after a debate about going or not and what was and wasn't said, we reached the point where Denne pointed out that we needed a tackle box and that the only way we can get one is if Kevin came along. I honestly love kevin's company because he is such a funny dude to be around, however I don't want it to be because of that. I said to Denne that I didn't want to invite kevin just because he has a tackle boxbecause that is basically using him. Well, what Denne said here really shocked me.
"Even if it's so, he's just going to give it to use in good will anyway"
I made a point that it sounded as though Denne was fine with taking advantage of that kevin's just because he will give it to us anyways.
He replied, "well that is the only way we can go fishing, unless you have something else you can suggest" (along the lines of that, however the second half of the sentence was a lot more harsh)
From there I just didn't reply and went to spend some time along. I can honestly say that I've been expecting hings to kinda turn out like this... exactly like how it did with Lan lol.
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An Ant's Revenge...
Welp, long story short, I got fucked up by a fucking ant... What happened was, I was eatching Denne and Kevin spare at the back of Kevin's house. I sat my ass down on the ground and pushed my legs from a semi squat position into one where my knees are together and are at a 90 degree angle in front of me. While sliding my feet, I kinda rolled a little ant's ass... and its ass kinda got flattened. The little guy was trying to crawl away when out of the blue, one of his little friend started dashing towards me... next thing I know, it went up my shorts and bit me in the ass...
I'm not gonna lie, that fucking hurt like a bitch, and it continued to sting for quite a while... it stung so bad and I wanted to destroy the little thing skfigosbf. Ant 1, Kitty 0
Well that sucks.
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Thursday, November 28, 2013
Fuck Immature People
Welp, the title says it all. Checked my facebook just then, and damn its annoying when people think they are up there and put shit on other people. If you meet misfortune, fuck whatever then, good fucking luck. I ain't giving a shit no more =) I give up on humanity.
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Wednesday, November 27, 2013
You're Hurting Her Again
Honestly, I think I give too many shits about too many people that I shouldn't give shits about. Hey Denne, I think you get annoyed at me or question me a lot about how I feel towards things, I know. It's funny that, although people fuck me over and stab me on the back, I still hope that they're ok. Although there might be dark kitty at the back of my head being "normal" and wishing for those "Bad" people to rot in hell and bump into misfortune at every turn they take, light kitty usually always overrides those thoughts within minutes. I just want people to be happy, however, it seems as though that is something that is too hard to ask for. Even people like "gods" and "Saints" can't grant something that can be so simple. Admitingly at times I love that karma reflects the shit that people poop out back to their face, it's just that I can't stop hoping for people to be happy.
Yeah, Huy, if you're reading this, fuck your opinions, laugh all you fucking want but that is me and I'm gonna fucking live this way. Fucking call me stupid and moronic if that tickles your belly, I rather be a fucking moron than be a complete asshole that this fucked up world is full of, thank you very much.
Anywho, I intended this post to be in regards to a blog I just read. It seems as though her blog went from;
"I'm so happy"
"He's changed for the better"
"No regret"
"He is my world"
to something like;
"He hasn't changed"
"He changed back"
"I'm scared"
"I cry"
and various other things
I shouldn't even be posting something related to them, I went off facebook for a reason... To get away from the shit that happened because people in this world are judgmental as fuck. It's sad that he was like "you look and act like a slut" and give me the "you're a piece of shit" type of treatment although he can't even do something as simple as treating his girl right... It's sad that I've only work "revealing stuff" like.. 3 times maybe? I can only remember the shirt that shows my belly and the shirt with the cut down the side that I had a tank top underneath. Last time I checked, belly cleavage is pretty normal... Also with the talking about coitus, I at least a month ago (since the "chat"), hence I don't know how that is a problem.
Anywho, although I shouldn't give a shit, it kinda broke my heart a bit to read her blog. Fuck it so sad that its like
"ARRRUUUGGHHH wtf are you going to the people around you?!?!?! Especially her!"
The people who are obviously loyal to you and those who won't give up on you... you're treating them like shit. And the people who doesn't really matter as much in your life, you treat them fucking wonderfully. I don't get it. People you party with you are so kind to them, but you snap at your girl so casually, then act as though you did nothing what so ever. You tell me to get my shit together? What about you? My shit does not directly effect the people that I love anywhere near yours. People think I'm a slut? Fuck them, they can suck a
my my e-penis. I've only fucked my boyfriends, one I was with for 3 years, and the other is the one I'm currently with that I have been dating for nearly 6 months. I have never cheated and have always devoted myself and my loyalty towards my partners. What about you? How many girls have you slept with? How many girls have you kissed? How many people have you cheated on and cheated with? Have you stayed loyal to every person you dated? If you still call me a slut after all that, then I'm sorry, but you need to look in the dictionary and widen your vocabulary.
Anywho, the way you are acting and have been acting has been hurting not only your girl, but also your parents and the people who are true to you. If you want to continue pushing people away and stabbing the people who love you whole heartedly in the fucking chest, keep doing it. But don't wonder why people keep fucking you over and keep leaving you. You have already lost someone in grade 10, who was so damn dear to you in the past because of it, and now you're risking your current girlfriend too. If you keep hurting her like you have been, shes not gonna stay.
But fuck I don't know why I even bother. I bet the second you see this, you aren't gonna even give a shit. You're gonna be the stubborn person you are and continue saying shit about me. Well whatever, do what you'd like. I'm content with my life where I treasure the little friends I have, where I love my boyfriend and devote myself and my loyalty towards him and where I'm always helping my family out.
Also, towards the girl, I hope you can stop crying, I hope that you can stop breaking down and live in fear of what has happened to you in the past and what can happen in the future. I really hope that you can truly be happy rather than pretending nothing happened in order to make things normal again. I hope you can take off that mask that you're wearing. I wish you good luck in the future.
This song came into my head when I read your blog.
Last chance - Kaskade
Please don't break me
Please don't let me fall
Please don't break me and leave me with nothing at all
Cause this was my one last chance to breathe
This is my one last chance to breathe [x2]
This is my one last chance, my one last chance to breathe
Please don't break me and leave me with nothing at all
Cause this is my one last chance to breathe
This is my one last chance to breathe [x2]
This is my one last chance, my one last chance to breathe
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Sunday, November 24, 2013
Hating Is Such a Waste of My Limited Time.
Hey Hun, do you remember that song that I kept humming over and over again? The one that I was completely obsessed with (I think I still am lol)? Yeaaaahhh..
I FOUND A COVER FROM DAVID SO A PAUL KIM!!!!! ERMAHGERD
As you know, David So and Paul Kim are two of my favourite independent artists. Its like EEERRRHHHHHHHHHH *fan girls*
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I honestly don't see the point in hating and creating dramas. I see it as such a waste of time. People are always so judgmental that is ugggh. With me, yeah I judge people, I'm not perfect. HOWEVER, I don't act on my judgments. I don't hate people for their flaws and I don't be an asshole towards them for it. The thing is, because I see that I am as retarded as anyone out there and that I am in no way perfect. I see that I have flaws and I accept my flaws when pointed out by another person. I try and fix things that aren't appropriate as long as the person delivering it is not a complete asshole.
I really love my grandma, she is an amazing person. Living with her for so much of my childhood really taught me a lot. One of the most important things that she taught me, the thing that really defines me is the fact I can't really hate people. Grandma made me understand that everyone is fucked up, no one is fucking perfect. I tend to see peoples flaws very fast, however, I don't judge them on it.
"Good people can do bad things, however, it doesn't make them a bad person"
I tend to judge them on what their positive attributes. Lets say for example, someone is two-faced, cocky, however they can be very supportive towards friends,they are lively and encouraging. What I see of them in my eyes would be, "he/she is a nice, lively person who loves and supports their friends whole-heartedly."
Denne thinks I'm a fucking retard for this I know, but that was just how I was raised. Why is it that I'm like this though? Its because I see that people are flawed as fuck, and that I am flawed as fuck too. Also, I believe in karma. I know I'm not perfect and that I have flaws, I wouldn't want people the be dickheads towards me for my flaws and I rather them tell me straight up if they think something isn't right so I can fix it. Because that is how I would like to be treated, I treat people the same way.
Honestly, now that I think about it, that might be why Denne and I get along real well. We both are straight forwards as fuck, and we seem to have a lot of the same values when it comes to this. We know that both of us are retarded ( you know its true Denne <3) and that we aren't perfect,.We don't blame each other for our flaws and fight over it. because our positive shit is more important. Our positive attributes are what made us come to love each ohter after all. Why ruin something like love with such petty and stupid flaws. It's not like hes a violent, abusive, disloyal douchebaggy
We get annoyed at each other here and there, but shit gets solved in a snap.
Example
*Denne does something*
*I snap*
"Hun, I really don't like it when you snap at like that"
".... *silent*... I'm sorry hun, I didn't mean to. Forgive kitty? (tease)"
*Mwuaah*
Now that I see it like that, fuck I am grateful for his smooshy perky ass .-. Thank god there is someone that actually understands me rather than judge me to the days. Yeah, FUCK... I love him to death .-. It's decided, next time I see him, hes gonna get a big fucking hug from a magical pink unihorn (me LOL). Also, hope hes gonna enjoy just laying there and not having to work so hard... if you know what I mean ;)
This blog wondered off topic lol.
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PINK HAIRRRR!!!!
Welcome! Here's a song that I've always been fond of xD
Davidsomusic's cover to Slum Village and John Legend's Remix of Selfish
"I try to contain myself
But I ca't restrain myself
And I can only blame myself
Maybe I need to get some help
Now what do I do
It's so hard to chose
This ones for you, yeah all of you
I'm calling out to all my, you're my ladies
And I can't let you (let you) be with no one but me baby"
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Welp, instead of waiting for someone to dye my hair white or silver blonde, I decided to get a Notics hair dye and do it myself. So first up it was about 2 hours of doing the blonde dye. I dyed it twice, hence the application, process and rinse time all add up to about two hours. The tips were silver blonde, then from that, it went to blonde and a copper brown. I intended to do this because I assumed that the colour difference would give a better ombre look since I only had the one pink colour. Rather than doing the usual pink to black, I wanted a super baby pink to slowly going a tad bit darker, then into a pink/brown and then black. I made the two different pink tones through mixing the dye in conditioner for a lighter and more pastel look. Although I need to fix the blending a bit (perfectionist ftw... fml lol) I was so surprised that it came out the way I wanted it to.
Welp, my Knight, you're gonna be walking around with a little pink haired chick on your arms. Have fun LOL. Also Hun, I think its so freaken adorable that you sometimes push your lips a bit (ie, returning the kiss) when I kiss you while you're still asleep xD You probably don't know that you do that... but well... you do now!
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Saturday, November 23, 2013
Weird and Unexpected Approach
Well, today, Denne and I went to get his hair cut. Some parts were a bit weird afterwards, so I helped him fix things here and there. I honestly think he looks pree fucking sjkghkdfhjgd in his new hair style xD. Whilst we were at the back of Denne's house fixing up his hair, I took the chance to finish cutting my fringe so it doesn't look as retarded anymore. Thinned it here and there, cut the from part shorter by about 10 + cms. Was happy with how it came out.
Afterwards, we went to hand in my form to TimeZone at the city then visited the salon to get some hair dye while I was at it =3. So fucking excited that I'm about to get my hair a cotton candy pastel hair!! I got to dye the part I want pink into a white colour first. Hope it doesn't fuck up my hair too much though. I was planning to go to the place that Denne always gets his hair cut to dye it. Cost me around $62 dollars. Broke my balls... only those two things and it was $62. I'm planning to get my hair bleached at a salon first, THEN dying it pink myself.
Side note: Jesus... Denne is snoring so loud o-o
Straight after going back from the city, we went to Teddy's place for his birthday. I got to say, I LOVE Teddy's grandma. She started the rounds... The lady opened the bottle of Jim Beam, went and poured a shot for EVERYONE in the room. A-fucking-mazing, she deserves a fucking thrown...I didn't intend to drink, but I couldn't say no to her, so I ended up with 4 shots. Afterwards, I went into Teddy's room where there was about 3 guys and one other girl (all my age). Me and Tram stood behind the computer chair watching one of them play League. Since I'm not really a fan of League, I seated myself on the bed and had a little small talk with the people there. Apparently everyone there knew who I was. I was wtf-ing the whole time.
It turns out that one of the guy there was a certain someone's ex. He said that certain someone (lets just make it CS for short) talked about me a lot, and me and her did when we went out. That also made me what the fuck again, since I didn''t know she was talking to her ex that much. The he continued to go on about how he sees whats been happening and stuff about her calling me a slut. Honestly, all I said was,
"its weird that she calls me a slut when I've only slept with 2 people that I dated. One for 3 years and one that I'm currently in now which is lasting nearly half a year."
Side note: Honestly, people throw around the word slut so much these days without even knowing the meaning... Last time I checked, a slut was a female who is disloyal to their significant others. Those who sleep with more than 1 person at a time, those who cheat and those who two time. I have in now way done that, and ... yeah iunno. I don't get it
Well after that, CS's ex started saying stuff about her. What she did to him and how he was cheated on, two timed and everything. I didn't want to stoop down a level and start bitching about her, so I just brushed things off with, "really?" and stuff like that. There was this last statement where he said that it was funny that she called me a slut when she actually did those things herself, made me go "OOKAAAAAAAAAYY" and end the convo there.
I found it weird that he approached me. Maybe there were other motives behind it? Maybe there was something going on to see what I say or what not. But I seriously did not give enough shits to continue it. Didn't want to let something so petty ruin my day again.
Afterwards, Denne, Leon, Teddy, Kevin, some other people and I played Tekken. It was funny that every time I kill Leon he was like "fdslkghkhgaihg". Honestly think he has a pretty cute personality.
Lots of things happened, but I was pleased with myself that I didn't stick to Dennes side the whole time. I was 100% comfortable with giving him space to hang with his friends. I'd say that less than 40% of the party was spent with him.
Anywho, off to mabinogi!!!!
I FINALLY REACHED CHAMPION ARCHER!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!! SO FUCKING SLKGHLDKGHLKDFHGLDKSFGHLKSDFGHLKDFHG!!!! Trying to work my way to master archer =)
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Friday, November 22, 2013
I Give Up On Explanations - No One Believes Anyways
Welp, today while I was at the restaurant for my little brother's 5th birthday. Since I didn't really have anything to do, I was looking on to Denne's phone as he read through facebook. I saw Anne's post saying something about, "the world doesn't revolve around you." Since shes said that a few times about her bf, I thought something was up, so I went onto her blog. When I went onto her blog, I was like "ok?" because I only saw something about how her boyfriend has changed (in a good way). I read through it anyways since there wasn't really anything else to do. Afterwards, I messaged her on facebook to see if she was ok and needed someone to talk to. She didn't reply, so I just thought, "Oh well, she can handle her own I guess?"
It took me maybe 20 ish minutes of total boredom to realize something. I just remembered about the blog I posted yesterday about my style and how a certain LG or two kept glaring me down after copying my hair. I kinda got glared at again by the same chick that day, and I was like, "Fuck this shit" and blogged it to vent. I looked at her blog again, and she had parts where she changed the colour of her font. I blogged about the way I blog when it came to quotations and colour changes.
That moment, I was like,
"fuck isn't this great. =="
But then I honestly didn't give a shit about explaining myself. I didn't see a point in explaining myself when there was no point in it. Even if I told her that it was a coincidence and I just happened to use that blog format thing as n example since its fucking hard to offend people with it when I only know 3 or so people that blog. But I guess not, YAY.
I kinda give up on maintaining relationships and friendships. I accept everything about my friends because they are my friend. I ignore their bad habits and the shit that they do because in my opinion, that is what makes them them. If I think of it as a big enough issue, I'd talk to them about it. If they have legitimate reasons, then I'd accept that and they can do whatever the fuck they want, taking whatever protocols they want. It's their life after all. All I actually do is give people options/opinions. But oh well, this world doesn't roll that way.
I'm slowly entering that state again where I have no real need for friends. I become numb to the shit around me and carry on with life as it is. Why try to change something that doesn't want to change. Why try and fix something that obviously can't be repaired. I've only lived about a fifth of my life, its not like I won't ever find "friends" again.
Welp, looks like henrii is starting shit up again.
Seriously shut the fuck up. You think bitches copying you? Why don't you stop being such a bitch and keep your little mouth shut. Why the fuck would you complain and rant about people copying your blog? ITS A FUCKING BLOG. Bitch. Yeah you know who this is for."
Awh honey, you're not a slut. I mean, you sure act like one, talk like one and brags a lot like one but hey, not a slut at all.
Thanks, Hence why I don't even try. The word "friends" have absolutely no meaning.
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Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Christmas Present - Denne GTFO
As said in the title, This post will contain my plans for Denne's Christmas present... so if you're Denne and you've opened this post... GTFO =) We made a promise and you better not break it you faggot ( <.> I love you). Anywho, if you happen to know Denne, please don't show him this post, or images from this post, because I've put in a considerable amount of time with the easiest stage of this project.
Now, time for a song.
Tonight by John Legend
"Baby, tonight's the night I let you know
Baby, tonight's the night we lose control
Baby, tonight you need that, tonight believe that
Tonight I'll be the best you ever had
I don't wanna brag, but I'll be
The best you ever had"
Now, back to the main thing =) Well, for Christmas I'm planning to get Denne one of those "sexy Santa" costumes you see from animes. I know he loves anime, I know he LOVES costumes and he loves... yeah =3 you know. And well, all of my presents that I give to my significant other (for such occasions) are all handmade. I wouldn't want to break that now since I already made Denne a teddy bear, hence...
I'M MAKING IT FROM SCRATCH
*Dahnn dahhnn dahhhnnnnnnnnn*
I've already started the first step, getting my designs down on paper... welp, here it is:
I'm bottom 1 although is gonna be a tad bit of a challenge.
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Tears of Happiness
On monday, we were in his bed watching some Sword Art Online. We happened to be watching episode 10 if I'm not mistaken, when he turns around and faced me. As he looked into my eyes, he said,
"Lets get married someday."
I couldn't help but be so incredibly happy when he said that. I cracked the biggest smile and (like those cliche anime scenes) tears started collecting in my tear ducts. I didn't think he'd ever say something like that. To think that he thought that far when it comes to our relationship hahas.
"So stay with me until that day ok?
If anything happens between us, promise to stay and work things out"
"Hai, as long as you're faithful,
I would always be willing to make ends meet"
Well, from there I started to cry. Its been a while since I happy cried, but he truly makes me happy.
I love him dearly.
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I Hope His Friends Aren't Saying Things
Honestly, I really admire my boyfriend. Hes always working so hard to make money to support himself me and his family. Its insane to think that he wakes up at 5.am in the morning to get ready for work. Honestly, if I had to wake up at 5 every single morning to work a 8-9 hour shift, fuck I would be miserable after a week or two. He is always completely exhausted after he finishes work, yet he still smiles and spends time with me. Lately he been more worn out then usual, so we tend to just chil at his house or my house, doing nothing but lay in bed and watch anime, or nap. Work occupies so much of his time, and exhausts even more of his energy that he just wants to chill.
Lately, he hasn't been spending time with his friends, and it really worries me. I'm honestly envious of him for having such a tight group of friends, although I do question them sometimes when I hear the things they say behind one another's backs. To be frank, I always try to convince myself that its normal for people to do so, but I seem to have a tendency to always rid my life of such people. Anywho, back on track, I understand that he is the type of person who is not hesitant to bluntly prioritize things in a way that he seems fit. In his eyes, I am undoubtedly the most important aspect if his life. I'm really grateful for that. For the past month, hes given me nothing but the utmost support as I finish my exams. He dedicated the whole month into making sure that I was ok. Its amazing that he came to understand all my anxieties and insecurities in such a short amount of time. Without questioning or looking down on me, he accepted me for who I am, whether good or bad, weak or strong, and gave me all the support I needed without thinking about himself. He has been so selfless in the last month that thinking about it really makes me feel so damn lucky.
I know he hasn't been in contact with his friend much lately, but now that I finished school, I hope I can make things easier for him. Since my worries are over and done with, I can now cater to him better. I can make sure that he has enough nutrients to make it through the day without becoming a deflated floaty lol, Although I'm only making wraps this week, I intend to work on my bentos, so I can make him a bento for smoko everyday. He can now spend more time with his friends, rather than worrying about me and my welbehing. Denne is so gentle and kind, but I honestly don't know if anyone knows that.
I just hope that his "friends" or some people that he hangs with aren't saying the typical things like, "Hes ditching his friends just because he has a girlfriend," or, "He thinks he is better than us just because he has a girlfriend now." Hope people aren't completely closed minded and judgmental. I've had my fair share of such experiences and I hope he does not have to go through it too. Good and true friends these days aren't so easy to come across.
Anywho Denne, a cute owl gif to start your day, since I know you like cute animals =3
Jesus fuck... those eyes... He looks so incredibly happy Q^Q
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Monday, November 18, 2013
Well, A Lot of Different Things Pt.1
After all this time, I've realized it's you
My hearts a puzzle piece that seems to fit you
and I know I can't promise you this is risk free
but I guarantee I wanna be part of your history
Honestly, this blog was intended for me and maybe a friend or two to read if they are bored to the days. I intended this blog to be like a diary in which I can look back on in the far future. However, lately I've noticed that there is always an absolute minimum of 30 views on each post and an average of 60 visits of my main page. Most of my posts seem to average around 40 ish views, some even reaching over a hundred. Some days I even receive over 100 main page views. I know to a large majority of people, there isn't really a significance, however, it really does get me wondering. It's just that I don't have tags on my posts, and the only place that there is a link to my blog is on instagram. Really, who are the 30 ish people that seem to be reading my posts. How do the people that view my page find it? Its not like anyone really goes on my instagram at all. Anywho, enough wondering on this topic. To the next it is!
Well its 4:23am, and I'm about to start making Denne some food for work =) Yes, 4:23 in the morning. Denne wakes up for work at 5am, since work starts at 6. No, I'm not crazy, future me might think so but oh well. I'm making him a bacon and chicken nugget wrap with sweet chili sauce, with lettuce, tomato and carrot.
Dad was sleeping in the front, so I couldn't give it to Denne, kiss him and wish him good luck at work. Truthfully, what I really look forward to in my day is when Denne comes home, whether it is to mine or his. I welcome him home and hug him.
Welcome Home
おかえり
Okaeri
I'm Home
"ただいま
Tadaima
In this short moment, it feels as though we are in a world of our own. Its as though absolutely nothing, but the fact that we love each other, matters. I know, I'm "wiped" *rolls eye*. But fuck what you think =) I be wiped when I want to be =) I love you Hun.
More blogging later, I all-nighted and I'm starting to feel tired. Blog more later today =)
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Sunday, November 17, 2013
The End
I got this song off Kevin and shit it is freaken hilarious. "Because I got high"
Its finally the end (YAY). After everything happened, its finally done! Good riddance to someone who isn't worth my investments. Anywho, I apparently have a new reader, the certain someone told me that ________ was reading through my blog. Well, Mr _______ , welcome to my world *stretches arms*. Just saying, the person that you're supporting, the person who you see as your "best friend" isn't that great of a friend as you think he is. You can not even imagine the things that he has said about you. When you weren't around, the shit he said about it is just fucking eye opening. He proclaims that you're his best friend, yet he so easily calls you annoying as fuck. He easily says he prefers to double date with another couple because you are too "wiped". Your best friend says that you're always trying to make everything into a competition with everyone, especially him. Doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that what he said about me? Oh my. He thought you were all high and mighty about your job and said that you were shit at it, laughing at the convos he had with people about how slow you were. This shit only scratches the surface, I'm not gonna even bother investing anymore of my time into this shit. After going along with the shit to see what more he would say, all I have to say to you is, good luck with your "best friend".
To the dude that thinks he is up there and dishes out the word immature like he is a wise man, dude you got to fix your shit up many times more than I ever will. Don't be so damn hypocritical. Tell me to take responsibility for myself? After my confrontation with you, I fixed my shit. What about you? Take responsibility? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW MUCH MUCH YOU HURT YOUR GIRL.
Dude let me tell you, some the the blogs that your girlfriend writes when she is distressed fucking breaks my heart. When you aren't there for her and when you hurt her so bad over and over again. I read how she feels and I can't help but fucking cry. She is always thinking about you, trying to make you happy and trying to make things work. The shit that you did still haunt her to this fucking day and you aren't taking anywhere near enough measure to make sure that your woman is ok. In the end, she convinces herself that everything is HER FAULT, just so that everything could stop and so that things could revert back to normalcy. You get angry at her for not telling you things and not addressing issues with you. How can she when all you do is make things other people's fault. You don't give yourself the slightest chance to admit that you're wrong. Things always eventually lands back on her shoulders. Take a fucking step back and your view will widen. Reflect on your shit and see what you did wrong on rather than getting angry and storming off like all the other times. Your girl came to me to talk about these things a lot, and that was all she did. All she sought was an ear to listen, why? Because she knew that if she, or anyone tried to confront you about anything, you would make it into a big deal.
But whatever, if you keep treating her badly, you aren't gonna last and once again, you're gonna lose someone that meant so much to you. Don't let history repeat, and regret it once its way too late... ONCE AGAIN. After all this, do whatever the fuck you want =), be the same two faced person you are and continue to treat her like that, and eventually your world will crumble... AGAIN.
Good Luck with Life =)
That
is
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Saturday, November 16, 2013
My Knight in Shining Armor
A nice song to up the mood =)
and a bit of EDM <3
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My self-proclaimed "Knight in shining armor." Hahas, my man can be so damn cute.
"Good Night Princess"
"Pleasant dreams my knight"
"Good Morning Hime"
"Morning Sweetheart"
"Do you need help princess"
"I'm ok hun ^~^"
"Kitty, can you grab _____ for me?"
"Hai ^~^, is there any other way kitty can be at your service?"
Honestly, because of what has been happening, I often forgot how much my man is there for me. The little things he does makes me feel so much better, no matter what is going on. Blogging everything and having him being there for me made me handle the situation a lot better than I actually would normally have. Rather than completely losing my head at the guy and giving him a piece of my mind, I just took it calmly and set things straight. Although what I say is not going to matter to the guy, just like every single thing other people say to him (where the fault is put on him), I might as well try. Well those who mind do not matter, and those who matter do not mind. If someone could not come straight to me and address the problem like people this age should, then it isn't in my place to allow the conflict to waver my mood and or my relationship.
Well anywho, went fishing with Denne and Kevin tonight. It was fun I could say... well funny actually. At the end of the night, the only one that caught a fish was me. I caught 1 cat fish with Dennes aid (apparently it is pree freaken big) and a stingray on my own. I guess that technically means that my first catch was a stingray? Denne helped me grab the stingray from the rocky shores while I was holding onto his rod. Whilst watching him and helping him by shining light in his direction, another fish caught on the rod. Him and Kevin started to joke that the fishes were sexist tonight. I joke back that, "ITS BECAUSE I LEFT THE LEGS ON MY PRAWN!! Nothing can be more appealing to a fishy than tiny prawn legs wiggling around :D," and they both laughed. So if you see the bait that still have legs wiggling around, YOU KNOW ITS MEEE"
Yeah, about that fish... The bastard went with the bait. I think the hook wasn't in far enough and I assume it ripped out of the mouth. There was a tiny sorry excuse of bait left near the blunt end of the hook. Freaken adorable. Also, since we decided to go at around 6, everything was closed except for sunnybank, hence we headed to Hanori Market. The prawns were around the size of my hand... freaken massive. Only bought 6, in total it was about 350 ish grams, costing around $10. Anywho, to sleep it is, getting a tad bit drowsy. Can't wait to see my man again tmrw. Nighty night.
Denne got me a bouquet of roses and lilies. The roses in the bouquet are easily the most beautiful ones I have seen. They are MASSIVE. When you look at the photo, you can see how it compares to the water lily (lilies are real big compared to a large majority of flowers, hence it is commonly used to fill up space. Its no a crime that its used for that because it is beautiful). I think the diameter is at least 10cms. The colour was BEAUTIFUL, it was so fresh. They had a very nice matte texture with water droplets all over. Although a simple bouquet, I wouldn't hesitate to say its the best bouquet I have received (along side the one that Lan got me for valentines day). Never have I been so impressed by such a simple arrangement.
I love you ~ 08'0613
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Thursday, November 14, 2013
Fuck This World Pt.2
After calming down, it kinda hit me how the word friends lost its meaning. Its such a hollow word with absolutely no meaning. Don't call me your friend, if you're going to judge me like every other mother fucker out there. Don't dare utter that word to my face if you can say shit about me. Karma doesn't mean anything in this world anymore does it? Treat people well and people will do so back. Whats the point of staying loyal to a "friend", never judging them and shit talking them if they are going to do it to you. I don't intend to treasure and respect people that aren't my friends, so rid of your existance from my life and be gone with those little morals you have.
Take note my childhood friend, that even after you cheated on my friend, I didn't talk shit about you, nor did my view of you change. You did something idiotic out of spite towards your girlfriend and committed the most horrible crime possible. However, not once did I slyly mutter a single foul word in your name nor did my friendship and trust in you subside. After growing up with you and learning of all your immoral acts, I still defend you and try to be of use to you. I've been a true friend to you and you let me down.
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Fuck This World
I need to get things off my chest. Theres going to be heaps of swearing and bitching while I try to get things straight. So here it goes.
Lol its cute how this world is so fucked up. People can say shit about you so easily as though you've never held a signifcant meaning. Even my childhood friend that I've recently been hanging around with lately couldn't help but judge me and talk shit about me. Him and his girlfriend (who happens currently be one of my closest friends) thinks that I try and make shit a competition. Fucking hell, you think EVERYONE tries to make EVERYTHING a competition with you. No, you aren't that good to make people want to beat you. I fucking wear what I feel like on the day that I feel it. Who the fuck cares about being better than you. Get over yourself. It so fucking happens, that I had only one pair of clothing at Dennes house. And are you fucking kidding me?
"I guess she just likes to show off her figure"
Way to fucking make things worse. I happen to like a fucking certain type of clothing. I don't always dress like a fucking nun. Sometimes I wear something that reveals my stomach, who gives a fuck?? I'm fucking 17 ffs. Its the fucking 21st century for peets sake. Your girlfriend qears revealing clothing every now and then too, we aren't conplaining, why the fuck do you have to?
I talk about sex in a way that makes you uncomfortable.... bitch, that rubbed off your girlfriend. Don't make it seen as though I'm the only one, no fuck off. Trying yo make a boys night and dragging Lan into it too. Fuck
This is towards my fucking boyfriend and both of you. Remember the day that we went pool and went home 40 ish mins after?? Yeah that was because I was trying to be fucking considerate towards my boyfriend who said he was "starving to the point where it started to hurt." We didn't have any money for food, hence I said lets go home and grab you a bite to eat. That mother fucker decided to tell this friend of mine that "we were hungry and we were broke." Fucking thanx mate, its not like you're the fucking retard that wanted to go home and eat. Its no like I even delivered the food to your fucking mouth whilw you sit and play pokemon. Fuck you :)
Thanx for ruining my day
End rant.
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I Envy You
Truthfully, I'm extremely envious of you. I'm so jealous of those who have had their parents be a huge part of their life. I know its asking for too much, but as I am still a kid at heart, I wish they were more involved in my life. Those who are fortunate enough to have both the freedom to be themselves and have their parents right by their side, treasure it.
Today I graduated from high school. I, alone, celebrated it. While sitting with my beloved cohort, I honestly felt lonely. Not a parent, a friend (outside grade 12) or a family member in sight. Everyone was celebrating their own completion of their high school life with their loved ones, crying happily and proudly, whilst I walked around trying to find people that aren't busy. No one has a hour or two in their day for me. Not a time that is spent to congratulate with me. I would be surprised if my parents even knew I was graduating today.
On monday mum called me with a slightly annoyed tone, asking where I am and what I want to eat from our restaurant. Yet again I was forgotten. They didn't know I had formal, even though I informed them many times over. Even at the pre formal, my parents weren't there. Every single person had their significant other and family members, yet with me, only Denne could find time for me.
Its not an uncommon occurrence. I guess I should get used to it.
I swear on my life, that I'll be there for my kids every step of the way. I'd rather die then let my child feel this lonely and insignificant.
Well, I'm now off for a walk in the city. Yay
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Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Anime Obsessed Boyfriend
I honestly think its so fucking cute and, sometimes hot, that he is so into anime. Some of his actions and gestures are influenced by animes, it is so adfghafjghlaruthjkdfngafdjhg. The way he treats me is sjdghfkaljfdghkjafhg... yeah I don't really have words that can describe it. His waves makes my heart skip. The way he always manages to catch me when I'm being the usual clumsy retard I am... The way he pushes me into bed and kisses me while kneeing over me drives me insane .-. It's like I'm living in a shoju romance manga. I thought it was so cute that he was really happy to have me sit in his lap and watch him play games for the first time. His expression was so adorable when he found out that I enjoy playing games and I wasn't bored to death as I just sat there for hours watching him play LoL. His expression when I fed him for the first time while I was in his lap. It just makes me so incredibly happy to see his happy expressions. There's something about his smiles that really gets to me. Although he seems to be quiet and emo ish on the outside, these expressions look so hopeful and childish that I keep wanting to see it.
Denne lay me down on his bed just a few days ago, he turned on an anime that he was excited for me to see. Turns out, it was an anime side story where the characters dress up on costumes. His expressions where so cute when he was imagining me in them I couldn't help but tease him. Hahas
Anywho, its late. I'm starting to get drowsy.
I cut my hair today, since he said he liked it the other day when there was a stray strand over my forehead. He said it was Anime like, hence I cut it like this. =3
We were sitting on the stairs in the front of his house whilst I cut my hair. He looked intrigued for a bit, that is until it start raining. I gotta fix a bit here and there, but thats the general outline. Not bad for a 5-10 minute job xD
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The Past Few Weeks
Ok, its been a while since I've actually posted something really in detail about my life. I've finally finished my exams, and formal is over. Just a few more days until i finally finish my high school days. I'll be done with the countless late nights of studying, and the over excessive stress that fucked with my head. Goodbye to those racist dickheads that say, "ching chong ling long ting tong" to my face because I just happen to be a tiny asian chick. After a while, I finally got sick of letting the little bastard getting in my face, I just turned around and said, "stop being an illiterate little mother fucker and shut the fuck up, fucking shit for brains." The mother fucker didn't stop, so one day when he as right behind me and continued to harass me, my heel co-wink-i-dinkly contacted his little solider. Needless to say, it as assuming. He finally stfu and left me alone, in fear that his dick might rot off the next time he tries to be a prick. Thats right bitch.
Anywho, I finally finished schooooooool!!! To be honest, I think I'll really miss high school life. Well, the part where I can see my friends and be apart of a regular schedule that is. Change is gonna hit me again... I hate change, as my blog indicated many times over. Formal was on the 11th of November, 2013. It was great. My dress came out as what I waned it to be. My man took me to the pre-formal and we got lots of weird glances. Denne told me that a group of teachers were looking at my dress and took photos of it lol. I guess I accomplished something? I think Denne looked so fine, omg. When he came out with the dress pants and his white shirt half buttoned up... I honestly wanted to rip it all over and rape his face .-. I love seeing him in formal clothing, it drives me insane. Here are photos from formal =)
Me and the boys. These guys "looked after me" during the night lol. We limoed together and it was an amazing trip. It was weird at first being the only girl, but these guys and the limo drive made sure I had no regrets. You people are the best hahas!
Behind me from the left to the right: Tuong, Mitchell , Eric, Damien, Matt, Alex
In from of me from the left: Michael (le formal partner), Peter, Adam
Honestly, when it came to make up and hair, I didn't do as much as I could. I wanted to have a more natural look, rather than a cake face like most girls at the formal. Just creaming up face, powdering so that I don't sweat like a rag, a tad bit of eye shadow and finally eyeliner. All done, no hair, nothing. It was a lot easier to maintain throughout the night when it was so simple. I saved so much money in regards to hair and make up since I did everything myself. (YAY... gee I'm so asian..) Now that these photos are up, I'm waiting for the professional ones to be done. I'll post them up asap ^///^
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Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Please Stop... Its Kinda Irritating
God damn. Today I finally "Fuck this shit" and deleted a certain someone off my facebook. She is just so insert word here about her being a "model". Its just ajkhfkfjhgksjfgh. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I jealous. I know that I, in no way is model standard. I'm short as fuck, and my looks aren't anywhere up there even with make up. However, I'm getting really sick of girls these days. Like Jesus fuck. They do whatever the fuck they can to get attention. They pretend to be Bi (which I personally find really insulting) because they want guys to like them. They say they are a gamer girl because they want attention. Oh hey you play games. You're a girl? who gives a shit ==. You take photos a dozen or so times? And?
It just irritates me to see girls just so desperate for attention.Just please... STAAAAAAAHHHPPP.
This certain girl, she tries so hard to make it obvious that she is a "model". The way she walks as though she is on the catwalk... Jesus fuck please stop. Sit, lay down and walk like a normal human being. It just makes her look so stuck up even though she can be really nice. I cringe so hard every time I interact with her. She walks in and does the "My hair is light and bouncy like a model with a fan to her face" walk. Yes... there is actually a way to walk to make you hair like that. It isn't something that naturally happens .-.
She has a few photo shoots, however she keeps reposting photos. She posts a photo from half a year ago a few days this week already... Its hard to not see when its always on my newsfeed. She does this CONTINUALLY. REPOSTING AND REPOSTING AND REPOSTING. She posts half the photos and then the other half half a year later. She liked her own photo to get it on top of the news feed. PLEASE STOP FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. So many people think that youre thurst.... STAPPPHH BEFORE MY PET PEEVE DRIVES EM INSANE Q^Q
I eventually got sick of her doing all these things that I just unfriended her .-.
*inhale* *exhale*
end of rant.... I really needed to get that out of my system
My pet peeves gee *sigh*
Back to normal now.
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Sunday, November 3, 2013
I Have A Lot Of Problems... lol
I am one messed up child lol. This blog is basicallly my diary, so here I go with the documentation of my retardedness. I have family problems. Even in eaely childhood, where it wasn't as bad, no one had time for me. My parents were too bisy trying to make money and sustain our family. I don't blame them for not having as much time for me, but I feel as though I never really had then attention I needed. I was always so envious of kids who were at the park with both their mum and dads. I only got to visit to park every now and then with mum. Dad was always too busy at meetings, study or work. I spent a lot of my days watching my mum sow for hours and hours on end in the sowing room downstairs. Most of the time im bored as hell with nothing to do. Those were the days where I listened to every single word my parents said. The days where I was exactly what they wanted me to be. Nowadays, I want to be me and be free. However, its not going well with them. I never went out wih friends until grade 10. Now that I can, I want to do it a lot. I want to experience the world and learn my lessons. I want to sore and explore what the world hasbin stalled for me. Although I now have some freedom, it's not really what ita cut out to be. I still can not be me. I cannot be the person I am because my parents hate it. They won't accept me for who I am and what I love. I can't tell them that I love art and music. I can't tell then that I want to pursue the creative industry. I can't tell them that I've loved tattoos and piercings for all my high school years. I can't be me without being a "rebel". I can't become "me" without being a "degraded child who was influenced by her good for nothong friends". This makes me not only attached to the people that do actually fully accept me for who I am, but it also makes me question why they do when even my parents can't.
I have anxiety that is pretty bad. Will this happen and will that happen. What if this and what if that. All these questions continually circle my head.
"Will Denne always love me or will he do same thing that happened in the past happen again?"
"Will Denne ever cheat on me?"
"Is Denne going to betray me while at parties like Lan did?"
"Will I succeed in life"
"What if I can't get the grades my parents want?"
"What if my OP is not what my parents want?"
"What do I have to do if my parents don't accept me... I want to be me, but what happens if they won't love me for it...?"
"Is everyone telling me white lies? Are they talking behind my back as much as they talk about their other 'friends'?"
"Why can't I make anyone happy? "
"Why does Denne accept every part of me, even the ugliest sides?"
"Why is he so willing to do anything for me?"
"What if what mum saids is true? What if he really is goig out with me for ___?"
"Will Denne hurt me badly like Lan and Hieu has?"
"Why am I so scared of Denne hurting me?"
Yeah, I'm fucked up in the head lol. These things just go in and out, and most of the times I have no control over them. I freak out when Denne does something that exceeds what he said, and I get scared when he drinks. Although I deal with my emotions better now, it's still not gone. I want to work to a day where I am completely normal and repay Denne for everything that he has done for me.
On top of that, there is horrible insomnia, stress and numerous long durations of depression. Gee iunno anymore
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